Dd destroys everything

[RockSocks]

More of a rant but school just called, again, to say Dd2 shoes are falling apart.
I only got this pair mid March and have had to spend out more money I can't afford right now because she can't keep anything nice

There was a non uniform day for the corination and she wore a her sisters old summer dress, perfect condition not a mark on it
She drew on it in black marker pen and all over her hands
Every school top is covered in marker pen she's 7
She's drawn on her bed, the walls, toys.
Pens were all removed months ago I don't know where she gets them from

Loved toys she will cry they are broken for a matter of minutes then couldn't care less.

Broke her pe bag yesterday, sunglasses last week
Nothing is safe and no matter how many times we try nothing sinks in

Stop replacing things, she’s old enough to know not to draw all over things with marker pen. Let her keep the old toys and stained clothes and be a bit embarrassed when she wears them.

I have stopped with almost everything, we've also taken most of the toys out of her room and left her with a few so I can keep an eye on what she's doing easier but I can't send her into school without shoes that match the dress code and they cost a small fortune for ones that won't damage her feet
She has terrible balance falls over constantly and good quality footwear helps

No advice but I hear you. Autistic 10yo here, I have actually looked up 'unbreakable light bulbs' before (with no luck).

(I'm not an autistic 10yo, my child is)

Poor balance, clumsiness, messiness etc can be a sign of dyspraxia. Does she bump into things a lot/have poor spatial awareness? What are her other gross motor skills like? Can she climb, skip, ride a bike?

Of course she might just be a a wobbly, clumsy little girl - I was!

What consequences are there for this destructive behaviour?

Autistic child here, we get through a mountain of bags and stationery. A chewed biro stains everything. Badly.

I can't imagine I'll be able to add anything you haven't already thought of, but if funds allow a private OT assessment might be worth the money.

That sounds so frustrating! alcohol gel works wonders getting ink off things.

Has she been assessed for dyspraxia?

Second hand shoes. Look on Vinted, eBay, Facebook selling, charity shops etc. Can she wear supermarket shoes? Not sure what you mean by some shoes damaging her feet? The notion of Clarks shoes being the only good ones for growing kids feet is long gone.

Have you considered she might be dyspraxic?

Clumsiness is one thing, wanton destruction of property is another. No pocket money, no new clothes, no new toys, no treats - every single time she gets pen on anything she'll be made to wash it off in the sink with a stain remover pen. Plenty of kids are clumsy (I was), pen ending up on everything is deliberate.

Don't know what brand you go for. I find Start Rite lasts way better than Clarks. I have friends who swear by Next and Asda for school shoes.

It's easier with boys, the ones with the rubber toes last well. But this sounds like a much wider problem than shoes. What have you tried as a displacement activity? Maybe find some smelly washable pens and let her have those, or give her a tray of couscous to draw with her finger in, or a magnetic drawing pad, or one of those soft toys that comes with washable pens. Apologies if you've tried all these. I do get the argument that discipline will fix the problem but if you can find an alternative she will find it much easier to "be good".

My child used to absolutely shred everything in his pencil case, but better support at school has totally cured this. Not by addressing the behaviour but by meeting his needs so he didn't need to stim.

Ks1 kids have access to marker pens at school? Really? They are not suitable for thst age group in terms of fumes or putting them in their mouth

KS1 children are given Whiteboard pens on a daily basis. And go home covered in whiteboard pen marks.

I assume they're non-toxic.

OP, is she just clumsy?

We're the shoes supermarket ones/clarks/a more expensive brand?

I found spending more on shoes is really worth it, but I wouldn't always buy new shoes at the start of the year if I had to buy them now.

Everything your DD is doing my DC did, so I'm not sure if this is just normal child behaviour.

My dc was the same when he was younger. I don't replace them, except for shoes. It's annoying, but can't really keep an eye for how he wears his shoes. Uniforms with paint/ink, I just let him wear it. Also destroyed pe bag. He wanted a new one, but I fixed it. Writing on the wall, I really didn't mind.

Have you asked her why she draws on the walls / uniform etc? What is your elder daughter like? Reason I ask is that my DD with ASD never puts a foot wrong, is always tidy and pristine, never rule breaks; but my younger one does and while we suspect he might have adhd his rule breaking is quite normal. We were just spoiled with DD lol