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Original poster

My hobby/family life/chore split

17 replies

Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:13

I should probably put this in AIBU but I'm not strong enough for that. It's not that controversial anyway!

I have been a stay at home mum for a few years now and I am desperate to get back to work. I've missed it so much. However, for reasons which have become apparent to me I have come to the conclusion that working right now is just not possible (I've been applying for jobs like mad and going to interviews etc) for a lot of logistical reasons that I won't go into.
I am studying though for a career change so I have that going on and I will be able to get into that fully in a couple of years, but I'm going to have to be patient till then.

As the stay at home parent I do 90% of the housework. Literally all the cooking/cleaning/shopping. Most of the childcare. All of the pick ups and drop offs. Husband has a stressful job and usually comes home 6:30pm ish, he is a very active parent in the evenings and weekends so no complaints there.

My issue is that I am very unfulfilled in my life. Work/social life/relationship all very much unsatisfactory (separated from husband but living together for various reasons). My life revolves around the kids. I am very grateful for them and they are wonderful (etc. etc.!) but the other pieces of my life are missing and I feel quite empty a lot of the time.

I wrote all this down recently and decided that the areas of life I can work on are my hobby and my social life, and my hobby is one that is very social so 2 birds with 1 stone.

My question is, is it reasonable of me to leave husband alone with the kids for 4/5 hours during the weekend to go off and get my fix of hobby and social life?

OP posts:
midgemadgemodge · 14/05/2023 09:15

Assuming he's the child's father ?

Rainallnight · 14/05/2023 09:16

Are your DC in school? I think that’s relevant to how much time you have

Rainallnight · 14/05/2023 09:18

I also wonder about your financial situation. If you’re separated presumably the intention is to live apart at some point, so in your shoes I’d be accelerating the career change and looking for work.

I get that life doesn’t feel much fun at the moment. I think we have times in our lives which are like that.

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InDubiousBattle · 14/05/2023 09:18

Of course it's reasonable. How old are your dc?

Lcb123 · 14/05/2023 09:19

Of course it is? Shocked you even have to ask. The amount of dads on here going to play for whole weekend days! And even more so if you’re separated

Houseupdate · 14/05/2023 09:19

Of course it is. Unless you are missing something out eg husband wouldn’t be allowed the same amount of time at the weekend or he is for some reason incapable of looking after the children.

Original poster
Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:21

midgemadgemodge · 14/05/2023 09:15

Assuming he's the child's father ?

he is, yes!

OP posts:
Original poster
Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:21

Rainallnight · 14/05/2023 09:16

Are your DC in school? I think that’s relevant to how much time you have

2 of them are, 1 of them is in nursery a couple of days a week so I can study

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 14/05/2023 09:22

If you can afford it, I’d do an extra nursery day for the youngest

Original poster
Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:23

InDubiousBattle · 14/05/2023 09:18

Of course it's reasonable. How old are your dc?

Thank you. They are 3, 5 and 7

OP posts:
Original poster
Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:25

Rainallnight · 14/05/2023 09:18

I also wonder about your financial situation. If you’re separated presumably the intention is to live apart at some point, so in your shoes I’d be accelerating the career change and looking for work.

I get that life doesn’t feel much fun at the moment. I think we have times in our lives which are like that.

Yes this was one of my driving reasons for getting a job, as well as wanting to work for the sake of working. But I have decided to try and keep the family under one roof until the kids are older and all being well I’ll be earning properly by then. I also have my own savings which will go some way to helping me for a while if we did split houses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:25

Lcb123 · 14/05/2023 09:19

Of course it is? Shocked you even have to ask. The amount of dads on here going to play for whole weekend days! And even more so if you’re separated

Thank you for this! I really have been doubting myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:27

Rainallnight · 14/05/2023 09:22

If you can afford it, I’d do an extra nursery day for the youngest

The thing is, I love the time alone but I do all my housework, food, chores etc. do my studying. It still feels very difficult and lonely. It’s just been 7+ years of full devotion to house and kids and a very dysfunctional relationship.

OP posts:
saraclara · 14/05/2023 09:29

Rainallnight · 14/05/2023 09:22

If you can afford it, I’d do an extra nursery day for the youngest

OP says that the hobby is social. So it's highly unlikely to take place on a work day.

StopFeckingFaffing · 14/05/2023 09:33

It completely reasonable as long as you would be happy for your husband to spend a similar amount of time doing a hobby at the weekend

You really need to discuss it with your husband and see what he says

Could you persue the hobby during the week while DC are in school/nursery or is it something that is only happening at a weekend?

Original poster
Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:37

StopFeckingFaffing · 14/05/2023 09:33

It completely reasonable as long as you would be happy for your husband to spend a similar amount of time doing a hobby at the weekend

You really need to discuss it with your husband and see what he says

Could you persue the hobby during the week while DC are in school/nursery or is it something that is only happening at a weekend?

I would be ok for him to do this. He does occasionally have to be off for an evening or for an overnight somewhere and I never mind but that’s probably because I just like it when he’s not around so that’s not quite the same is it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Unhelpful · 14/05/2023 09:37

It is something I can do in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed so perhaps that’s a better option

OP posts:
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