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Original poster

DH and Sunday lunch/other tasks

20 replies

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 14/05/2023 11:17

This is a bit of a petty rant as DH in the main is great and pulls his weight but does anyone relate to this type of thing?

DH has taken it upon himself to cook a Sunday roast most weeks. I am vegetarian so it's lost on me, the kids eat it but frankly would be fine with something easier.

DH writes down a list of timings and then is all MAN COOKING and can't possibly do anything with the kids (6 and 3) so fairly demanding still as he is MAN COOKING if they need anything. But it takes him like 3 hours and then I feel like we all have to say thank you for lunch but none of us are really 3 hours worth of bothered about it. I can't take the kids out very far as we need to be back for lunch which the kids need to be no later than 12/12:30 so I am just hanging around the house.

He is like this with gardening too and other tasks of this sort, he will do them but can't possibly keep an eye on the kids at the same time.

And don't get me started on when he bakes with the kids which they get bored of 5 mins in so it turns into Sunday lunch all over again. He bakes well but I don't especially like cake (don't hate me) and I would rather he took the kids for an hour than baked a cake.

As I say, I realise this is all very petty...

OP posts:

00100001 · 14/05/2023 11:21

How does it take 3 hours to do a roast???

ToK1 · 14/05/2023 11:22

Go out.

Leave him and the kids in the house

He'll cope.

Original poster

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 14/05/2023 11:22

00100001 · 14/05/2023 11:21

How does it take 3 hours to do a roast???

I am vegetarian so have no idea how these things work. He sits down with a calculator at like 8am to work out a schedule

He does have many redeeming qualities I promise but this thing..

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planthelpadvice · 14/05/2023 11:25

I hear you OP. My DH can turn the simplest of tasks into a marathon, everything takes ages and he will just carry on irrespective of kids etc.

GrumpyPanda · 14/05/2023 11:26

Sounds like he's still insecure about it. He'll get more relaxed with practice.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 14/05/2023 11:26

Oh crist alive op that would tip me over the edge 😂

Tell him it's now warmer weather so maybe tapas type food would be perfect 👍

DustyLee123 · 14/05/2023 11:26

3 hours ! What the hell is he cooking ?

Original poster

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 14/05/2023 11:29

DustyLee123 · 14/05/2023 11:26

3 hours ! What the hell is he cooking ?

Today it's a chicken, roast potatoes and carrots, sage and onion stuffing

I don't really know what takes so long. I am a lifelong vegetarian from a culturally vegetarian family. I have in the past cooked lunch for 50 people in less time... (Curry, rice, etc)

OP posts:

Doggymummar · 14/05/2023 11:30

I do a roast every Sunday in the ninja. Meat goes in for an hour. Potatoes follow for 45 minutes. Veg steams or microwave for 5 mins whilst carving takes place, it goes in at 5pm and we have eaten it by 6:30. Just leVE it to cook itself. It's the easiest meal if the week

AnnaTortoiseshell · 14/05/2023 11:33

Are you in the same space as him while he is cooking? Is he actively cooking the whole time? I just don’t see how there could be enough to do to fill three hours! And yes, that would drive me bananas.

SeulementUneFois · 14/05/2023 11:33

I know that you say he's great and pulls his weight etc but .... If I were to guess I'd guess he pulls his weight in ways that don't include looking after the kids?

Because this particular thing seems designed to get him out of looking after the kids.

I would have it out with him, making this point very specifically.

Iwrote · 14/05/2023 11:34

Hes just opting out of family life and doing a show piece.
Tell him no roasts over the summer. This is bloody ridiculous.

Original poster

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 14/05/2023 11:36

AnnaTortoiseshell · 14/05/2023 11:33

Sort of in and out - if I am honest, it feels a bit like whenever I have the kids happily occupied, he is scrolling on his phone but whenever the kids need something he is very busy...

But to be fair I am also on Mumsnet on my phone

OP posts:

Original poster

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 14/05/2023 11:37

Maybe I will try and find an exercise class on Sunday mornings to go to

OP posts:

CatticusFinch · 14/05/2023 11:43

Or take up cycling and go for a nice long ride every Sunday morning.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 14/05/2023 16:33

I think you need to find equivalents for yourself. It doesn't really matter what the activity/task is, just make sure it takes three hours where you can't be disturbed!

Darkchocolatekitkat · 14/05/2023 16:52

I think you’re unreasonable about the gardening. I can’t get on with that kind of task while simultaneously being responsible for an awake three year old - too many dangerous implements, plus my child wouldn’t want to be in the garden pottering for that long. Ditto things like cleaning the oven. I realise some people have no choice but if I had a partner I’d expect them to look after the children while I was doing household tasks like those.

Cooking a roast chicken takes ninety minutes max, the majority of which involve just waiting - so I’d expect a partner to have three year old while I was dishing up or actively chopping etc, but not while I was playing on my phone in the kitchen waiting for it to cook. He doesn’t need three uninterrupted hours unless that includes the shopping and the washing up as well. Baking with the kids is great, but it needs to be eg rice crispy cakes not something that takes an hour.

Original poster

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 14/05/2023 17:35

I think the thing is that he is just really shit at multitasking. Like the first time he cooked me dinner, he boiled pasta and then made sauce and then mixed it, it just didn't occur to him to do the pasta and sauce at the same time... (We were students to be fair so this was a reasonable cooking effort) He has got better but is still prone to this type of thing.

He does loads of childcare but doesn't multi task at all while he's doing it. He has a day off a week with the kids (as do I) but while I will do bits and pieces of housework as well, he does not, he focuses completely on the kids. I am no domestic goddess, I just mean things like doing a load of laundry and cleaning up after lunch, I tidy toys as we go etc

I think where I am being unreasonable is that he doesn't leave all this stuff for me, he does it when the kids are in bed. But I want to chill out in the evening and I feel like that's ok because I multitasked and did my chores more efficiently but I feel a bit guilty watching him clean up toys from earlier in the day etc even though I shouldn't.

I think I just need to remove myself from the situations more, e.g. go off and do something solo the evening of his non working day. And also just accept that not being able to multitask is kinda just how he is - I am sure I have my annoying qualities

For Sunday lunches we have had a bit of a chat and we are going to try two things: 1) me doing the vegetables while he does the meat because I am just so much faster 2) some vegetarian Sunday lunches, maybe tapas style which will be faster and also more vegetarian options for me to do some of the cooking

OP posts:

PollyPeptide · 14/05/2023 17:45

I don't understand why you can't go out for a couple of hours in the morning, though. Even if you didn't have a roast dinner (which is my favourite meal and I'm a vegetarian), you'd still have to give them lunch, wouldn't you? If you want them to eat later, just get him to adjust his timings so its ready for 1 o'clock rather than 12.

And if he's going to cook, why not just let him get on with doing the veg too. As long as he does it all, why does it all have to be at your speed and done your way?

Original poster

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 14/05/2023 18:12

@PollyPeptide I guess in summary, while I love my kids, they are quite demanding and I don't find it a very fair trade that he gets 3 hours of peace and quiet while I do solo parenting in return for a meal that I don't especially want and a pile of washing up. If I do the vegetables, it will be quicker and we will both do a bit of cooking and a bit of parenting

OP posts:

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