I've had a crap childhood and hence poor boundaries, low self esteem, used to people treating me like shit and not realising that they are, had a long term relationship which has sort of broken me. I have vowed never to have another relationship again as it has honestly has been so hard. Anyway I am rid ex and now focussing on bringing up my children alone and looking after myself. I can't afford therapy which i would love but have read through lots of books and have been working on healing past trauma, really understanding myself, improving boundaries etc on my own. It's been a long journey (4 years) and I've made improvements and feel I've come a long way but still have a lot to go through but in a much better place.
anyway, a few years ago I met a man at an event we attended and we kept in touch and became very good friends. He is very kind, funny and all sorts of nice stuff. We get along extremely well and i consider him to be a close friend. He has recently said that he'd like us to be more than friends and date and see where things go, He is honestly a really decent guy.
I have a few concerns but my main concern is that I am absolutely terrified. I just have a feeling of dread / fear of being in a relationship. I don't want to be in a relationship ever as don't want to get hurt but at the same time I bloody adore him and we are so good together and want to be with him. There's also a feeling of I feel that I don't deserve him as he is too good for me. He's everything I am not and i do sometimes wonder why he's even friends with me.
As you can see, my head is messed up and I'd just love to be enjoy this. Instead it's turning into a saga in my head and I'm honestly too scared. I haven't told him any of this and not sure if I should for fear im a total weirdo.