How to get other people’s children to go away politely?

[123bumblebee]

I’ve got a 14 month old and am getting a bit fed up because every time we go out somewhere with other children we get harassed by older children wanting to play with her or me/DH.

Yesterday we were having a picnic and 2 older children came over stamping into our picnic, trying to drag her away (I intervened), giving her food, taking her toys to play with. All the while the parents either don’t do anything or make feeble attempts “come on, don’t do that” but don’t intervene.

I don’t want to be mean to children, it’s not their fault it’s the parents. But I don’t want to entertain other people’s children when we are trying to have some rare family time out. How to I politely tell the little blighters to go away? Or do you just act mean so they don’t want to come back?

Just to say I don’t mind her playing with other children when they are being nice and properly supervised by their own parents.

Just be firm, "time for you to go somewhere else now, we're going to have our picnic on our own so you need to play somewhere else, bye!" Smile and wave them off.

'Can you go back to your mummy please?' We need to be alone.'

"Are you lost? Go back to your parents now."

Could you take a special bag of brightly coloured sweets and sharp objects to hand out to the children? Hopefully the parents would step in then!

She's not very well and needs some quiet time, can you leave her alone please/be quiet please.

depending on the age and intensity of the invading children

this is not for you
please go away
no you may not have that
that is mine
we are not sharing today
because I said so
look a puppy over there

I’m just such a soft touch. My parents loved all children so would play with all children who joined in. So I feel that duty (and I do feel bad for other children whose parents aren’t engaging with them) but equally I hate playing with other kids 😂

Just tell them to go away back to their parents. If they have picked up something of yours or your child's then take it off them and say that it isn't theirs so they can't have it.

Don't be too tongue tied and don't be too nice.

‘If you go and ask your mummy/daddy/person you are with, they might buy you a kitten’.

They’ll not let the kids come back to you again 😁.

You don't have to be mean,but you do have to be very firm.

Leave that alone please, let dd go , go back to your parents now please. Go away!

I think you are being very unreasonable. Once you have children your life enters a different realm and dealing with other children is part of the deal.

You come accross as nasty, and one day soon your very little children will be slightly older, how would you like other people to treat your children that way?
This is the reason why children learn to bully because they tend to watch and learn from mother's like you, that it is ok to be mean and intolerant to other children. And nope you certainly didn't sound like a softy, quite the opposite!

^ that took longer than expected

I'm not nice anymore. I'm gentle parenting my kids not other peoples.
One girl kept trying to mother my daughter and she didn't want it. I told her to put her down and go away before I had to really step in.

It's unreasonable to not want a random child dragging the OPs daughter away ?

I tended to say 'your grown-up' as that covers all eventualities of who they are with. As in 'please go back to your grown-up'.

"Don't come near, we all have a terribly contagious disease and, trust me, you don't want to catch it" 😱

I usually teach my daughter to use her voice so if she complains someone is annoying her or if they take her toy I'll say something like "DD, tell them 'Im busy, please leave me alone' or 'don't touch me' or 'give that back, it's mine'". If she won't/can't say it then I will follow up and say it myself. I let it be lead by her though as many interactions with older children are lovely for her - I'll never forget when we were waiting at the drs and this lovely boy who must have been about 6 or 7 sat down next to DD who'd have been about 2 and was showing her his colouring book and how to colour.

If another child tried to take some of our food and I didnt have enough to share I'd just say "sorry, we're not sharing our food today. Go and ask your mummy for a snack."

‘Nice to meet you, it’s time for you to go back now’

This. There is no need to booby trap them or lie to them. Children are used to being told what to do by adults. Just tell them surely?

Unsure what will become of your DD not being allowed to socialise, but that’s another issue.

@ItsCalledAConversation what orifice did you pull that from?

@ItsCalledAConversation That's stretching it a bit far, the OP said nothing about not allowing her daughter to socialise! It's just not the time and place, family time is important. Kids also need to be taught when they are out that it's not always appropriate to try to make friends in every situation. Usually if a child/family wants to socialise, they'll go to a play area or social group. Imagine if an adult just pulled up a chair to join you in a restaurant without asking!

Children are not adults. Why do adults treat children this way? It is disgusting!

If they don't get it the first time , say 'you need to go away now'. I have no time for interfering kids, especially ones who try to undermine me!

No they are not adults but they should still be guided on social expectations. I really don't think it's mean to say to a child that it's time for them to go back to their adults, as long as it's said kindly.
As an engaged parent myself, it's really rude how some groups of adults treat other adults like free entertainers for their kids while they please themselves. My DH and I had this last summer, when we were rockpooling with our two youngest DC, and a young boy of about 5 just came along with us, splashing our DC, poking crabs we'd spotted etc while the adults he was with were sunbathing. It's the neglectful adults these children so often come with that should be ashamed, not families wanting to spend some quality time together and not wanting to be treated as free childcare.