Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do I address this or do I let it go?

32 replies

doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:36

Not sure if there's any point addressing this, as it happened over a year ago, or if I would be overreacting. But I'm really upset and a bit angry too at this lie.

Before I met DH. His parents had separated and his dad decided to leave the house and fly to his home country for eight months.

I met DH and then a couple of years later, because of COVID, he invited me to move in with him and his mum. His mum agreed and said I could stay while we found a house.

Last year, both my mum and MIL came to see my baby when he was born. My MIL told my mum that I had invited myself to live with them, and that her husband was so upset about it he left the house. She basically said they had separated because of me. When it happened before I had even met any of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:38

She also told another family member (DH's cousin) the same thing. There might be even more I don't know about.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 15/05/2023 19:40

Who are you planning on addressing it with?

Either your husband lied to his mom and said you'd asked to move in, or she doesn't want to admit the real reason they separated.

Either way, don't address it with her directly. No good will come of it.

If you need to address it, do so with your husband.

TheChosenTwo · 15/05/2023 19:41

Who would you be addressing this with?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Relationship problems
UncomfortableEx · 15/05/2023 19:42

Whst and odd lie to tell especially to someone so close to your. I would have raised it at the time, I mean there and then. Why have you left it so long? Has she said anything similar since?

shockthemonkey · 15/05/2023 19:42

That’s very very annoying. Are you still with her?

Unless you’re there when she spouts poison it’s hard to counter with the facts. Do you know whom she’s told these lies to? If so and depending on your relationship with them I’d want to set the record straight. Not by directly saying MIL’s a liar, but by slipping it in while telling some anecdote or another.

Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:42

GoodChat · 15/05/2023 19:40

Who are you planning on addressing it with?

Either your husband lied to his mom and said you'd asked to move in, or she doesn't want to admit the real reason they separated.

Either way, don't address it with her directly. No good will come of it.

If you need to address it, do so with your husband.

I did address it with DH, but the lies and rumours about me keep spreading in the family.

She already told me why they had separated. My mum didn't ask her either, so I don't understand why she went out her way to tell her this lie.

I heard the conversation between DH and his mum and his mum came to me and told me I could stay because DH wanted me to. So I know he didn't lie

OP posts:
Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:42

I wanted to address it with MIL

OP posts:
Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:43

UncomfortableEx · 15/05/2023 19:42

Whst and odd lie to tell especially to someone so close to your. I would have raised it at the time, I mean there and then. Why have you left it so long? Has she said anything similar since?

She told a bunch of lies about me ever since. small lies and big lies

OP posts:
GoodChat · 15/05/2023 19:44

Has he confronted her about the lies?

Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:44

shockthemonkey · 15/05/2023 19:42

That’s very very annoying. Are you still with her?

Unless you’re there when she spouts poison it’s hard to counter with the facts. Do you know whom she’s told these lies to? If so and depending on your relationship with them I’d want to set the record straight. Not by directly saying MIL’s a liar, but by slipping it in while telling some anecdote or another.

No I'm not. I've moved out.
Weirdly enough, she came yesterday and asked us to move in with her and spend the money we would have spent on a house on an extension for DH, the baby and I

OP posts:
Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:45

GoodChat · 15/05/2023 19:44

Has he confronted her about the lies?

No he hasn't

OP posts:
UncomfortableEx · 15/05/2023 19:45

What does your husband say about it, could he talk to her? Sounds like it needs addressing in some way whether that be by you or someone else.
Do you get on with her otherwise?

GoodChat · 15/05/2023 19:45

@doiaddress ok so why not?

Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:46

UncomfortableEx · 15/05/2023 19:45

What does your husband say about it, could he talk to her? Sounds like it needs addressing in some way whether that be by you or someone else.
Do you get on with her otherwise?

At the beginning it was very hard, now I thought I did but I found out she still speaks very ill of me behind my back. I'm confused.

