How to thank their generosity?

[likeloo]

My lovely parents have kindly offered to pay for our wedding. They’re also helping with our house deposit. They do not want anything in return and it comes with no conditions, but I feel like the offer is too generous. They spent so much money on giving us the best childhood and could now be enjoying their retirement with the money they want to gift to us. They love their holidays (they do manage a few a year) but I can’t help but think they could go on even more trips or stay 5*** and fly first class if they weren’t helping us.

I told them this. They just laughed and said don’t be silly, we don’t owe them a penny and so long as I’m happy then that’s all they want. They also said if they couldn’t afford to they wouldn’t so not to worry about that either.

They wouldn’t accept a physical gift and would try to give it back to us, I think. How can we thank them for all the help? I wondered about maybe going on holiday with them and us paying for it, or a city break or something where we get their hotel and flights. Does anyone have any ideas?

Watching for a similar reason.

I don't think they need a big thank you gift. Clearly they just want to help you as much as they can. This is exactly how I would feel about my children so it makes perfect sense to me. As for 5 star holidays, money is so hard to save up I'd rather my children were benefiting from it then I was wasting it. They have more than enough and they want to share it with the people they love most. It's how family should be.
Remember to make time for them, let them you you value them too, not just the financial contribution.

We have also been able to help our children in similar ways.

The only thanks they will want us to see you happy.. really that's all we want for our children. They will get lots of pleasure from helping you.

Every time we help out our children say the same as you... spend it on yourselves not us. But I enjoy helping my children as much as any holiday. I also want to see them enjoy it, and not have to wait til we're dead to enjoy our savings.

They really don't need gifts, just your time

Mine love videos or photo albums you create online.

I could have written your message from your parents’ perspective. My daughter is getting married in a couple of years, and she and her fiancé are having a small, very simple wedding as they want to buy a house, so we’re helping them out with a decent contribution to both the wedding and a house deposit. We don’t want any gifts to thank us. The fact that she’s happy is more than enough.

Your turn will come, when they are older and possibly infirm, or one of them is left alone.

We recently thanked my parents for helping out with something financially with a lovely meal out, at a very nice restaurant. Incorporating a toast to them with a very sincere thank you - how we couldn’t have done it without them and how much we appreciate them etc. They love eating out and appreciated the gesture. It was like a little pre-celebration in itself!🙂

I bet what is most precious to them is the time you spend with them and sharing your life with them.
Happy, well adjusted children spread their wings and develop lives of their own, but enabling their parents to be part of it through conversations, photos, updates etc is beyond monetary value (from my perspective anyway!)

Be there for them. Visit regularly. Offer to help out with stuff. Be proactive in just being around to offer a hand with things (decorating? gardening? moral support? help with their elderly parents if their still around?) in a willing and light hearted way.

They're thinking of your needs and being proactive in supporting you. In their case it's financial help. You can think of their needs and be proactive in supporting them in practical or emotional different ways.

It is so refreshing to hear of a family who love and respect each other. I think it's often the little things that mean a lot, Depending on your plans for your wedding could you invite your parents to your final dress fitting so they are the first people to see you in your wedding dress? Perhaps incorporate some music or a reading that has meaning for your family into the ceremony? Favourite flowers in your bouquet?
It would mean a lot to me to see photographs or mementos of happy family times displayed in my DC's homes.

I think this is it. Make sure they always know they're important.

I helped my DC massively with buying a flat, him saying thank you and seeming happy in the flat was more than enough for me.

My mum says her granddaughters are the best thing that's ever happened to her, so a grandchild?! (Joking obviously 🤣) realistically, like others have said op, your time and presence is probably all they will hope and care for. To be included in your life plans, and always made to feel welcome and part of your family is probably the greatest gift for them. When you buy your house, will you be living near them? A regular meal at yours will probably be most welcome. We have my mum over once a week for dinner, and she loves it so much, she's widowed, and although happy in her own company most of the time, I think she truly enjoys being made welcome at ours for our weekly dinner together, spending time as an extending family, with the grandchildren. She knows our door is always open to her, and I think that means more to her than anything. We try to include her in lots of our plans, holidays, days out, time with her grandchildren etc, and she definitely seems to get alot of joy out of being a big part of our family life. She has also put herself out alot for us, and has helped us financially, with childcare, and emotionally supported us, but I know she would never accept any financial repayment, so we repay her in kind gestures, and making sure to include her as much as we can. Thoughtful gifts and cards at special occasions, reminding her how much she means to us, and how the life we have now, is only possible because of her.

I'd arrange a special photo of you all from the wedding framed as a thank you present and just make sure they are included in your lives. They obviously want to pay for these things and as long as you are appreciative and not demanding, then everyone wins.

Playing devil's advocate here, but if you care so much for your parents, why would accept their money?

You could just say . .

"thanks for the offer Mum, but we're going to have the wedding and house that we can afford".

Genuine observation, not being deliberately provocative.

Speaking as a parent who has just given their dc a fairly large sum of money, it is done out of absolute love, and that's it. Yes, we could have bought a bigger house, gone on a world cruise or bought an Aston Martin or two, but we don't want that. We want her to have it, to set her up in her first home. It is given unreservedly, and we really don't want her to feel any kind of duty or obligation towards us.

I do love hugs though, and being taken out for coffee now and again.

My son and daughter in law made a lovely photo book of their wedding for me and my husband. It was a lovely thank you present and something we can always look at to remember their day. Very thoughtful.

Grandchildren.