Strange phone call…not sure what to make of it.

[Alsoplayspiccolo]

A few weeks ago, my elderly mum had a phone call out of the blue from her twin brother’s wife, asking for addresses for me and my twin sister.
My mum hadn’t had any contact with her brother for about 7 years, and hadn’t seen him in about 15 years; they weren’t close. In fact, she didn’t actually know that he’d married his long-term partner.

She asked his wife how he was, to which his wife replied, “ He died in February and the funeral was a couple of weeks ago.”

My mum was so taken aback and upset, that she didn’t manage to ask for any details of the circumstances and his wife didn’t offer any.

The last time I saw my uncle was 15 years ago, at my other uncle’s funeral. I hadn’t seen him for many years before that; I can remember seeing him less than a dozen times total when I was young, but never receiving birthday cards or anything like that.

He had daughters of his own, and a grown up grandson.

So, why would his wife want my address?
I thought it might be to write and tell me he’d died (which would be kind, but not necessary since we didn’t have any kind of relationship), but I haven’t heard from her at all.

Families can be odd, can’t they?

Maybe he has left you a small amount in his will.

I guess that’s possible, but I’d be surprised. I mean, he has a wife, children and grandchild, and I didn’t know him at all.
It seems so strange not to tell his own sister that he’d died, but to leave his nieces something , plus I have a brother and another sister (she died suddenly 4 years ago, but my uncle wouldn’t have known that) but his wife didn’t ask for their contact details.

If it does turn out that he’s left me something, I’ll be even more intrigued!

Why weren’t your Mum and twin in touch, if that is not too rude a question.

If it was based around money, maybe there is some redressing of the balance. ?

Just a thought.

How long was he with his wife? Is it possible she remembered that her husband had twin nieces because he was a twin but not remember about your other siblings?
Do you think it was just an excuse to talk to your Mum to tell her that her brother had died?
I imagine that must have been upsetting for your mum sorry she found out that way

Hello Op,

I'm sorry for your loss, even if you didn't see your uncle, he is still family.

Unfortunately over the last few years we have become experts in probate, being an executor, wills etc and from experience I can only imagine that you are a beneficiary of his will. The first thing an executor does is get the contact details of all the beneficiaries/check they are all still alive etc

You might not hear anything officially for absolutely ages - it could be a year or more depending on the complexity of the will, the speed of the solicitor and the executors themselves. We had a relative die and it was 18 months until the will was settled and the executors were both very competent. I'm not sure if the solicitor just had too much work, had a covid backlog or was just a bit rubbish.

The Executor of Uncle's Will needs your addresses/details to formally notify the beneficiaries .
Nothing odd about it at all.

Sometimes people will be left a small, token amount in a will, so that there is proof they were not forgotten accidentally and so they can't contest a will. Something like £100 to each of my sister Mary's children. As pp said, the executor will need addresses. Maybe she had the other addresses from someone else, but did not know the ones asked for.

So bizarre not to tell a twin their sibling died.

Then you don't know how well-off or generous he was.

The Executor probably checked General Registry for all beneficiaries so knows your sister died.
Your brother still has his birth surname so relatively easy to trace by other means.
You and your sister might be using a partners surname, harder to find.

As for not informing your mother he'd died; IME some people will specify that in their will to avoid any out of touch relatives' interference with / or comment on the ir chosen preference for funeral or disposal.

Sorry, but was she really your mum's twin brother's wife, as in did she receive the call from a number she knew?

@hellotyi

My dh doesn't know his brothers number , they are not close.

Good point. Could be some sort of scam.

You can look up if he really did die in February.

I actually don’t know why they weren’t in touch.
From what my mum said previously, my uncle was quite flash, liked spending money, whereas my mum is the total opposite. I suspect they were chalk and cheese, and I get the feeling that mum was treated very differently from her brothers, growing up (probably very much in line with the era).
They lived a long way away from each other until the last 10 years or so, which may have something to do with it too.

Mu whole family is pretty dysfunctional, in all honesty - I grew up without having any real relationship with uncles, aunties, cousins etc.

It’s odd to me, because a/ it hadn’t occurred to me that that was why she’d want my address, and b/ I’m very surprised he’d have even thought about leaving me anything, given our non-relationship.

I understand now that it might be pretty standard legal stuff, so I’m glad I posted.

First of all, find out if your uncle really has passed away. Rule out any kind of scam. Then contact his family. You are probably beneficiaries, as other posters have said.

He and his partner were together for at least 30 years, but seemingly only got married relatively recently.
She was his second wife, so not the mother of his children.

Definitely who she said she was, as she mentioned one of my cousins being at the funeral, and also told my mum that she and my uncle had moved from their previous house, so mum took her new phone number.

I have tried to find a death notice for him, but not found anything from a quick online search.

But they’re not likely to be beneficiaries - that’s why the OP is confused🤦‍♀️

Chat gpt said this:

In the UK, the most reliable way to find out if someone has passed away is to check the death records. You can do this by using the online search facilities provided by the General Register Office (GRO) or by contacting the local register office for the area where the person died.

To use the online search facilities, you will need to provide the person's full name, their date of birth, and the date of their death (if known). There is a small fee for using this service.

Alternatively, you can contact the local register office where the person died. You will need to provide the same information as for the online search, and there may also be a fee for this service.

It's worth noting that there may be a delay in the records being updated, so if the person has recently passed away, it may be best to wait a few days before checking the records.

And someone with a few pieces of information can pretend to be someone else. So if your mum isn't close with her and hasn't spoken to her in years, someone saying 'I'm Doreen, we moved from Sussex, Match got married.' isn't necessarily Doreen.

Not the point of the post, but If he knew he was ill, they may have decided to marry so that she'd get access to benefits from his pension when he died. My stepdad got a lump sum from my Mum's pension that he wouldn't have gotten had they not married.

Thank you, that’s really helpful, ThatFraggle.

Thanks for all your responses.
I guess I’ll have to wait and see whether I hear anything further. It feels potentially like a slight to my mum, whether intentional or not. AFAIK, she and her twin had never had an actual falling out, rather they’d never been close and had simply drifted out of touch.
They are in their late 80’s and my mum is in poor health, so certainly wouldn’t have intruded on any funeral arrangements etc.

I can’t help but feel it’s sad to remember someone in your will, but not have contact during your lifetime.