I hate weekends

[123bumblebee]

I have a 14 month old toddler and can cope in the weeks. She goes to nursery and I work as a junior Dr 3 days a week. I have her 2 days a week with me, they are bloody long days as DH leaves at 8 and gets home at 7pm.

I look forward to weekends every week but when they arrive they are just…shit. Can’t get anything done with the baby around and she is awful if we are in the house. Pulling everything out she can, climbing on things and the oh so constant whining and clinging to my legs. I try and be patient mum but since I have gone back to work I am struggling. I have exams to sit and loads of extra work on top of working 3 10 hour days with an hour commute each way. I find weekends a constant battle between me and DH of trying to get stuff done while the other watches the toddler.

I don’t think DH is particularly happy either. I take the baby out for whole days at the weekend so he can get on with DIY (he loves it, it benefits us as we are doing up the house to make it less of a death trap for the toddler) but he never repays the favour. I might be lucky to get 2 hours when I ask him to please take her out but I spend it doing the basic housework that needs to be done to keep us afloat.

Divide and conquer.
What can be left undone.
What can be outsourced — ironing? Laundry? An hour or two cleaning?

Weekend mother’s help? If you have a local college see if a childcare student would occupy dc for a couple of hours?

Work out your budget and decide what you can spend it on. If there’s no budget available divide the chores and time, draw up a timetable together and stick to it.

I was pretty much going to say the same as @Toomanylatenightprogs re outsourcing…but also that I think that age is the hardest…they’re mobile but unsafe alone and only last a couple of minutes on an activity, but I promise it does get easier. Check out busytoddler on Instagram - she has activities for “tabys” ie toddler/babies. Also the thing that entertained mine the most of that age was child locking all the kitchen cupboard except the Tupperware cupboard….endless fun taking lunchboxes apart and putting them back together!

I would get people in to do the cleaning etc to buy u time. I'd also make sure you plan an evening out regularly without your daughter. You need quality time as a couple

Thank you, it just feels like we are drowning at the moment as humans, parents and a couple!

It’s such a tough age, it does get better! But your DH needs to do more so you can study etc. Sit down with him and say we need to share the weekends equally so we can both get stuff done. Break the weekend up into segments so you can both achieve things and can both spend time with DD. Make him stick to it!

Have you got safety gates and child proofed your living room at least ?

It doesn’t have to be this hard!

You need not be running around constantly

I would also buy some reigns so that you can go walking and tire her out

Also this is just a phase it will pass and you really will forget how hard it was!!!

Yes safety gates are up, living room mostly child proofed but I wouldn’t leave her alone in there. She doesn’t walk yet which makes things equally hard, can’t just get her to stand next to me she wants to be held or likes to cruise around my legs.

You need to be clinical about splitting up the time into chunks, it’s not the romantic vision of a carefree family weekend, but it can work

eg- one parent does a park run Saturday morning , alternate weekends, and brings home pastries and coffee for the other

Things that help me - (and I’m mainly alone with 3 all day Saturday)

set up toys she’s not played with for a while after she’s in bed so they’re ‘new’ to her in the morning to buy yourself time

small pleasures to look forward to so you don’t get to Sunday night and feel the whole weekend was a chore , a takeaway, some nice cakes, a film ready to watch together Saturday night

The taking her out for whole days thing can be a double edged sword, yes he’s getting DIY done but I think he then needs to be ready to take over when you return from a busy day and do bath/bed etc.

Lastly, don’t believe social media, everyone is not having a more relaxed entirely conflict free weekend, guaranteed!