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Original poster

Weird one about child photo consent

47 replies

Toloveandtowork · 14/05/2023 18:31

My son who is 12 was recently temporarily moved to a small school for children with behavioural problems. Year 7.

He likes it there, and I'm happy about that.

However, when filling out the entry forms, I didn't give permission for my son's photo to be used in promotional material or the new school's website.

I don't know why, but I am now being badgered to change my mind, and wonder why this is important to them.
Maybe something to do with diversity in their online pictures. That's all I can think of.

I didn't think it was a big deal to not consent. My son will attend the school for around four months only. I don't think they change the pictures often so it's not that either.

Can anybody think of other reasons, and comment on if I'm being unreasonable or not as I am being led to believe that I am by them.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudsblusky · 14/05/2023 20:08

If you said no they should not be asking you to change your mind. They should be honoring your choice. This would annoy me.

Hamandpeas · 14/05/2023 20:33

Completely up to you. Dont let them bully you into changing your mind.

Everyone has reasons. I said no as my girls are adopted and the last thing I wanted was their names in the paper for birth parents to spot. A friend said no as she was a detective with a very unusual surname -can you imagine if her children were recognised as hers by someone she had put away!!!

SE13Mummy · 14/05/2023 20:35

It sounds as though they weren't sufficiently on the ball when the celeb visited. If you're happy for photos of your DS to be displayed within the classroom/the school then you could say that to them but otherwise, you were clear that you aren't consenting to photos being published and so they shouldn't keep asking. If it is a photo your DS likes, ask for them to provide you with a copy so he still gets to enjoy it.

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Hamandpeas · 14/05/2023 20:36

And our primary school only had 30 children so 4 of them not being allowed to be photographed was a pain but not our problem.

My children have never appeared on my social media so I wasn't going to allow them appearing on something I had no control over.

Veryverycalmnow · 14/05/2023 20:51

I know that there's only 1 family in the school I work who don't consent to photos, any others were badgered until they signed. I do think it's to make life easier, as adding photos to fb, website etc is a hurried job usually. Sometimes they stick an emoji face over these kids if they're in photos, which I don't like personally but I guess it works.

JandalsAlways · 14/05/2023 20:57

smearfears · 14/05/2023 18:33

The only thing I can think of is it makes their job easier for picking which filtering photos to upload. They won't have to filter through to exclude your son

Probably this. But YANBU, stay firm if you don't want them to do that

Starlightstarbright1 · 14/05/2023 21:06

I didn’t give consent to my Ds having photos on the website . There was a photo of him put on the website. It was just him put up by mistake on last day of school . I emailed office not sure when I would get a reply . It was taken down next day with an apology . I was never asked again

daretodenim · 14/05/2023 21:25

I never consent to photos, unless on internal school intranet thing. DD's ballet teacher just pops a yellow smiley face over DDs face if she's unavoidably in the shot and posts. It's an absolutely minor edit. It could be a black or skin coloured dot too. It is not a major deal to hide kids' faces.

I think you need to just reply that you filled the form out correctly and you do not need to be asked anymore about it.

And don't think about it again. There's a reason you're given a choice. They need to respect whatever parents choose.

Original poster
Toloveandtowork · 15/05/2023 18:39

I have an update, and am sitting here shocked.

I got another call today, pressing for written consent, even though I messaged this morning to say I'm not giving consent.

It turns out they hired a PR agency to take the photos and the photos have gone to the printers.

I couldn't talk much and didn't give consent, but found out for the first time that the photos are going in the local daily paper and also going on flyers. It's a donation campaign for the school with the celebrity.

Then this evening, I had a call from the head looking for consent. I said I felt they had been unprofessional in chasing me for consent several times and also asking my son if he wanted it. He's 11. I also mentioned that they obviously sent it to the printers without written consent.

Here's a caveat. I did give verbal consent on the phone on one occasion last week, because I felt pressured, but a few days later said I'd changed my mind.

Well, the conversation didn't go well with the head. I asked why this photo is so important to them and asked if it was to fill diversity quotas in the pictures.

She got angry and accused me of being a racist. So, so weird. I said that's not where I'm coming from, but she wouldn't have it and kept going.

She then said that she wasn't sure the school was the best place for my son and that she would have a meeting with other staff to discuss it.

I was so gobsmacked, I made an excuse to get off the call. I've got a lot on my plate at the moment, and don't need this.

My plan is to call his mainstream school in the morning to explain as I don't think it's the best place for him either now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toloveandtowork · 15/05/2023 18:40

By the way, I would have given consent if it was just the website, but this is more than that.

