Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Concerned about DS friends

10 replies

Dwadle · 18/05/2023 06:58

DS is 5, year 1, and I'm concerned he is being bullied but also he is being disruptive too.

There are two boys in his class and these boys have taught DS about all these really disturbing video games and horror films. (I have spoken to the school about this and they said they're aware of this and have been intervening and taking their phones away - why 5 year olds have phones i do not know!)

DS say these are his friends but then at times tells me he doesn't think they actually like him. I've asked what happens and he said they never really let him play properly with them but they won't let him play with anyone else. They always say they are the boss and he is either who they run away from or who they chase. They often say mean things to him and do get physical with him too.

DH saw them interact with DS at the park yesterday and DH was horrified. He said its like they're a pair of teenagers with how they pick on DS and DH had to intervene with them beating him up. DS got upset when DH done that, DS explained that's how they "play" with him at shcool. DH said that there was no way it was playing, it was awful. DH looked for their parents but neither parents were there!

DH is speaking to the school today.

DS also gets into trouble at school a lot. We have been called in various times because he has been in fights or has been disruptive to his class. When asking DS he says he was defending himself with the fights. But with the disrupting the class, it seems to be that DS is seeking attention and validation, he wants to be the class clown.

There's more to this too though, we have been encouraging DS to play with other children but he tells us no one else will play with him. There's a boy he gets on well with at a club but this boy tells DS he must not tell anyone they're friends when at school! It's like the boy is embarrassed to be associated with DS.

DS has AuDHD (like me) and I wonder if that's hindering him here. He tells me he gets called a baby at school and I have seen that his social skills aren't as developed as his peers. When socialising in a group, he mimics, literally parrots what people say and I can see he is attempting to learn to mask. I recall doing this as a kid.

Some of his behaviour has been leaking into home life too, he has been acting out being the "boss" and we have heard his language change towards his younger brother. It really disturbs me.

I haven't a clue what to do here.

OP posts:
MoreCheesecakeNow · 18/05/2023 07:04

I really really feel for you here. Because your DS is still so young, is moving schools an option?
These boys have conditioned him to accept bullying as though it's friendship, what awful children.
If the school doesn't satisfy you with their response, then escalate it to the board of governors and ofsted if necessary under safeguarding concerns.
Those boys themselves could possibly need an SS safeguarding referral if they aren't already under them.
How on earth does a 5 year old have knowledge on violent games and stuff, it could be porn next.
Someone must have shown them those things.

Dwadle · 18/05/2023 07:07

Unfortunately those boys haven't the best home life @MoreCheesecakeNow - the school informed us that they are aware that those boys have difficult home lives as well as older siblings that are also showing them these things.

I was horrified when DS told us that he had been shown scenes from a horror film from their phone in the playground

OP posts:
Drivesafe · 18/05/2023 07:12

Can you move schools? He’s still so young and at 5 years old I would think this is the best option.

My children moved schools a lot at this age due to our jobs at the time it never did them any harm and they got away from a few bullies in one school which was a bonus.

Noteification · 18/05/2023 07:12

Ultimately they have a duty to safeguard your child at school.
Why an earth haven't they confiscated thee phones for parents to pick up at the end of term?!
This is an infant classroom, they absolutely need to take control of the phones.
Them having a bad home life doesn't mean they can negatively impact other children.

You need to talk to DS about what a friend is. I'm sure there are some books on amazon, as well as about what bullying is. He needs to be firm in thr idea they are not his friends. Because that is not how friends behave.

HackettGreen · 18/05/2023 07:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Dwadle · 18/05/2023 08:20

DH and I are considering moving areas now. Although we really don't want to leave our beautiful home and location is great for work and doing stuff as a family but I don't think it's wise we stay here for the boys

Will that be really disruptive for them though?

OP posts:
MoreCheesecakeNow · 18/05/2023 08:54

Dwadle · 18/05/2023 08:20

DH and I are considering moving areas now. Although we really don't want to leave our beautiful home and location is great for work and doing stuff as a family but I don't think it's wise we stay here for the boys

Will that be really disruptive for them though?

How old is your other child?
A five year old won't find moving to be too disruptive.
I think some sort of move would be good in the long run.

Drivesafe · 18/05/2023 09:10

Dwadle · 18/05/2023 08:20

DH and I are considering moving areas now. Although we really don't want to leave our beautiful home and location is great for work and doing stuff as a family but I don't think it's wise we stay here for the boys

Will that be really disruptive for them though?

Best thing you can do you don’t want these children following your kids through the next 13 years of their lives potentially. Seems like you’ve just been unlucky in the cohort and if the family is notorious for neglect then it’s only going to get worse. I mean your husband was horrified at what he witnessed so it must have been pretty bad.

5 years is an easy age to adapt.

Research the area and the school you intend to go to and make sure you have options there too.

Dwadle · 18/05/2023 09:20

Other child is 3 @MoreCheesecakeNow and goes to the most wonderful pre school

OP posts:
Dwadle · 18/05/2023 09:21

Yes, you are right @Drivesafe . They'll go to the same high school as its the only logical one to go to in the area. I really wouldn't want this to linger over him

I really do fear he will end up in a gang or something

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page