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Original poster

Oops message sent to wrong person

25 replies

maimeo · 08/05/2023 16:50

Would love opinions on how to respond when friend sends rather snide message about me, to me accidentally, instead of to mutual friend! She's generally a good friend, and I'm fond of her, but I'm a bit upset by it. I'd say she's realized and is mortified and in a panic!

OP posts:
FlickFlackTrap · 08/05/2023 16:52

‘Good to hear what you really think!’ And I’d leave it at that. Let her stew!

BillyNoM8s · 08/05/2023 16:52

Depends what exactly was said.

"Shall I pretend I haven't seen this?"

NailsHairNipsHeels · 08/05/2023 16:59

"Well this is awkward..."

Then say no more but think whether you want to be friends with someone so willing to bitch about you behind your back

PotKettel · 08/05/2023 17:00

Where’s there is one snide message, there are probably more. I would distance myself pretty promptly.

SargentSagittarius · 08/05/2023 17:03

I wouldn’t reply, I’d wait and see if she has enough gumption to own up and apologise.

Difficult to come back from something like that.

ohyesohyesoh · 08/05/2023 17:03

PotKettel · 08/05/2023 17:00

Where’s there is one snide message, there are probably more. I would distance myself pretty promptly.

This

Mouthfulofquiz · 08/05/2023 17:04

What level of snide was it?

Ladybug14 · 08/05/2023 17:04

Oh dear. At least you now know who she is.

Greenfinch7 · 08/05/2023 17:04

This is such a horrible and difficult situation, with everyone feeling bad. The truth is that almost everyone has (on occasion) said some snide thing about a dear friend- because life isn't back and white. We can occasionally have difficult thoughts about people we love and value. It is awful when those thoughts get exposed to the wrong person, though.

I think if what she said is completely untrue and deeply hurtful, I might respond like FlickFlackTrap, but if there is some truth in her words (though phrased horribly) I would try to be at my best and write something along the lines of: 'We all occasionally criticise our friends to other people, and you are right that I can be negative and stagnant in my approach to life, and I sometimes try too hard to be funny... I bet you are feeling bad I saw your message, but I will try to be ok about it'. (I am writing here about what I can imagine some of my friends might say about me behind my back.)

LoonyLois · 08/05/2023 17:05

“You didn’t mean to send that to me did you?”

Lioney · 08/05/2023 17:07

What did the message say?

GoodChat · 08/05/2023 17:07

Has she sent a follow up message?

Annoyingwurringnoise · 08/05/2023 17:08

I think I’d just respond. ‘Yeah… I didn’t appreciate that.’

Onesipmore · 08/05/2023 17:11

Can you give us an idea of what was said?

90stalgia · 08/05/2023 17:13

Be honest; "I know you didn't mean to send that to me, but I'm a little hurt by it".

rwalker · 08/05/2023 17:20

You need to reply so she knows you’ve seen it
but say VERY little something like “oops “

Nearamir · 08/05/2023 17:26

Hmm, depends on exactly what it said.
For example, I know that I talk way too much and can be a bit opinionated. So if I accidentally saw a message saying, ‘couldn’t get a word in’ or ‘yeah, she would think that’ or something along those lines, I’d probably just reply and agree that I’m bloody annoying sometimes.

Original poster
maimeo · 08/05/2023 17:28

So my response was Perhaps you'd like to try sending that again privately to "other friend".....
She tried to bluff her way out of it by saying she had meant it for me in a jokey way..... which is patently untrue as she used my name in the third person.

OP posts:
Original poster
maimeo · 08/05/2023 17:29

Thank you for your thoughtful post, Greenfinch7...... kind advice which I'll think over 😊

OP posts:
FoxFeatures · 08/05/2023 17:29

Well I would now tell her that she is adding insult to injury if she thinks you are a fool.

Original poster
maimeo · 08/05/2023 17:31

"Well I would now tell her that she is adding insult to injury if she thinks you are a fool."

I do feel like saying that and I probably will when I see her!!😂

OP posts:
Pineapplepansy · 08/05/2023 17:35

Hope it wasn't too upsetting @maimeo - I bet she's horrified with herself.

Utterlypeanuterly · 08/05/2023 17:36

Something very similar happened to me years ago. One of a fairly new group of friends sent a message complaing about me to me by mistake. Initially it was like a punch in the face, I was so shocked. I replied to her, explaining the reason why I had done what she was complaining about. She was incredibly embarrassed and upset. It was a misunderstanding on her parrt.
She asked me to meet her so she could apologise in person. I met her, she apologised and we agreed to draw a line under it. I was actually so impressed with how she handled it. She didn't try to bluff her way out of it or minimise it.
We are now two of the closest friends within the group and see each other all the time.
I think the fact that your friend isn't a big enough person to own their mistake would be an end to the friendship for me.

Catlord · 09/05/2023 09:54

Depends if it's a fair cop or not tbh.

If it was mean and unfair then I might say 'we know that's not true (about sending as a joke) but it's good to know what you really think'.

If a the criticism rings true then 'shall we have a call and talk about this? I know you didn't mean to send it to me but I also know I can be flaky/ self centred/ abrupt sometimes and if this has affected you then I think we've known each other long enough to try and thrash it out'.

CoronationKicking · 09/05/2023 09:58

Depends what she said I think

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