Do I need to be worried I can’t afford my house?

[Str3ssed]

So on the surface of things, all should be ok.
dh earns 55k and I 40k (no real possibility of moving up quite yet) but we do get bonuses of around 10-15% (performance related)
current mortgage is 800. Childcare (2 dcs one of 30 funded hrs and one full paying) no options to reduce childcare costs either. We do 9/10 and alternate lieu days. One will have to stop when dc1 is of school age for pick ups and drop offs.

mortgage is likely to be 12-1300 pcm when we got to renew, we have a v low rate currently hence low monthly payments.

on paper after all expenses we have 2k left as disposable income however we just don’t… I can’t even explain it, some months there’s just bam some sort of urgent issue that needs fixing. Always and we end up at the end of the month coming pretty close to the limits and I cannot understand what is happening. DH is constantly breaking things as well that need to be replaced. He won’t mow the lawn or do weeding (I have chronic health problems) so we have a gardener in the summer. He always orders fucking takeaways too, at least once a week (maybe £15 a pop).

we’ve been over our budget with a fine tooth comb and as I said we should have 2k left. But we don’t. I’m getting worried that we won’t be able to afford a mortgage hike even though on paper we actually should and we’re super fortunate.

can someone reach through my phone and give my head a wobble please?!

It's not rocket science, you really need to go through your bank statements and work out where that £2k each month is going and how you can cut back. Your mortgage is pretty low for your incomes at the moment.

Exactly it’s pretty low for us to be coming close to the line every month. We have largely separate finances and then transfer our bills money to our central joint account.

but dh says he’s struggling despite taking home 600 more than me each month because he pays for everything, we do a 60/40 split. I know I’ve had a hard time cost wise because I had to have a root canal and pay the excess on my work health insurance for my chronic condition and we paid for our summer hols but I don’t understand his expenses

We have a similar income and kids in child situation and mortgage payment looming in sept.

In no way are we in the same situation, we have savings each month and we can absorb the new mortgage cost. I think it’s going through the last 3 months in detail, how much do you spend on takeaways, coffee, lunch at work etc this adds up easily.

what else is it being spent on and what can be cut?

Exactly it’s pretty low for us to be coming close to the line every month. We have largely separate finances and then transfer our bills money to our central joint account.

we also do this any money left in your own account is phone bill then savings or maybe a new tshirt. do you both need to review what’s being spent in your personal accounts too?

I'd guess you are not taking account of non -recurring or irregular expenses when you look at your budget, eg you should have a "sinking fund" for dentists, hair appointments, car MOT etc.

Compiling a detailed budget can help understand how these things can be budgeted for eg www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/budgeting/budgeting/work-out-your-budget/budgeting-tool/

I really think you need to have a hard focus on this for the next few months. Some things to try:

Write down everything you both spend, every packet of chewing gum, pint of milk, everything for a whole month - will help you see where the money is going

Agree an amount for casual spending and take this out in cash every week, when it's gone it's gone

Have a no-spend day per week ( or more) or even a week per month where you use up what is in the fridge/freezer, read the newspaper online instead of buying one, take coffee and snacks from home etc. if you saved money during the first covid lockdown because non essential shops , restaurants etc were not open, you may have part of your answer

In the short term, have you stuff you could sell to build up more of a buffer?

This flowchart shows helpful steps towards long term financial stability, but the key is being super honest about what you actually spend right now

You have a partner spending issue. If he won’t do the garden when he is fit bd able to he can pay for the gardening out of his spends. Same with takeaways!

Why won't he do the garden? You have a lazy partner issue here.

Go through statements and colour code. Show him how much takeaways are. I earn 50k on my own and my mortgage has recently increased to £1200 (from 900). I don’t have childcare costs as my dc are older, but I only have the one income.

my ex used to spend all the time but seemingly didn’t know why we had no money. You have a Dh problem.

It's just too much spending. It's easy to do. Do you do top up shops, coffees out, new things for the DC and/or the house fairly often? Even small amounts here and there adds up fast.

I really need to cut my spending. We earn a little bit less than you, also have 2 DC and the mortgage is currently 1600 before our rates go up!

I use money hub you code each spend to eg groceries, every etc and it means you can see what you are spending money on. I would worry husband has some outgoings he's not telling you about. But prices have gone up a lot my grocery bill is horrific, energy prices etc. I suspect you don't have a detailed enough budget.

We've cut spending massively. It's just what people need to do when they can no longer comfortably afford the things they used to have. It won't be forever, just until we get inflation under control again.

It's just life OP, things change, we adapt.

We don’t do coffees or teas out but top up shops are a killer. Kids have allergies too so it’s things like milk alternatives and cheese alternatives etc

He has pretty severe allergies and he says it’s only £120 for the whole summer so not the cost of our mortgage so that’s not the problem

I'd say you need to look carefully at where the money is going - you should be fine.
I earn 20k - so bring home about a grand less than you, similar mortgage, no childcare - but save 1100 a month. We aren't struggling. So, if your childcare isn't much more than 2100 a month, you shouldn't need to run out of cash?

That’s exactly it the adhoc extra expenses, like travel vaccines and new car seats and dentists, bathroom units there seems to be one every month, but I baked into our spreadsheet an extra £500 a month for that but still.

that’s a great link I’ll do it tonight x

It’s about £1k 😕 and no sign of it going down next school year, it will remain similar until dc2 gets the 30 hrs funded in 2025

My take home is 2.4K and his is 3 I think

@Defiantlynot41 have you a link to that flowchart please, I can’t see it and would love a look at it.

Opps, sorry, should add DH is on 55k!

With regards to non urgent things like bathroom cabinets you need to assess if it's absolutely necessary to do?? Can it wait till next month??

Same with takeaways?? Can't afford it? Don't do it

honestly you guys are frittering - and I say this as someone who did exactly the same. We wasted money on rubbish and got ourselves into a whole heap of debt.

I created a spreadsheet and every single thing is on there, both what comes out the accounts and then planned expenses. We have pots for numerous things so that we don’t scrabble round when something breaks. Pot money goes out on payday same as all bills. We spend a lot but it is discretionary - I am now intentionally spending money on what we want rather than wondering where all our money went.

if he’s struggling but earning more, he’s spending it on something. At that income, it can be easy to think that treats don’t really have a limit and that there’s more in the account but it’s relatively easy to whistle through that.

ideally you both need to sit down and budget. I do all of ours but that’s because I’m very fussy about it and like to have control, whereas DH as a SAHP is happy to let me give him household budgets

takeaways frankly can always wait

cabinets was just a for instance we don’t do it all in one month but what I meant was we seem to loom from one extra expense to the next. The cabinets for instance have been on hold for months, but are definitely in the need column.

being stressed is no fun but neither is not knowing where the money is going.
both of you need to print off all your account details for the last 3 months and go over line item by line item.
despite knowing his annual pay, are you or your dh paying extra into separate accounts (extra into pension or a "special" savings account for example).
are you working strictly with take home values and don't round them up/down use exact numbers.
it's a bit of a faff to sit down and review the whole lot for 3 months but it will be worthwhile.

This is exactly it… but I can’t think on what. I’m going to want to see the last few month statements

as of right now we have £900 left between us, but if we were on the high mortgage then we’d be really in the shit

I would sit down with him and set a budget, go through it all together.

Are you sure he doesn't have a credit card he is paying off or loan?