Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What to turn to instead of alcohol when anxious, stressed & feeling shame?

32 replies

rolvus · 15/05/2023 06:17

I'm getting more and more socially anxious the older I get. Yesterday I bumped into someone locally and had a slightly awkward conversation. I said the wrong thing, as I often do, and it played over and over in my head as I drove home. Those feelings and emotions were so uncomfortable that I went to the shop and bought a bottle of wine. Drinking did work. But I want to stop.

What else can I do in that moment? I have no known strategies other than drinking or over eating! I can't tolerate any kind of medication anymore (have tried).

Is anyone here knowledgeable about this kind of stuff, or been in therapy and come away with useful strategies? How to regulate emotions and still make good choices? I really want to get my health on track but I can't with this issue cropping up ALL the time!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/05/2023 10:22

Cazelet · 15/05/2023 09:47

Yes this was the exercise I started doing. Lifting heavy weights! I'd start smiling about 15 mins in and not stop for the rest of the session! Sadly I've broken my arm 😢

Show quote history

Lots of leg and core stuff for you maybe. Not the same but it's something.

My worst nightmare breaking a bone. Heal well.

Cazelet · 15/05/2023 10:25

gamerchick · 15/05/2023 10:22

Lots of leg and core stuff for you maybe. Not the same but it's something.

My worst nightmare breaking a bone. Heal well.

Show quote history

Yeah hopefully- I have to drive to the gym and my class which is what will make it hard. First place I'll go when I can drive though!!

Peanutbutteryday · 15/05/2023 11:14

Exercise!!

i also quite alchohol and my mental health is so much better for it.

But regardless exercise whilst blasting some good tunes through your headphones works wonders. Even a short walk.

Peanutbutteryday · 15/05/2023 11:14

Quit*

Original poster
rolvus · 15/05/2023 12:28

wildfirewonder · 15/05/2023 07:44

I would advise breathing slowly and speaking less.

Try asking questions, giving more rehearsed answers and generally avoiding holding forth on topics with strangers - basically like The Queen used to do Grin

Save your proper talking for the people you are comfortable with.

This is so helpful. I really would like to crack this bumping into acquaintances situation. Everything comes out my mouth so quickly. I repeat things, say the wrong thing. It's such a mess. I'm not like this with work colleagues at all. It just seems to be outside of work. I do need to slow my breathing down and say so much less. It's like I feel I'm responsible for the conversation, that I'm the one who has to create it and fill it.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolvus · 15/05/2023 12:29

HuntingoftheSnark · 15/05/2023 07:31

I full sympathise and am not suggesting for one single nanosecond that you have a drink problem, but in AA we focus on a programme of recovery, working 12 steps to get through feelings and sit with them rather than drowning them in drink. We've often said that many people would benefit from the same kind of 12 steps without having the alcohol addiction.

Meditation can really help.

This. This is what I need. I need to learn how to sit with feelings and experience them without having to 'fix' them.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolvus · 15/05/2023 12:29

gamerchick · 15/05/2023 09:44

Weights, always works.

I have weights at home. I'll give this a go.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page