Anyone grow up in a very small home?

[DramaticBananas]

I'm thinking of a safe, warm home but a very small and cramped one. Things like needing to share bedrooms or having the living room as someone's bedroom and no real space to call your own. How did it affect your mental health and family?

Not me, but my children.
We have a small home and four children; two of each, luckily.
The had to share a bedroom at all times.
Then as adults, for a couple of years we had their partners here as well.. 7 of us while they saved to buy houses.

None are bothered by having to share,.. DD1 couldn't sleep at first when she went off to Med school as she had never slept alone and didn't like it!

It worked. No one was traumatised and they are close as adults.

Four kids, 2½ bedrooms.

I shared with one of my brothers until the age of 14. Then I got my own room - it was a box room, but the younger two had been sharing it until then. The younger three then shared the proper bedroom, with a partition so my next-oldest brother could have his own space; also very small.

When I started going out a lot, so maybe around 16, Dad converted the old coal shed into 'my room'. It sounds downright abusive to modern ears, but we all thought it was pretty cool and the others couldn't wait until I left! Brother then got the 'shed' until he left home - with him outside, the two youngest could each have a room. Mum commandeered half of the partitioned bedroom for her craft stuff.

I've never thought about a connection before, but I only have a completely easy relationship with my next brother - you know, where it feels like you've just picked up from your last conversation , even if it was months ago? I wonder if it's because we literally grew up together, in the same space?

I had lots of friends who shared four to a room, and have also known several families that had some sort of rota system for the bed in the kitchen and/or on the sofa. Children actually like being physically close, remember, and the middle-of-the-night conversations feel hugely important at the time.

Tbh, most kids would be happy with a tent out the back, as long as they could get to the loo and the kitchen.

Oh - and around the time I got my shed, quite a few of my same-aged friends were moved into their family caravans on their front drives. Also deemed very cool

I'm considering this right now!
We are single mum with boy/girl and two bedrooms. Lots of pressure to find a solution as DD is nearly 11.
I always had to share but with my sister, so wasn't quite the same!

I did. My 3 siblings shared a bedroom in 3 single beds in the biggest room and I had the box room. My parents had the middle sized room.

I hated it and found it embarrassing. I never wanted any friends round as I knew they had either the same size house but with fewer siblings or much more spacious houses. I hated the noise and lack of privacy and having to do homework on my bed as there was no room for a desk.

Everybody loves a medieval box bed. They have up-to-date versions in the Netherlands, which most teenagers would love to bits! I'm not googling right, though, because all I'm getting is stuff about fold-out beds and beds with storage. If you're good at building stuff, it's a potential solution for private space in a crowded home. You can put storage at one end of the bed, with as many pull-out or fold-down parts as you want.

Install a set of sliding wardrobe doors, add your extras, and hole up there with your homework best friend and wine.

Wow, thank you for your replies! Some food for thought there. I can see the positives can be the fun and closeness you share as a family. You need good storage and to be inventive over space (a coal shed bedroom -briiliant!). Loving the box bed too! The negatives can be claustrophobia, lack of privacy and never really being able to have their friends round (and feel proud of their home maybe?). Are there ways round this? Is it just talking things through? Trying to carve out more space - a caravan in the garden type thing? I'm mainly concerned about the DC's well-being but is there a mental toll on the adults too that I need to consider? Thank you again!

I love the box bed as well. Something so safe and womb like about it. There’s one in Emily Bronte’s ‘Wuthering Heights’ which always made me crave that sort of cosiness as a child (was brought up in a poorly insulated house in very cold part of uk!) With rising fuel bills, maybe we will see the return of the box bed. Stuffy in summer though.

not a small home, but no personal space (weird family). I didn't have my own bed or my own things until I moved out.
it's awful and unsettling.

imo anyone needs at the very least their own bed and space (and respect) for their own posessions. sharing a room is fine.

if you can offer that - go for it.

