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Bi curious acquaintance

3 replies

Dumbedumdedum · 09/05/2023 10:45

I'm looking for a bit of advice about an acquaintance/ new friend (X)who I think might be bi-curious.

Quick summary below of the situation:

I attend a class one evening a week, there are 8 of us who take the class and X takes the training.

X usually spends a bit of time talking individually to everyone, just about social things while some of the others are doing exercises.

I am a lesbian and have been with my partner a number of years. Prior to finding this out X didn't spend much time talking to me really (although that could be because I was fairly new to the class). As soon as X found out I had a girlfriend she became very chatty and would ask a number of questions about my partner, how long we'd been together, why didn't I bring her along to class etc (noone else takes their OH to class).

We had a social gathering a couple of months ago, most of the people that attend her classes were there. I could sense X looking at me when I was chatting to other people from class and at one point she snuck up behind me and said something quite playful in my ear, her body just touching my back.

X will show me things on her phone in class, instead of just passing me her phone or turning it round so I can see she just stands right against me, her arm leaning against mine showing me her phone.

X will say things like look at your hand then touch them. I'm a gardener so my hands can get a bit rough sometimes!

Occasionally my SIL comes to class with me, if she is there X barely speaks to me or waits for my SIL to be doing an exercise then will come over for a chat.

X has started wearing tighter fitting clothes to class and she looks like she is making more of an effort in her appearance (make-up etc). I'd say she usually has quite an andro look.

X is a similar age to me, married to a man and has a couple of daughters. She does have a moan about him in class occasionally but I assume she is quite happy with him.

I am diagnosed autistic so sometimes find I don't read social situations very well and I usually can't tell if someone likes me even as a friend.
Something about the way X acts though feels quite flirty.
I don't want to give her the wrong impression, I am very happy with my OH but I have been told in the past I'm quite flirty (I think I'm just being friendly)

I can't tell whether she is just hoping for a bit of attention and it's safer coming from a woman as her husband is less likely to notice her flirting with a lady rather than another bloke. Or, whether she is possibly unhappy in her marriage and questioning her sexuality and using me as a bit of tool in her exploration.
I don't think she fancies me because her behaviour only became like this when she found out I was gay.

I would try and ask her about her sexuality to see if she'd open up but I'm not sure how to approach that really.

I remember what it was like to question my sexuality and I was young and had no commitments. I can't imagine what it's like if your a bit older, married with kids.

Should I try and be a friend and speak to her about it or just let it be.

OP posts:
ShinySherry · 09/05/2023 10:53

I don't think I'd do anything at all to be honest. Whilst it sounds like you probably have a reasonably sound interpretation of what's going on, I'm not sure what you want to achieve? You've said you're happy with your OH. Whatever this woman wants, have a think about whether you'd like your OH behaving in a similar way. It may be that X is trying to have an ego boost by hoping you will fancy her rather than actually wanting anything more.
I'd leave well alone or it could turn sour quickly and affect you going to the class and your own relationship.

LysHastighed · 09/05/2023 11:01

It’s very nice of you to want to help her but some aspects of how she seems to be expressing her curiosity make this impossible for you to do. Which is on her, not you.
What you could do is question mildly some of her suggestions, e.g. ‘Why do you say I should bring Jane? I’ve never seen any other partners here?’
And if she touches you ‘accidentally’, say ‘let me give you more space’ and move.

watcherintherye · 09/05/2023 11:02

To be honest, if I were in your shoes with someone (m or f) like this, unless I wanted to pursue anything, I’d stop going and find another class! I hate awkward/tricky situations and I always feel life’s too short to spend it agonising about how to handle them, if you don’t have to!

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