Do I need to be worried I can’t afford my house?

[Str3ssed]

So on the surface of things, all should be ok.
dh earns 55k and I 40k (no real possibility of moving up quite yet) but we do get bonuses of around 10-15% (performance related)
current mortgage is 800. Childcare (2 dcs one of 30 funded hrs and one full paying) no options to reduce childcare costs either. We do 9/10 and alternate lieu days. One will have to stop when dc1 is of school age for pick ups and drop offs.

mortgage is likely to be 12-1300 pcm when we got to renew, we have a v low rate currently hence low monthly payments.

on paper after all expenses we have 2k left as disposable income however we just don’t… I can’t even explain it, some months there’s just bam some sort of urgent issue that needs fixing. Always and we end up at the end of the month coming pretty close to the limits and I cannot understand what is happening. DH is constantly breaking things as well that need to be replaced. He won’t mow the lawn or do weeding (I have chronic health problems) so we have a gardener in the summer. He always orders fucking takeaways too, at least once a week (maybe £15 a pop).

we’ve been over our budget with a fine tooth comb and as I said we should have 2k left. But we don’t. I’m getting worried that we won’t be able to afford a mortgage hike even though on paper we actually should and we’re super fortunate.

can someone reach through my phone and give my head a wobble please?!

Oh, also, I've been to Gumbet, Marmaris and Cappadocia in Turkey. I've never need travel vaccines. I'm cautious and have travelled to plenty of countries where I did get vaccines but not Turkey.

We are a one income household (although we do receive DLA for one of our DC), I'm a SAHM, we have 5 kids and they like their grub! We also have milk allergies so we buy the yoghurt, milk alternatives etc and we can afford fresh fruit and veg. Where are you shopping? Also, your wages are plenty to be able to cover all of your expenses, so like you said, maybe your husband is hiding something from you? Times are definitely tough with the cost of living rising, but you have a very healthy income. Also, I can't believe childcare costs are 1k a month 🤯

we have similar income and higher mortgage payments, and very comfortable lifestyle. There must be plenty of easy places to cut back

I’m not eating them, it’s when I’m in the office at work (which has free lunch and free teas and coffees and a fruit bowl… so I literally spend nothing there) dh will have a takeaway for lunch. Or when I was in hospital for an op last week. He’ll cook the kids some oven food and order himself something.

so last month, he dropped my cast iron pan on the kitchen tiles, broke a few, they needed to be replaced. He hit it right in the corner or 4 so 3 needed to be replaced (£100 right there as to get like for like was hard and they weren’t cheap) on dropping it, he took a massive chunk out of on of the cabinets (which looks awful, tbf that was only £25). Hols is under £2k all inc, bonuses easily cover that. Replacing or homeware I do the cheapest possible, Hunting around for deals.

i must be leaving something out of the budget because like you said it’s f’ing madness

I pay 1k in rent on my own and am on 35k a year with one DC in childcare. I do get universal credit but as I'm not on a mega low wage it's not loads. Your mortgage will only be 300 more than my rent and you're take home more than double what I earn. You should be fairly comfortable I'd have thought. Where is that 2k a month going? That's a lot of money. I have £200 a month left over and I manage (just). I suspect there are a lot of things you can cut back on.

Yup 1k per month most month, with lunch supervision and wrap around for the eldest it’s just shy of £30 a day and it’s £60 for the youngest… no childminders no cheaper options, no where you’d want your kids to go at least. But still on paper it should be ok.

i know I paid £700 towards the hols this month from my salary so that’s where my extra went likely for dh too but every month it’s something like this

So your DH is buying lunch everyday?

So that could easily by £300 a month

Not sure why the tiles needed urgently replacing- does your house need to look like a show home?

£2k holiday - bonus easily covers that. Well that shows your attitude of "we earn x so can easily afford y" when actually it seems you can't. What about passports/spending money/meals/airport parking/clothes for the holiday etc?

If you and your DH are genuinely worried about loosing the house then you both should be going through your budget and bank statements very carefully.

I would suggest posting on Money Saving Expert forum or finding a UK Dave Ramsey group.

Your casual comments about your bonuses covering the holiday to justify it and £200 on a pair of shoes and a coat. If you feel worries about bills try a no spend challenge and just stop frittering any money. With the kind of disposable income you should have you should be overpaying the mortgage not worried about not being able to afford it

No once a week, I only go once a week

they weren’t just chipped, could’ve lived with that but they broken and sharp and dangerous.

well from our bonuses and working out costs and budgets etc which like i said on paper should be ok, holiday booked at start of year, i just secured a new job (same
conpany hence bonus) so ‘should’ be ok and dh just had a 7% raise… We have passports, not taking a lot of spending money as it’s an AI, no airport parking as have a lift, clothes for kids will be Vinted/ supermarket and dh and I pretty much have all we need (luckily).

nursery lost dc2 shoes and huge rip on coat and best part of £200

Wait - hangon a kid <4 and shoes and a coat cost a good chunk of 200 quid?!