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 15/05/2023 18:48

Did you give the verbal consent before they got the celebrity in?

Original poster
Toloveandtowork · 15/05/2023 18:54

No I didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toloveandtowork · 15/05/2023 18:58

The head said that the photographer sent all the photos to the PR agency. Then the PR chose the best photos and my son was it it. It was the way he was posing, she said.

OP posts:
SE13Mummy · 16/05/2023 00:32

It sounds like a really mixed up situation. The school should have been upfront with you about how the photos were going to be used and should have been clear with the PR agency that your DS mustn't appear in any photos. It's really unfortunate you felt pressured by them on the phone previously and so gave them verbal consent for the photo to be used as I would imagine that's when the PR company set things in action and withdrawing the main photo may well be expensive.

Emerald95 · 16/05/2023 01:58

How awful of them to chase you like the OP and then to threaten your son's school place because you didn't want to consent.
Stick to your guns OP! It's so odd they want to use a picture of your child if your child isn't a good fit for the school.

barmycatmum · 16/05/2023 02:41

Wow. Sounds like you have grounds for legal action against the school, so they’re trying to push for consent before the photos you did not consent to get published.
then she focused on the “racist” thing to gaslight you. How utterly f-Ed up. I’d be suing them

Original poster
Toloveandtowork · 16/05/2023 09:24

Thanks for the replies. I have emailed my son's mainstream school and explained what happened, including screenshot of a WhatsApp conversation where two times I don't give consent.

I'm so worried and feel that with these kind of tactics, they won't treat my son fairly now.

OP posts:
Veryverycalmnow · 19/05/2023 07:35

Toloveandtowork · 15/05/2023 18:39

I have an update, and am sitting here shocked.

I got another call today, pressing for written consent, even though I messaged this morning to say I'm not giving consent.

It turns out they hired a PR agency to take the photos and the photos have gone to the printers.

I couldn't talk much and didn't give consent, but found out for the first time that the photos are going in the local daily paper and also going on flyers. It's a donation campaign for the school with the celebrity.

Then this evening, I had a call from the head looking for consent. I said I felt they had been unprofessional in chasing me for consent several times and also asking my son if he wanted it. He's 11. I also mentioned that they obviously sent it to the printers without written consent.

Here's a caveat. I did give verbal consent on the phone on one occasion last week, because I felt pressured, but a few days later said I'd changed my mind.

Well, the conversation didn't go well with the head. I asked why this photo is so important to them and asked if it was to fill diversity quotas in the pictures.

She got angry and accused me of being a racist. So, so weird. I said that's not where I'm coming from, but she wouldn't have it and kept going.

She then said that she wasn't sure the school was the best place for my son and that she would have a meeting with other staff to discuss it.

I was so gobsmacked, I made an excuse to get off the call. I've got a lot on my plate at the moment, and don't need this.

My plan is to call his mainstream school in the morning to explain as I don't think it's the best place for him either now.

Can't believe this update. That head has behaved atrociously! Hope you're ok.

pecantoucan · 19/05/2023 07:37

They stuffed up this is not on you. Go to the press

leopardprintismyfavourite · 19/05/2023 07:46

OP I do quite a bit of work in this area allbeit not within a school.

Does their consent form specify the use for the photos ie. Marketing and sales materials? And does it ask you for third party use - ie to give it to a PR company for use?

Original poster
Toloveandtowork · 20/05/2023 17:31

The tick box was sales and marketing materials, no mention of a third party. I assume the PR would be part of the marketing.

I was very upset by it all. I naively expected them to be professional, but they are sneaky people with no integrity.

I'm going to let it go and don't want to mKe trouble. Unless it actually does appear in the paper.

OP posts:
HideTheCroissants · 20/05/2023 17:53

OP you are NOT being unreasonable and the school shouldn’t be pressuring you. Stick to your guns. BUT it is a real pain when children don’t have photo permissions. It is a pain that I am happy to put up with in most cases - it’s just part of the job.

A few years ago we had a visit from a local bigwig and local press were present. I diligently removed all the children who weren’t allowed to be photographed - about 15 children in our small school. Photos appeared in the local paper and on the “bigwigs” social media (as well as the school website &social media). Cue lots of parents moaning that their child had been “excluded”. Some parents always want to film with their phones at school production but don’t want other parents to be filming in case they get a shot of their children. We ask parents NOT to film or take photos but it’s so disruptive constantly patrolling the hall while the children are trying their best to put on a good show.

Damned if we do and damned if we don’t 😆

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