Taking overweight ds to the doctors.

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Before anyone judges me, my son is 12 and autistic. Weight gain has been quite rapid over the last 6 months. He’s always been upper normal for weight but since secondary it’s got quite bad, he’s now just over 10 stone and looking noticeably chubby. I am so worried.

I have never had much response on the SN boards so thought I’d post hers.

his diet is limited and not varied at all due to his sensory issues, however he does have a big appetite - for the food he likes. He only drinks water so fizzy drinks etc not a problem but his weakness is chocolate, he also has eyes bigger than his belly.

he’s been suffering from poor mental health for the last 12 months and struggled to get him to exercise plus I believe he’s emotional eating as well as it being a sensory thing as he chews on anything and everything. He used to walk to school in primary but now he does not, we’ve just bought him a new bike (old one was knackered) and been getting out as much as possible on that but it’s hard as he cannot go out unsupervised and I have a younger child with a disability so struggle to keep up with him - he has no sense of danger. DP takes him out on it when he is off work.

ds becomes obsessive over food and gets aggressive when he doesn’t get his own way. The lunch choices at secondary aren’t as healthy as primary and he will not take a packed lunch as he prefers hot food!

anyway, back to my op. I sent off an online consultation and to my shock they’ve offered a face to face appointment - tomorrow.

what will likely be said and done? I’m worried sick that I will be judged. I’m about 3-4 stone overweight took, will she think it’s my fault? Both my DP and younger dd are very slim.

how do I discuss it to the Gp with ds present?

he has learning disabilities and doesn’t seem to notice his weight gain - although we’ve discussed it but he doesn’t care that he eats too much.

any advice? I am trying so hard but I’m at my wits end over his obsessive behaviour around food!

Health professionals shouldn’t be there to judge you. It sounds like his autism and mental health are impacting on his food intake. In our area we have a neurodivergent team which includes dietitians - I would check if you have a similar team in your area. It does come down to calories in and out. Are you able to gently teach him to listen to his hunger and fullness cues? One of my kids eats beyond fullness and I have started asking her if she’s actually hungry. I’m aware the sensory thing might make that more difficult.

I have the same issue with my child op. I’d love for you to update this thread. I honestly don’t know what to do. As they become more independent, it becomes harder to control what they eat. My child is definitely an emotional eater and uses food for sensory feedback. He is very rigid in rituals so HAS to have x amount of snacks with his sandwiches. He sneaks food as well I think and is also pretty sedentary. I’m hoping when he has his big growth spurt, it will even out

DS is similar. Has put on a lot of weight since last summer. He switched from needing to be prompted to eat and not realising he was hungry to wanting to eat loads/complaining of being hungry.

Being hungry is a trigger for meltdowns, and he's fairly limited in what he'll eat. We have an appointment for him this week to be weighed, but he's already said he won't go - I didn't say what the appointment would entail, he's just said no.

No one will judge you💚

For PP with children refusing, I would advise consulting a dietitian on your own : they hopefully would be able to help you work with the food he likes, recommend portions of each, etc (and hopefully for the future closer alternatives they might be likely to enjoy also). But the proportions to put on the plate, which ones to suggest if hungry later, can also change quite a lot.
And obviously the advantage is your DC doesn’t know (easier to control with young age, but if fast food out with friends also just include it on your typical daily menu). Any change helps
Best of luck

Sorry I’m not native, I was looking for an expression that meant specialist dietitian, just saw it in your post thank you.

If no weighing possible at least take a photo with you side by side or something relatable (a well known object in the background?) to have an accurate idea, as photos are not much, but you have to work with what you have. Obviously don’t tell them, but as it’s for a medical professional + for a child I personally don’t see it as an invasion of privacy.
Best of luck, you’re all being so brave to try to tackle it, and you’re right about the sooner the better, as, as you can surely imagine, small changes can take long to implement💚

I’m sorry my advice isn’t hugely useful I’m aware, but I know the stigma so I did wish to try, and dietitian consult with mum ‘in secret’ sometimes can be the only option for a moment and I’ve seen it benefit (I work with children in care, so much harder for some, but I’ve seen it help as a first step with foster parents which is easier. Best of luck

(I don’t know the right words, in case you legitimately wonder☺️, bc England is a recent tentative for me (I plan on going home), my native language is western European)

Argh its so hard. My DS is a compulsive eater (diagnosed). "Fortunately" he has ADHD and his meds for that suppress his appetite. However on a day he doesn't take them he is always always asking for more food. Not just chocolate etc, he'd happily eat anything and always wants bigger portions. We have been through many phases of him screaming at me for more food which is just horrendous.

So, no idea what Dr can do but you're not alone.

Can you give him a hot packed lunch in a flask? One of my kids prefers it.

It's hard when there's sensory issues around food to get things balanced. I used to avoid smoothies etc for the glucose spike but actually they're a great way for me to get a bunch of other nutrients into fussy kids diet.

Also can you get a bike for yourself with a child seat for the little one? Then you can keep up with DS?

Re boredom eating and needing stimulation. When you're together can you try and distract/ provide other sensory stimulation?

Would chewing gum help?

Also build a strict routine around food (it's my own to do list, b if has been for a while )
Meals at specific time, always at table. Snacks at specific time etc.

Good luck. It's great that you're taking action.

They will have seen this before. They will also be able to approach it in a factual, straightforward way with your DS that you probably find difficult as his mother. It should be very valuable.

Difficult to do I mean, not difficult to hear.