Friend and his other women

[Bluemuf]

I know the answer to this, but I'm not sure what I want to do about it.

I have a friend, part of a group, I don't claim any great connection with him but he's been good to me during a difficult time. One of the people who's really kept in touch and means it when he says "you know where I am". For example I've been at an event with a lot of people this morning. Lots knew I had a really difficult thing to do yesterday. Everyone was busy but he was the only person who made a point of asking how it went.

Anyway, he's something of a ladies man. He's single and so am I so we often end up paired off just by virtue of being the two "odd" ones, which is fine we always have a nice time. Very occasionally, after a few drinks, he gets a bit frisky with me by nothing has ever happened and he always takes no for an answer.

However, recently I have noticed that he's keen to be a good friend to me, except when certain other people are present. His (male) best friend for example. When he's there, friend will barely speak to me. No doubt he'd say it's becuase they're catching up, but it feels different to that.

Others are a very young (married) female colleague and an ex of his.

I'm not worried from a romantic perspective, he's not my type and I'd find it hard to be with someone who does openly enjoy female attention so much, but he has genuinely been a good friend to me.....except when certain other people are around, which isn't often.

After one of those occasions, I'm ready to distance myself from him, but then he'll really step up to be a great friend. Also the friendship group is really important to me.

It sounds like he is a good friend in general, it's really nice when someone remember to ask how something went! He obviously remembered what you told him about what is going on in your life, and that means a lot.
I can't answer why he barely speaks to you when you are in the presence of some particular people. Weird!
Since the friendship group is important to you, can you perhaps just keep the friendship with him like it is now? See him as a pretty good friend, but not expect to much from him.

He cares about you. He fancies you but wouldn't have you as his girlfriend.

That's it really! Deal with it accordingly. Have dignity and don't let him use you.

Actually that's probably how I feel about him!

Maybe he's making a serious play for the young married female, or seeing the male friend's sister on the quiet.

If he's just a friend, I'd act accordingly, take each contact in a light hearted manner, and leave it at that.

Actually, if I was a good friend, I'd have a proper chat about the married woman. It's definitely him, not her, he works with her and he's senior to her. Or at least it is publically, he says he's being a friend to her becuase she's unhappy I her marriage and she messages him about that outside work It can only end badly. Not something I have any intention of being in the middle of.

He's in his mid 50s BTW and she's younger and quite glam, but still over 40!

Sounds like he doesn't want them thinking there's anything romantic going on with you, for whatever reason.

Yes, I'm sure that is the case, but with some people he seems to be happy to let them think what they like and then other groups he goes out of his way to make sure they don't.

I'd understand that if there were women he might have a chance with present, I don't want to cramp his style, but it isn't.

Ultimately it doesn't matter. I don't want to be with him either. I'm less bothered about what people think, perhaps, because I'm not "looking" for anyone. He's one of those people who can be a good friend but (I suspect) would be a terrible partner. It's just curious.

Maybe I'm just as bad and using him for a bit of a boyfriend experience when I don't want an actual boyfriend, which it why it feels odd on evenings when it doesn't happen like that. It's useful to think these things through