Why do I feel the need to over explain, always? Does anyone else do this

[strawberryjeans]

If someone invites me somewhere and I don’t want to go, I have to go on a tangent about the reason why not. I never feel comfortable just saying ‘I can’t, sorry’ to things without a longer explanation accompanying it. Is anyone else like this?

I do this. It’s people pleasing I think, you’re worried they won’t be happy with you. Low self esteem maybe? I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure out why I’m like this too!

People pleasing/trauma response. I do it too. Working on it.

I do this too, but I do it for everything so don't think it's people pleasing in my case. I think I'm a natural extrovert and I need to discuss things and explain them to make sense of them in my own head sometimes. I do reel it in obviously, unless I'm around people like me!

Yes. No is a full sentence but it’s certainly not one I use haha. I don’t ever want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I then waffle and end up sounding like I’m lying and it becomes awkward. I feel I have to have an excuse that they feel is sufficient. It’s frustrating!!

Didn’t know that.

I agree. I often think it’s due to not be allowed to be an individual with their own sense of self as a child. Most people seem to think people pleasing is better/more worthy than being narcissistic or a constant victim (I guess because it mimics empathy) but they’re all just different sides of the trauma/drama triangle.

I am obviously generalising but over explaining does seem to come from a self worth issue and trying to make the other person approve with what is being said and the reasons why.

I'm also an over sharer, which I believe falls under the same umbrella.

I personally find it quite sad for myself and didn't realise how I use this tool to try and justify myself. I used to be a very confident person who could own what they said and felt but that's not the case anymore.

Totally get it OP! You are definitely not alone.

@CoronationQuiche could not agree more! I over explain all the time, about everything & it bugs the shit out of me. Even as I’m doing it, inside I’m saying to myself “shut up! Stop talking!!”. I wasn’t allowed to be “me” growing up. I was there to look after other siblings, keep them safe, be helpful to parents, “be good”. As a result I struggle with this. Like others have said… I’m working on it