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Original poster

Advice on consequences

9 replies

SayOrPay · 07/05/2023 17:10

Whilst playing out, your DC holds a cat and encourages a 7 year old to spray water at it with a water pistol. The cat scratches your DC as it tries to escape and the 7 year old sprays it as it ran away.

How would you deal with this?

I am so angry I'm not thinking straight and have sent DC to shower whilst I think.

(The cat does not belong to us, it is a cat that lives in an house the other side of the road above the playground. It is friendly, often comes to the playground when children are around.)

OP posts:
PizzaPastaWine · 07/05/2023 17:11

How old is the child holding the cat?

wildfirewonder · 07/05/2023 17:14

How old is your DC?

If they are both seven I would give them a serious talking to and confiscate the water pistol.

mbosnz · 07/05/2023 17:16

They'd both get a ruddy good bollocking from me. Water pistol would be confiscated and destroyed. They would also not be meeting in the street or playing together until I was certain they learned that cruelty to animals wasn't a game, or something that they are allowed to do.

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Original poster
SayOrPay · 07/05/2023 17:22

Water pistol unfortunately is not ours else it would already be gone.

@mbosnz That's why I'm in disbelief right now, I never imagined DS would have done something like that. He loves animals. Im
baffled.

He's 13 (I know it's no excuse, he is autistic.) I'm worried because he seems to lose all sense of what is right and wrong as soon as another child tells him to do something. Because he knows it's wrong. He also can't tell me why he did it or let the boy shoot at the cat.

OP posts:
ArianahX · 07/05/2023 17:48

The cat scratched him which was one lesson.

Tell him again that under no circumstances should he ever cause harm or distress to animals, as well as obviously younger children or the elderly, even if another child tells him to.
Re-iterate that its morally wrong and, now he's 13 causing harm to an animal or even a person can be a criminal offence & the police can become involved.

You have to be straightforward with him about consequences so he understands, as he is autistic and will take you literally.

I remember my Mum brought me up to respect others and behave appropriately but to my shame I did get led astray, I remember aged 11 my mates would get me to constantly ring an old lady's doorbell despite her telling us off, I was too in awe of my friends to say no. That lady must have got quite distressed by it.
We did other bad stuff too and my Mum would have been furious if she knew.
The consequences would have been a good telling off & a grounding for months!!

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 07/05/2023 17:50

This is about cruelty and the consequence should make sense in that context. If he has pocket money I'd be tempted to have him donate some to a cat rescue or other animal charity. I'd also want to speak to him to make sure he understands how fearful the cat must have been because of his actions.

Cc1998 · 07/05/2023 18:09

Do you know which house the cat belongs to? If so, the natural consequence to me would be to go out and buy some cat treats and a new blanket(?) out of DS's own money together at the shop and then go knock on the house and your son to apologise for spraying water at the cat (I'd probably keep this brief and not distress the owner!) and give the gifts by way of apology.

How do you know this happened? If you didn't see it happen yourself, I'd also suggest possibly monitoring his play more carefully for a while.

I'm very into natural consequences, I wouldn't punish him in other ways that aren't related, especially if he has any additional needs.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 07/05/2023 18:16

This is pretty unpleasant. I would probably have a (short) period of home-school-home on the basis that he has shown that he has been making poor and risky decisions when out unsupervised. Grounded through for a week to include next weekend?

It would also be good when you've both simmered down to have a chat about tactics for avoiding peer pressure or whether he has any worries about his friendship group.

Original poster
SayOrPay · 07/05/2023 19:52

I know it happened as my other DC and another child came to get me. I went and asked him what happened, he told me he wanted to pick up the cat and it got scared and scratched him. I asked him if he'd like to tell me again and he told me what happened.

The other kid said it was an accident that he'd sprayed the cat (doesn't tally with what the others said or explain why he kept spraying it as it ran) however this kid is known for lying at school. I told went and explained to his parents what had happened and his dad went to get him in.

about tactics for avoiding peer pressure
we've had endless chats about this, but it doesn't make any difference.

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