Porn and dd

[HelpMebeok]

i have changed my name for this as I'm a bit embarrassed as I know some people here in RL.

So, my teen daughter who is very nearly 18 is fragile. Mental health up and down and being assessed for ASD. History of self harm and hates to be confronted with things.

About 2 months ago I discovered she was accessing porn hub frequently on her I pad. I blocked it on the parent controls and thought that would sort it. Silly me. I've realised this morning that she's been using it using private view. It's nasty violent stuff.

Shes almost 18. Would would you do? I'd really like some impartial advice. My worries are she becomes addicted and thinks this is the way sex should be. But she's practically an adult and im worried even a gentle confrontation would lead to self harm due to shame.

Also agreeing with @Greenfairydust

The DD has mental health history but even if she didn’t and I saw this, I would still address - either directly or indirectly. They can eye roll and tell me to butt out but you also might offer a viewpoint they haven’t considered, might realise you are there for them etc.

If someone was in a bad relationship, or messing up their education or any other scenario, do you just go “well they’re 18 and won’t listen to me so I’ll just keep schtum.” No you do not. There are ways of having a conversation.

Parental controls on a very nearly legal adult?

No wonder she's rebelling.

Rebelling?

Or someone with significant mental health issues accessing this.

If your DD has a history of poor mental health and self esteem she may have become addicted to the porn as a way of anaesthetising herself.

It is similar why she does the self-harm, or someone might take drugs, or binge eat.

Without alluding specifically to the porn she watched, which could be so embarrassing to her that it would be dreadful, try everything to help her come out of her depression, get out and involved with life away from the computer, get her counsellor with skills for asd.

The porn could be making her depression worse like all drugs do.

Talk to her more generally (without letting on that you know about her watching the porn) about the porn images, or how anyone could get hooked-in even when they don’t want to.

Kate Winslet did a brilliant drama she just won an award for, “I am Ruth” about a woman whose daughter ( played by KE’s own daughter) who is affected in someway by being on-line ( not porn but something somehow harming her badly. I wasn’t quite sure what).