Have you felt judged by your child’s school?

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Interested to know if there have been situations where you have felt judged. By your child’s school or teacher. How did you deal with it?

Yes. I have a child with SEN. Goes with the turf. I just keep on doing the best I can and hope the teachers figure that out.

100%. He’s now been diagnosed with dyspraxia which has helped but for a loooong time I felt very judged, attacked and looked down upon. He attends school in a predominantly low income area and I get the feeling some of the teachers feel they are better than a lot of the parents. I went to the same school and my
mum said it was the same back then so it’s clearly the culture of the school. And this isn’t me knocking teachers, one of my best friends actually teaches at his school.

I dealt with it by calling them out directly. I have had numerous meetings with the head and his teachers. The last meeting I had with the head I explained how some of her staff look down on parents, are sarcastic and patronising. She denied it but then 3 days later I heard her speak to another parent in a TRULY demeaning way like she was something on her shoe. It was actually quite upsetting. I was so disgusted I said ‘ this is exactly what I was talking about in the meeting’. Clearly that attitude comes from the top down. Vile attitude.

His teacher now is lovely. Could not be nicer. But I won’t tolerate be spoken to like I’m
thick by ANYONE so always stand up for myself and my DS

@AvrilApril how do you maintain a positive relationship with the staff if they are talking down to you and judging that the problems are down to parenting rather than other needs?

This is my day job. I'm non teaching DSL and spend all my time dealing with parents who could well feel judged by what I'm saying.

I am not judging them and instead recognise no family is perfect and asking for ir recognising you need help is to be commended, not judged. But if the parent feels judged usually comes down not to what I (school) say or do, but from the own parents inner dialogue.

how do you maintain a positive relationship with the staff if they are talking down to you and judging that the problems are down to parenting rather than other needs?

From my point if view I'd say accept all extra support offered (even if its parenting support). The parents who deserve judgment are those who refuse to allow help and support because they think that accepting support is a judgment on them. It isn't.

I haven’t always. I have spent many a time in tears over something they’ve said over the years. But over the last few years I have had a total shift in attitude, in that I know I’m not a bad mum and that I have done everything possible for my son and that the teachers are just people doing a job. There’s nothing special about a teacher, they don’t get to judge me. I’m a nurse and I don’t buy into the ‘all nurses are angels’. We’re not, we’re just doing a job just like my ds’s teachers so now whenever a member of staff does try and talk in a patronising tone I call them out. For example there’s one teacher who a lot of parents have complained about. Last week ds had a letter home about an after school club and it said please return to Miss X. So I filled it in, she was at the door letting kids out and when the last kids had trickled out I handed it to her and she said
’what are you giving this to me for’. I said because it says return to you. She sighed and rolled her eyes and said yes but i doesn’t literally return to me and tried to hand it me back!!!! She said go over there and give it to Miss Z and she’ll get it to me. I said well you’ve got it in your hand now, don’t be so ridiculous. And walked away. Silly woman 🤷‍♀️

Yes. Also parent of send kids. I don't/haven't had good relationships with stupid schools because they make it impossible. I do have good relationships with good schools who aren't full of idiots.

Oh here we go....

Another parent of a child with SEN - head in particular has an issue with me as after years I took steps to try to ensure my DC received what was in their EHCP. I am always polite and reasonable - in a way it’s been helpful as it’s made me properly get over caring what people think!

Have had some great teachers along the way though who haven’t been like that.

My other DC is NT and it’s been eye opening the different way a lot of teachers and other parents respond to me.

my second oldest just started K and I feel with how out spoken, and sometimes quite mischievous she can be that her teacher assumes we have no structure at home. I often do feel maybe it’s my internal monologue telling me I’m worried about it but really I’m just being a bit defensive. I guess the only way to know is to talk with them about the situation with open communication.