Coat (it's summer!) from Decathlon or Supermarket - 25 quid, shoes for a toddler, even if you went to clarks, 40 quid - how did you spend 200 on it?

How did you spend 200 pounds on makeup, skincare, a pair of toddler shoes, and a toddler coat? Have prices got that crazy in the UK? Where I am, the price of clothes has gone through the roof. I was hoping to buy some stuff when I come over in the summer, but maybe I won't now.

Also, I can't believe childcare costs are 1k a month

I live an hour north of London. We were talking about childcare costs the other day. The cheapest we could find for full time (8.30-5.30pm) care was £1,300. In the village where we work it was £1,700. Obviously the second provider posted their fees at a weekly rate to make it seem less painful 😬

I’ve had 2 Mat leaves in 4 years and dh until last year was mid 40s. We can’t really make overpayments with the htb but have enough savings for 50% of it.

it wasnt £200 on a coat and shoes, just those 2 items, that’s the total of what I’ve ‘spent’ this month not on essential bills. Shoes and coat was for the kids and then other bits, like makeup, skincare, a new heat pack, vitamins , some bedsheets etc

Our mortgage is similar. We have one DC in nursery with 30 hours and DTs about to start (no funding). I go back to work at the end of the month as a band 6 nurse and earn more than DH.

If you're worried.... we're fucked! 🤣

I think you both need to sit down, discuss and realise that you are not financially "comfortable" as your income isn't high relative to your outgoings especially considering high childcare costs.

Either there is debt you aren't aware of or you both frittering away and living on the edge of your needs.

No, shoes were £32, jacket £20, makeup and skin care bits from boots £45. £200 was the total I’ve spent on non essential bills. I worded it poorly

OK, understood.

You just need to write down everything - like you, I budget about 500-600 a month for the big things that seem to always come up (dentist, car insurance, new tyres, heating oil etc) and see where it's going - you should have enough. I have a similar income, but no mortgage and don't moderate myself at all - I could cut my outgoings in half if I did (I do have detailed spreadsheets, so can see where I'm frittering)

I second YNAB. There's a 30 day free trial and if you can get it to work for you it's life changing.

Nothing helpful to add but just a bit of solidarity. We have a household income of about 85k, nursery fees of about £1200 a month (one 1yo, one 3yo), mortgage of about £1000 and theoretically should be doing well. However, every month there something (car tax, car repairs, oven breaks, new car seat...) and we're also trying to clear debt accrued through two close maternity leaves. Having been through our finances the only place we can cut down is petrol (both have reasonably far commutes to work which are unavoidable, but we also like going hiking at the weekend, sometime an hour away which has to stop) and food (don't do coffee or cafe trips, don't eat meat but could do more bulk cooking to cut costs)

Wow! I had no idea it was so much, that's bonkers.

I found it helpful to go through the whole year and track on the mint app- that way I was taking into account one offs like the hair dresser, car service and averagely yearly repair costs. I split it out by month so although our monthly car budget is $350, in practice most months we spent $80 on fuel and nothing else and then a couple times a year we have tax, service, repairs, a long trip meaning we spend a little more etc but the excess gets saved every month so it’s never a surprise.

I would recommend the spreadsheet on the Martin Lewis website .

we have a monzo account and it really helps .

1 it categorises all your spending
2 you can have pots that you pay into

so we have a holiday pot and a savings pot and an incidental bills pot , in there we put money for cars / dentists / birthdays / Christmas / vet bills / management charges etc . Over the year the incidentals add up

"it wasnt £200 on a coat and shoes, just those 2 items, that’s the total of what I’ve ‘spent’ this month not on essential bills. Shoes and coat was for the kids and then other bits, like makeup, skincare, a new heat pack, vitamins , some bedsheets etc"

I'm starting to get it. You seem to be spending on stuff that doesn't need to be paid for right now when things are tight. The broken tiles could have been grouted over until you are in a better position. Why did you buy new bedsheets? Was the heat pack really necessary?

You are spending like someone who has plenty of spare cash when you are saying that you don't.

i guess though we’re in the best position now we’re going to be for a while… I doubt my mortgage will be sub £1k for a long while now. Definitely needed the heat pack (my old one scorched after being well loved and the little beans were falling out) need it for pain management for health condition, sheets needed cot bed sheets due to a very dodgy tummy on the youngest that despite best endeavours wouldn’t come out, same story for our bed when dc2 slept with us, (needed new mattress protector too)

tiles I guess…. But it looked awful but it’s those sorts of things. Dh refuses to build things so wants to hire someone to build them (so we get a Wendy house for one of the kids as a gift and then he won’t build it, he’s the worst at trying just gets flustered can’t do it and gives up) and it’s this sort of shit that drives me barmy!

I’ve just done the budget Link that was posted, super helpful thank you! And with our increase to mortgage it says we have £1100 left over so of £500 of that is an immediate disaster fund then still should be ok, it’s that extra pissing it away on ducking biscuits and food that needs to stop… I reckon that’s easily £200 a month and for what