Autism

[Angelbunny]

I have a 12 year old daughter who for the last couple of years has experienced anxiety. It has become severe over the last few months. She has been accepted by camhs and had her first session with them a few days ago, where it was suggested that she has asd.

I have always thought I was on the spectrum and have wondered about her too but not looked too much into it as actually I cope fine and she has up until recently really. I have been researching and thinking back to her behaviour all throughout her childhood and its glaringly obvious she will be diagnosed as on the spectrum. I can't believe it has not ever been suggested by schoo actually. Also thinking back to my childhood I was very obviously on the spectrum. Thing is though I have never needed support and at this point in my life I feel like I don't even really have many traits at all, they have mostly gone as i have got older. I was so shy as a child and young adult I barely spoke but I did form friendships and kept them. I can now see I did a lot of stimming - and this is probably the only thing that still applies now. I can now talk to anyone and perform well at work, socialise and just feel so much more confident. I do feel like I have trained myself to be like this - I guess the same as fake it until you make? Its taken a long long time but I am so happy and content with my life now.

Is it really wrong of me to think that it's not really necessary to get a diagnosis for someone so high functioning? I am obviously going to do whatever my daughter wants and not deny her a diagnosis but at the same time I feel like she is getting help now and they are going to help her with coping mechanisms.

I am also a lot more open now about anxieties I have and so many people who don't have autism still have the same anxieties so I just question whether a diagnosis is that beneficial? As in, maybe some people would get the diagnosis and then their whole life/personality now revolves around that, whereas, with no diagnosis they could still try to understand themselves and work on ways to help them through life and still be happy, not having the stigma that potentially comes with asd. Also very controversial, but I'm not sure how much I even believe in high functioning asd. All it is is a difference in how people cope isn't it? Everyone is different.

Please know that I am not ashamed at all about asd but I do worry about my child having this over them their whole life and it overtake the lovely girl she is.

Hi, I have a 10 year old daughter with autism and I recommend getting a diagnosis if you can. They are harder to get with girls sometimes and they can slip through the net. Try not to think of it as a label but simply as a diagnosis. Before my daughter was diagnosed, she was described as quirky and struggled with lots of things but not given any support. Her needs were kind of brushed under the carpet. Now, she still struggles with things but there's that recognition there that it's because she autism. It explains a lot of things. And it opens doors to more support for her. School have to put things in place and there's training you can on that will give you just that extra bit of guidance and support.

DD is nearly 16 and when she started seeing a therapist about her anxiety a year ago, we were told that ASD is quite likely for DD. But, being assessed wasn't something we wanted immediately and DD took until Christmas to mull over it.

She then asked for it and explained that she doesn't see it as a label but as a diagnosis she then can use to ask for help if necessary and for accepting herself instead of being seen as weird or strange.

For her it is especially important in school. While her school is good with adjusting things for her, GCSE exams for example can't be changed unless there is an official diagnosis. She can't ask for extra time or bigger adjustments. So she is looking towards having it for A-level and then university.

my DS got a dx at 12 (Asperger’s). He doesn’t recognise it now and didn’t declare it at University either. He says a bit like you OP that he knows he was weird as a child but deliberately taught himself to be mainstream. He’s grown up now and lovely.
I agree with you, it’s not always needed to medicalise everyone.

OP, I think it depends entirely on how your DD feels about herself now.

You say you are happy now, that you have reached a point where you function well and you are happy. Were you unhappy before? As a child, as a teen, as a young woman? And was that because you were different, 'broken', didn't fit in? If the answers is yes, would it have helped to know then that there is an actual neurological difference that explained it and that no, there was nothing wrong with you, that you were not broken?

If onthe other hand, you were not unhappy, that is great. But crucially, is your daughter? She is not you. It may be worth going through the 'symptoms' with her, talk to her about what it means to be autistic. Does she feel 'other'? Does that hurt/make life difficult fo her? Would she like to know for sure why that is?

Self awareness is a great thing in any case, and it can no doubt help to make you 'higher functioning' if that's what she wants.

From the school/uni point of view, a diagnosis could be very useful. Some girls sail through primary, fall apart in secondary; some are OK in secondary and university unravels them. Being 'armed' with a diagnosis can only help in those circumstances.