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How to handle unwanted gifts from office cleaner

7 replies

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 17/05/2023 18:09

I occasionally see our office cleaner if I'm working late. She is a very nice woman but obviously very vulnerable - I suspect some learning difficulties and she has previously been the victim of abusive relationships, homelessness etc. She has ongoing problems with money and occasionally asks for help understanding letters about universal credit etc. I am more than happy to help with this kind of thing when I can. I'm also happy to chat to her when I see her, even though it can delay my attempts to leave the office, as it's clear that she doesn't have many friends and she seems lonely. I do what I can to make her job easier for her, and we're very flexible about when she works her hours etc.

I like her and I feel sorry for her, but I don't regard her as a friend - we have nothing in common. The difficulty that I have is that she keeps leaving gifts for me - she went massively overboard at Christmas with about 5 different gifts. She has now started randomly leaving additional gifts for me like a mug, a plant etc. I don't want these items and more importantly, I really don't want her to spend her limited cash on me - she needs every penny that she has. I feel so mean not reciprocating in any way (except for a token gift and some cash in her card at Christmas) but I definitely don't want to encourage the gifts by giving stuff in return. I also don't want to offend the poor woman by telling her to stop - she is, after all, just being kind. I have tried telling her to keep her money for the things that she needs, but she doesn't take it on board. I genuinely don't think she has any ulterior motives. I just think that she is naturally a very generous person who enjoys giving gifts, and sadly doesn't have many people in her life to give them to.

How can I handle this sensitively, please?

OP posts:
Aspargustips · 17/05/2023 18:13

Blame company policy and that you can’t accept any gifts whilst at work?

HolyFuckerRooney · 17/05/2023 18:51

I agree with @Aspargustips , if she has another boss I'd ask them to keep an eye on her too as she may get upset
You sound very kind @MrsBennetsPoorNerves

Laiste · 17/05/2023 19:06

Gosh tricky one.

First two answers are spot on though.

Takes the 'blame' away from you and in her mind the friendship won't feel spoiled.

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MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 17/05/2023 19:07

Thanks both. Blaming it on company policy is a very good idea. I think she leaves stuff for one other colleague as well as me, so will have to coordinate with her so that we both give her the same message.

Her boss is a bit of an arsehole, unfortunately, and I don't think he will support her if she gets upset. The cleaning is outsourced to an external company - we would happily ditch them and employ her directly but then she'd lose her other cleaning jobs, which she can't afford to do.

I'll maybe find a way of telling her nicely that we have introduced a new policy on receiving gifts.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 17/05/2023 19:10

Thank you @Laiste. That's a good way of thinking about it.

OP posts:
FortofPud · 17/05/2023 19:11

Really appreciate the gifts but I'm concerned that it's against company policy and might cause trouble for either one of us. Let's have a 'nice chats but no gifts' policy from now on!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 17/05/2023 19:29

Thank you @FortofPud.

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