Three DC or stick at two?

[2threeornottothree]

I know this has been done before but I wanted to ask about my personal circumstances what would up choose, to stick at 2 kids or have a third?

Pros:

• house is big enough and we have enough money
• need a bigger car but that’s an easy fix and we have savings to allow this
• I would love another child (not keen on pregnancy or newborns)
• Always thought I would have 3

Cons

• Have horrific pregnancies putting massive strain on my DH as he need pick up loads while I’m in hospital
• Potential damage to my body with each pregnancy and we have had to TFMR as I extremely poorly in hospital (recommended by doctors). We could TTC again and it might not be as bad or it could be horrible again.

I also come from a a large family where I was the forgotten middle child who felt left out all the time. I have good girl syndrome and a lot of issues my childhood around not feeling enough and trying to be perfect to please my parents. I worry that having a third will take my time even more and I will fail my children. We never had a lot of money growing up, parents never said they loved me or that they were proud.

My heart says have another but logically I should stick at 2.

Stick with two.

How old are you?

id probably say stick at 2. Sounds a lot in the cons section.

When you say you have enough money , how much money do you think you need to put one child through university and get them onto the housing ladder?

How much is full time childcare / our of school care for 3 kids?

How much will you need to put into your pension to make Up for all that part time working / maternity leaves ?

Go do your maths.

Then you will decide to stick at 2.

Stick with two. Quit while you are ahead.

I did the whole pros and cons thing for 4 years and ended up having number 3 who is now 1. But your pregnancy sickness sounds incredibly extreme and it’s hard to say, but in your shoes I probably wouldn’t put myself through that again. Plus your existing kids having a non functioning mum for a bit while you’re pregnant?

I don’t know, pregnancy is such a short period in the grand scheme. But I vote no, honestly. Quit while the going is good.

In your circumstances, I would say no as there is rather a long list of cons.

I'm from a big family and would have loved a third child but one of the main things that put me off was that I didn't get a lot of individual attention as a child as there were just too many of us for my parents to have one on one time with us. Plus the risk of having an ill child or anything happening to me for baby number 3. I decided to quit while the going was good, despite my heart saying have another.

@MyFaceIsAnAONB yes 100% I will be laid in bed for 3/4 months minimum and I miss my current children. It’s hard mentally and physically.

@TUCKINGFYP0 if I include helping them at uni (which I believe has just got worse for cost with the loan changes) then 2 is the best idea. I would love to help them on the housing ladder and three would make that difficult

@ThreeRingCircus glad to meet another person in my shoes. It’s hard to explain to people how coming from a large family has affected me.

You’re probably right, quit while ahead and enjoy the babies I have. I can travel with them and we are just coming out the toddler years so it’s closing that era….still sad about it but probably the right decision

really Isn’t an easy decision for you. I wouldn’t say I wish I sticked to 2 because I adore DC3 but life is a lot harder.

• the car thing, easy to change but it’s years of having a humongous car
• holidays are ridiculously expensive
• with 3 - there is always 2 arguing / bickering
• easier to give attention to 2 without 1 feeling left out
• cost - we were financially okay when we had DC3 but things have changed and with how expensive things are it’s not easy. Buying 3 sets of school uniforms is a lot dearer than 2n& Buying their summer wardrobe is so expensive

i Really don’t think anyone can tell you what to do, I listened to lots of opinions but my heart wanted 3 and if I stuck with 2 I would have regretted it down the line

35 so not too old or too young…but coming out the toddler years

Personally that would be a no for me (I’m a similar age and also considered a 3rd). Might feel different if you were younger and maybe could maybe wait so you didn’t have 3 young children.

Thats just my feelings though and very much based on my not wanting to deal with a small baby with 2 older kids who need a lot. Everyone’s got to weigh up their own choices and you have a better understanding of how you would manage than anyone else.

@Hamsterwheel21 if my health wasn’t a concern I would have another tomorrow. However I’m scared I might die (very rare complications but it has happened). The state of the nhs and care I would need is also a con.

i don’t want to leave my babies with no mum

I’m also weighing it up.

For me pros are:

• always wanted 3!
• adore babies and have been blessed with easy pregnancies and fantastic births
• existing kids have a beautiful relationship and I want more of it
• we have plenty of money and can easily afford it.

Cons are:

• no family support nearby and work full time so worry about time for the kids
• fear that something would happen to me or that the baby would have additional needs that would impact existing kids
• fear of multiples for same reason as above as I’m 36 now with twins in the family
• fear that gap between dc1 and baby might make things tricky (kids currently 5 and 2.5 so would be nearly 6 and 3 if we went for it now)

I have no answers! 2 is safer for sure but I’d still like another.

I feel mostly the same as you @JanuaryPinks

We don't have loads of money though. We are comfortable with two but three would impact holidays etc. I feel like my current DCs would 'miss out' if we had a third. But would probably benefit in other ways.

I just have a general feeling I'm 'pushing my luck' if I go for another.

I think in your position OP I would stick at two.

@JanuaryPinks i have 8, 5 and 1 year olds and the gap is heaven tbh. Allows the older one to play with babyish things with no shame, and he absolutely adores the baby (wants to be a babysitter when he grows up). Whole week with just the baby while the big ones are at school. Highly recommend, if you do do it!

Op. I've never regretted having my 3rd DC she is has such a delight however I had very straightforward easy pregnancies. If you're likely to spend months in bed I would stick at 2.

@staybyyou I have this gut feel too like I’m pushing my luck that I can’t shake!

@iusedtobeasize8 fancy being a surrogate 🤣😂 (I’m joking, I don’t have the money as yes I have looked into this as an option.

Sounds like you'd be pushing your luck tbh. Some people have bodies which aren't cut out for having more dc and you have a perfectly fine family as it is.

However I’m scared I might die (very rare complications but it has happened). The state of the nhs and care I would need is also a con.

i don’t want to leave my babies with no mum

MN tend to be less kids in most threads I've read - I have three kids- but I have to say this is a massive negative.

The NHS is pretty dire in many places so with these risk and the 3-4 months away from existing kids with bedrest - I'd say stick with two.

yes 100% I will be laid in bed for 3/4 months minimum and I miss my current children. It’s hard mentally and physically.

And don't forget that your DH will have two children to look after this time, not one, and it is a big ask.

@RampantIvy yes you are right it’s a massive ask to be a single parent and carer not to mention the worry and trying to hold down jobs.

Thanks everyone I knew logically it was a bad idea and was feeling down. Really sad we can’t complete our family as planned.

However so much to look forward to and different positives. I need to focus on that