I asked DH to talk to her about it but he just avoids the subject

OP posts:
SarahSmith2023 · 15/05/2023 19:47

doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:44

No I'm not. I've moved out.
Weirdly enough, she came yesterday and asked us to move in with her and spend the money we would have spent on a house on an extension for DH, the baby and I

Show quote history

I'd have said 'why would we want to do that? You repeatedly tell
lirs about me. Of course we won't be living with you'. or anywhere near you

what is your DH doing about this?

Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:48

SarahSmith2023 · 15/05/2023 19:47

I'd have said 'why would we want to do that? You repeatedly tell
lirs about me. Of course we won't be living with you'. or anywhere near you

what is your DH doing about this?

Show quote history

He doesn't understand me. He pretends he does and then asks if we can move with them etc...

OP posts:
Saschka · 15/05/2023 19:49

SarahSmith2023 · 15/05/2023 19:47

I'd have said 'why would we want to do that? You repeatedly tell
lirs about me. Of course we won't be living with you'. or anywhere near you

what is your DH doing about this?

Show quote history

I would be saying something similar to be honest. “MIL, last time I moved in with you, you told everyone I was responsible for your marriage breaking down, even though FIL moved out years before I met you. God knows what lies you’ll spread if I move back in again”

Original poster
doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:50

Saschka · 15/05/2023 19:49

I would be saying something similar to be honest. “MIL, last time I moved in with you, you told everyone I was responsible for your marriage breaking down, even though FIL moved out years before I met you. God knows what lies you’ll spread if I move back in again”

Show quote history

Is it reasonable to say that or will I sound rude?
I'd love to say that to her

OP posts:
Saschka · 15/05/2023 19:51

doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:48

He doesn't understand me. He pretends he does and then asks if we can move with them etc...

Show quote history

Cross posted - so DH problem then?

Your MIL is pissy that your DH has a wife and she is no longer Matriarch. Steer well clear.

teabycandlelight · 15/05/2023 19:51

No point in addressing this. Your MIL must be a pretty manipulative person to make up silly lies about you. Particularly to your own mother. Frankly, she sounds a bit unhinged.

I’d take this a warning though. Never confide in her. Keep your distance. Also discuss your strategy with your partner. (He needs to come off the fence for starters).

at the very least, your DH should help you maintain a distance. Keep it polite, but don’t allow her to come between you and DH. She is obviously jealous of you. Be careful.

Saschka · 15/05/2023 19:53

doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:50

Is it reasonable to say that or will I sound rude?
I'd love to say that to her

Show quote history

I’d say it, but it will cause a row, yes. And crocodile tears and probably your DH saying you are mean for not putting up with being lied about. Personally I wouldn’t care, but your DH doesn’t sound like he has your back at all.

Cherryana · 15/05/2023 19:56

This is one of those situations where your husband has to be firm with his mother on your behalf - in order to display unity between the two of you.

FictionalCharacter · 15/05/2023 19:59

doiaddress · 15/05/2023 19:44

No I'm not. I've moved out.
Weirdly enough, she came yesterday and asked us to move in with her and spend the money we would have spent on a house on an extension for DH, the baby and I

Show quote history

That would be great for her wouldn’t it! You and dh would be spending all your money on improving her house. You’d be stuck with her. She gets to lord it over you and your wet lettuce of a husband, while she indulges her hobby of badmouthing you to other people.
The real problem is your husband letting her lie about you and wanting to pleas his mummy.

Tellmeimcrazy · 15/05/2023 20:02

If she asked you to move back in with her yesterday I would be inclined to have it out now. I'd say something like "I'm surprised you want us to move back in given according to x y and z when I moved in last time it made your husband leave". Then I'd ask why she is lying about me.

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 15/05/2023 20:22

When she said it to your Mum why didn’t you just say it wasn’t true, fil had already moved out when I moved in?

I don’t understand why you didn’t address it at the time.