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Original poster

Any solutions re: my birthday?

11 replies

GMsAWinner · 15/05/2023 14:57

I share the same birthday as my Mum. My Dad has passed away and my Mum has no friends (she cares, but is quirky, hard going and doesn't understand if you don't see her way). For that reason, DH and I have had to see her every birthday since we've got married and we don't feel we can go out/celebrate and not include her.

Joint birthday is later this week. If it was just my birthday, I'd happily stay in with a pizza/ready meals and bottle of wine but that wouldn't suit my Mum. Also the thought of her just talking at us with no outside distractions isn't appealing. DH has suggested we go to one of three closest pubs as he can't guarantee what time he'll finish. They're all in the same chain which is ok but that's about so not really appealing to me, one I'd avoid, one we did last year with my Mum and I've just realised there's a lot of steps at the other for Mum.

Any ideas? I just feel like we're wasting money going out when I don't fancy it.

OP posts:

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 15/05/2023 15:01

Go to the cinema/theatre/concert AC/DC's meal after - then you'll have something to talk about.

3dogsandarabbit · 15/05/2023 15:01

There's no rule that says you have to spend your birthday with your mum. I would pop round in the morning with a card and present for her and then spend the rest of the day and evening doing what you want to do. Maybe go out for afternoon tea with her another day?

It's not your responsibility that your mum doesn't have friends. Stop feeling guilty that you have to include your mum in any birthday plans.

Epicstorm · 15/05/2023 15:05

Are you working on your birthday? Could you go out for a treat with your mum? Say facial or nails followed by lunch. Just two of you. Or cinema beforeor after lunch. Then you can stay in in the evening with your DH.

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Events & celebrations

Original poster

GMsAWinner · 15/05/2023 15:05

Thanks for your replies.

Nice idea about cinema/theatre, but we'd have to do it from 7pm onwards and meal would be really late.

It's hard as I do feel quilty and feel late a c..p daughter as I don't enjoy my Mum's company and we can't just do what we feel we want to. Only good thing is DH is great, he accepts she's my Mum and we have to see her (even though he admits he finds it draining).

OP posts:

ny20005 · 15/05/2023 15:05

Can you maybe take her out for tea & cake during the day & spend the evening with dh doing what you want to do ?

Original poster

GMsAWinner · 15/05/2023 15:06

Unfortunately, I have to work until 2pm (term time as not allowed holidays). I know I just have to suck it up really, but ...

OP posts:

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 15/05/2023 15:10

Afternoon tea with your mum can be after 2pm - then meal at home after 7 with your DP.
Sounds perfect to me!

Poppins2016 · 15/05/2023 15:23

How about a different restaurant/pub? It sounds as though you could do with a more exciting option than the options currently presented by your DH.

The other suggestion is celebrating with your mother and also celebrating on a separate day with just your DH (cosy night in just the two of you with dinner, a bottle of wine and a movie)?

Wishimaywishimight · 15/05/2023 16:31

I have a similar(ish) problem in that my mother and DH share a birthday (she is also widowed). None of us are hugely bothered about celebrating on the exact day of the birthday so usually DH and I will have a dinner out on the nearest Saturday to the birthday and then we take mum out on the Sunday. She is happy to get a card on the day and I call her for a chat too.

Could you maybe have flowers delivered on the actual birthday and then take her our for lunch or dinner on a weekend day and spend the other weekend day / evening just you and DH?

LordEmsworth · 15/05/2023 16:44

Why can't you go to the place you went to last year?!

If you can afford it, then you're not wasting money - you are spending it to make your mum feel valued and loved.

Though I would say - look, DH is working, can we celebrate on a different day and then we can do something a bit more exciting.

Then choose a different day on which to celebrate your own birthday, and do stuff for you.

Outdamnspot23 · 15/05/2023 16:46

This sounds so obvious you must have thought of it, but what about having some friends AND your mum along to the pub? I've met many of my friends' parents at similar occasions, and my parents enjoy meeting my friends.

If you have a close friend of two you can brief beforehand to make an effort with your mum all the better? Diluted company sounds a much better option than just the three of you.

Or how about you all have an early dinner (5) and then cinema?

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