Tell me small things that help you mental health please x

[pastypirate]

I want to put together some resources for a friend. I am neither diagnosing nor deluding myself I can fix anything. Just trying to do an act of kindness.

My friend (without over sharing) is ina bit of a self loathing cycle. I'm looking for small tasks that encourage a tiny bit of self care. I know it's really hard I've been there.

I keep thinking about things like fly lady when she says if you can't do anything else just shine your sink.

Thinking about making a small care package with a bullet journal and some berocca.

Tia xx

Mine are quite simple - nutritious food but some small treats like nice, homemade cake or chocolate, as much sleep as I can get, looking after my appearance with things like nice makeup or getting my nails done or hair cut frequently, exercise like a fun class or a run, walks in the wood, listening to my favourite podcasts, coffee dates with friends, long baths with nice bubble bath. Oh and keeping my house clutter free and clean with regular, little cleaning and decluttering.

Get outside and do something in the open air.
Count your blessings.
Do something to keep busy.

Happy books
amusing radio
crochet - makes me concentrate so I can't think

Happy music

Crochet

Not drinking any alcohol, ever.

Opening windows.

Going for walks.

So are you thinking of things to send or things you can recommend she does? I have a friend who every so often out of the blue sends me a book because she's read it and thought I would like it. I always find that a really nice gesture. And a friend's mum (who I've never met!) sends me fudge every time she makes some because we formed a bubble with her daughter during COVID (her mum is far away). I think the gesture of thinking of her and reaching out is more important than the actual thing that is sent.

Agree about walks. Regular sleep patterns as well, no late nights for me.

Cross stitch and crochet. I'm a 24/7 carer for my brain damaged dh. He has very limited understanding of anything, can't read or write or use keyboards. He's partially sighted and partially deaf. And his toilet continence is unreliable. He can't be left for more than about 10 minutes without becoming very distressed.

I find repetitive things like cross stich and crochet to be almost meditative and very helpful.

I also meditate after my ds is asleep.

Even so, I'm stressed beyond belief but respite care in my area is very limited indeed. I pay for private respite care (she comes to our home) once or twice a month just for the day and that makes a hell of a difference. Without her, I'd go under.

Please don't give her a journal or a list of things to do like Fly Lady.

Maybe a face mask, some bubble bath and a bright nail varnish?

I think go by what your friend loves. If someone send me a beautiful ball of wool, or a packet of seeds to grow I'd be over the moon. If they sent me a face mask and nail varnish, I'd wonder if they knew me at all!
If you have the time to commit to regularly doing a thing together (a walk around the block, a coffee on a zoom call, a swim) that's definitely worth an offer. When I feel bad, I need something to anchor me in a routine, in the real world.

If it’s self loathing rather than depression (although I know self loathing is depressing) could you send her a card and list the things you like about her. Little things, unusual things, important things. I’d fill up all the blank space and include doodles so it is fun but sincere.

You don't say what type of mental health issues she suffers from, but coming from someone who has suffered badly for years with their mental health, honestly the only thing that works is antidepressants, mood stabilisers and therapy.

If she's just a bit down then the previous suggestions may work, but these won't even touch the sides with true depression and anxiety. Nothing makes a difference, in fact things you usually enjoy (favourite songs, TV programmes etc) become really annoying, especially comedy programmes!

I wish it was as easy as exercise, nature and favourite hobbies etc. Maybe then the NHS mental health services wouldn't be in such dire straits.

It's lovely that you want to help though. I'm sure she'll appreciate any effort on your part.

Yeah no boooze

Fresh bedding. Clean pj's.. Bath and an early night.
Grow something! Tending to plants and seeing things grow and bloom is amazing. I bought a few chimney pots and got planting even in the cold! Just started the actual garden recently..
Get a dpet.. Or go ott and have 6...

Nature.
So walks in forest, at the beach, moors. Or whatever. But getting outside is a must

Yeah agree with this. I suffer horrendous mental illness that just seems to be getting worse and it’s literally day by day for me.

Someone telling me to take a bath or paint my nails just wouldn’t help me in any way at all.

I think kindness is at the forefront. Knowing someone is there for you- even a text / call etc

Hope your friend is okay

Taking photographs. It gets me outside and out of my head space. A shift in focus.

Walk in the fresh air.
A pen and a journal , to be kept just for herself.
Bachs Rescue Remedy. I don't know if the Remedy is therapeutic, but taking it definitely is.

In a nutshell you are a lodger /nanny.
Get thyself out of there op.

A lovely card with flowers, even a very simple posy of tulips is so nice to receive. Write something from the heart along the ‘you’ve got this’ lines but less cheesy. If they have an interest that maybe they’ve lost touch with, like if they were great at drawing when you were kids or similar, or if she’s told you something she loved doing years ago, get something to do with that as a pathway to enjoying it again. I always love something like those clothbound penguin classics, or a pilot fountain pen and decent paper. Nice bath stuff always goes down well as like most people I just buy what’s on offer day to day.

It of course depends on the severity of the situation, and your closeness - I have given someone a BetterHelp session before but I was in the place to do that.

I spend a huge amount of time in my garden growing veg and doing crafts Being outdoors is the best thing . Agree absolutely avoid alcohol and get plenty of sleep .

I don't think anybody is suggesting for an instant that a bubble bath or nail varnish will 'fix' anything, but it's a way for the OP to show she cares without the obligations implied in a list or a journal imo.

Giving up caffeine.

Seriously. Never thought I’d do it. Now totally decaf (unless I deliberately WANT to stay awake really late) and it’s made such a difference to my sleep and therefore my mental health. Plus I enjoy loads more coffee now, without the side effects.

Hadn’t realised how much it was dictating my anxious spells until I stopped.

Nutritious food, not too much sugar or caffeine, walks in nature, exercise in general, getting lost in a good book, sleeping enough (early nights help).