DD's behaviour so bad...bullying at school.

[radicalroo]

At my wits end...come on here for some advice. DD (almost 12) started at a tough, rough secondary back in January. I couldn't get her in anywhere else. Her behaviour since going to school has been dreadful and the school won't do anything about the bullying. I've spoken with other parents privately and they have said the same. Many kids have been pulled out of school because of it. She's a tough cookie though and has friends, I just don't know if pulling her out would do more damage than good at this stage. She's so up and down with her moods at the moment - arguing, swearing, challenging etc. I've tried to set boundaries and she keeps challenging/questioning them.

Everyday it's the same when I pick her up. Always talking negatively about the children, the teachers. I work close to 12 hours some days. I'm a single parent and just drained with it all...

Is she being bullied or doing the bullying?

She is being bullied. She's not a bully.

Are you really stuck on where you live… It’s maybe a bit extreme but I would rather move for a smaller school than stick with a school which has so many negatives.. what are your options other than this school? It doesn’t sound like it will do her good… x

I would take a multi-pronged attack at this. I would firstly look at all the other schools in the area, get her on waiting lists of any school you could reasonably get to. You can also appeal. If you head to secondary education board, there are lots of very knowledgable posters who will help you.

Secondly, and this assuming you’ve been in and spoken to the head of year, or pastoral and nothing has changed.
So:
Find the school’s complaint policy, bullying policy, behaviour management and safeguarding policies.
Write a formal complaint under the first stage of the complaints policy and highlight where these policies are not being followed - quote them, give dates if possible of where you’ve spoken to key staff, incidents and what was done if anything about them. Focus on keeping your child safe and what you want out of the complaint - your daughter to feel safe, you could also ask about moving forms if it would help.
Then escalate as per the complaints policy, carefully following it through each stage. Get other parents to do the same, quite often parents moan about the school and quite rightly but they don’t say anything so nothing changes. Complaints take a lot of staff time and governor time when you get there to resolve, if the chair of governors is suddenly dealing with ten complaints that the bullying policy isn’t being followed, then you’ve got another four governor panels to organise, then alarm bells are going to ring.

I would also suggest your daughter perhaps finds a teacher/area she feels safe in. I taught a tough comprehensive many years ago, and my room at break and lunch had several groups who sought refuge. I refused to let anyone who might misbehave in and as it was music they had to at least show an interest (although some of my tutor group sneaked in as well.) Drama and Art did the same. We bent over backwards for those that wanted to learn and feel safe and in return those students were amazing - especially the ones that made me a cuppa!

Can you see about getting her on a managed move to another school because of the bullying?

Get on waiting lists for better schools.

write to the head and governors about the failure to safeguard your child by failing to deal with ongoing bullying. Let Ofsted and the LA know if things are not resolved.

email and ask for the schools complaints procedure.

arrange Flexi schooling with present school to minimise its impact.

Explore home Ed groups/days in your area (local home Ed Facebook page)

Look at online home Ed provision. (Home educating exams Facebook page).

Could you contact other schools of your choice and see if they have any places? I managed to move my DC after the first week of the start of the school year by just contacting an alternative school directly.