@GarlicGrace
I am now a bit envious of you, describing your childhood or teenage years of growing up having outdoor/indoor space of shed,

and your same aged friends having space to use their families caravans onsite drive,

It makes me wish I could jump into a time warp machine and revist my childhood/teen years and have my own elusive outdoor shed bedroom space too,

For a while I have wished and still want a sky lark loft room to either just sleep in or as a Arts and crafts room space too,

Definitely looking into having Arts and crafts room space room in the garden one day, or and a teepee

I think you have started something now @GarlicGrace

thanks for reminsant moments shared with us,

@DramaticBananas

thanks for this mumsnet post too

I grew up in a small home, 2 adults and 3 children. My db had a box room only slightly larger than a single bed, I shared a bunk with my sister. Nobody slept in the living room though. The computer desk was slap bang in the living room, trying to get homework done while people were chatting and the TV could be a nightmare. I got in the habit of waking up super early to do it in peace.

My dm was ruthless with throwing stuff out. Toys were kept to a minimal. Friends couldn't stay over.

My mental health is bloody brilliant. I enjoyed the company of my family then and I do now. I was good at adapting and compromise. I left home and moved to London and was totally un-phased about having to live with an army of flatmates to make the finances work. I'm a robust sort, I don't need things to be just-so to get on with something or enjoy something. Who knows how many of that is or isn't related to living a small space? Not much, I don't think -but I certainly don't think it was detrimental.

Growing up shared rooms, as did most of my friends. My two DS share a room, again not uncommon amongst their friends. I have only come across the obsession with kids having separate rooms on here. In real life it is normal to share in 3 bedroom houses.

Did you know @GarlicGrace
that having your own natural outdoor/indoor space in a clnverted type shed building ect, is now thought of as chic, cool and having a designer take care of getting the right look feel, with your stamp of individualility with furnishings for you, and your family,

the designer can charge hefty steep price ranges for this kind of service,

Just think of converted beach style coloured huts in much Sought after beaches coastlines

in uk and abroad I can amagine too

Just been looking at a books about indoor /outdoor living /bedrooms spaces

Like a posh coffee table big books

One titled Shed Decor by Author Sally Coulthard

Happy Home outside,
every day magic for outdoor living book

by Author Charlotte Hedeman Gueniau

Oops typo omission mistake word is converted..

I grew up in a three bedroom council flat with a kitchen and lounge. I always shared a bedroom with my younger sister. We didn’t own a lot due to lack of money but we had lots of love and our parents gave us their full attention. We went to the library every week, watched concerts and plays on television. We were taken on lots of cost-free outings. We invited friends over. We never thought about lack of private space and certainly never thought about mental health. Expectations are so much greater now.

Not me but my dh grew up in a 1 bed flat, then 2 bed flat with 5 people : gran, parents and him and his brother. He has fond memories but I think I would find that hard! We have a 4 bed flat (3 kids) and I found it hard in lockdown (we couldn't go out at all) and for the first time it felt really claustrophobic and I still get panicky thinking about it. I think a small place but with a garden (or a coal shed!) would feel better!

Yes, grew up in a small council flat. Shared a room with sibling(s) until they/I moved out. Mum slept on a sofa in the living room.

I WAS a little embarrassed about it (not the sharing a room) in my teenage years, because most of my friends lived in houses and their parents owned their homes. But teenagers will always be embarrassed about something.

As an adult, I am very glad about the way I grew up and look back on it fondly!!

@Goodread1 - Shed Décor! Didn't know I was that far ahead of fashion 😂Thanks for your lovely reply. I hope you get your creative space soon, and really enjoy it.

I’ve never ever had my own bedroom, I had to share with my older brother in a small cramped council house and then we moved to an equally small 3 bedroom council house when I was 5 and had to share with my 2 younger sisters.
I hated it and always wanted some privacy and a quiet space, never seemed to get one because my mum was a childminder too.

I had a slightly opposite experience where I had to share with my sister until I was about 10 and then we ended up with our own bedroom each

I actively used to choose to spend a lot of time sleeping in her bedroom for the next 8 years until I moved out though, at least 2+ nights a week often more.

So whilst I know its different because I had my own space so it was a choice not a necessity I would say that it couldn't have been that terrible for the first 10 years of my life.

I often wonder about the MN obsession with all children having to have their own room or its cruel, and then expecting their children to grow up and share a room woth a partner as adults. Maybe its actually easier to adjust to sharing a room with a partner if you have always, or at least sometimes shared?