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Am i having a midlife crisis?

9 replies

Whattodonut · 05/05/2023 10:27

No desire yet to get a motorbike, or run off with a younger man. Just a sense of boredom and feeling trapped.
I have a lovely life- a decent if at time frustrating job, a lovely DH with another decent job; two really pretty wonderful children (albeit the youngest still won't let me get a full nights sleep) who love their school/nursery and their friends, and we live in a nice, small house. My parents are not too far away, but quite elderly. My sister and nephew and niece within 2 hours. We have nice holidays- UK mostly, occasional short haul . We are not counting pennies, but also not saving lots. Life is decent
But at 44 I thought I would be living overseas. I thought I would be excited by life still.
I have a constant feeling now of needing to escape and feeling trapped. Like I am missing out on the experience I wanted to have, and running out of time to do it well. We used to travel and have adventures before kids. I'm not expecting life to be like that, but there is still a sense of something not achieved.
DH wants to buy a more comfortable, bigger house. We could do with the space it's true.
I want to rent ours out, find a job overseas and take the kids out of school and experience something different. Or travel in a campervan for a year. People do it. People manage with much less and have healthy happy kids.
And when I put my sensible hat on I realise we can't. The kids, their school, my parents, being financially secure, Brexit, the messy, messy state of the world.... it's just not a sensible thing to do. Plus my job, which is fairly high up in the career ladder, has become rather specialist. I'm not a teacher or a doctor to find a job overseas easily. It's a risk.
How do I resolve my feelings of longing with being satisfied with what I have?

OP posts:
Whattodonut · 17/05/2023 17:08

Just bumping

OP posts:
RandyMiceDavies · 17/05/2023 17:15

How old are your kids? Are they of an age when you could do this (ie not coming up to big exams)?

Let your house for 3-6 months and go travelling? I know people who have done it with primary age kids. You need a proper plan for keeping schoolwork ticking over but it's manageable.Would their school have a place for them when you return? Do you have any savings?

Actually moving abroad is a bigger thing because you're moving away from family. But to go travelling is doable, largely unaffected by Brexit etc. Talk to work about a sabbatical?

Lots to think about but it's simply a case of making a list of everything you'd need to tick off and getting on with it.

Alternatively it may be easier when your children are 18+ but then you may not want to leave parents.

LaMaG · 17/05/2023 17:16

No words of wisdom OP but I get every word you say. It probably is an element of mid life crisis. Its also the realisation that by the time you have that sought after freedom you'll be older and maybe that sense of adventure will be gone. I've a similar lifestyle/ income to you and feel "meh" about almost everything, but then really guilty as I'm very lucky (as are you) in the overall scheme of things. Maybe a project? I did a college course last year and it was tough going but gave me a sense of purpose for a while. I'd love to do volunteering but no time at the moment.

Outofthepark · 17/05/2023 18:34

Start signing up for adventurous stuff like a marathon, hiking challenges, etc. You'll always have it as a goal in life, it'll fit round all your other commitments, and give you something to push for and feel proud of.

You don't need a midlife crisis to want adventure! It's healthy to just want to experience a bit of risk sometimes.

Whattodonut · 17/05/2023 19:09

Kids are 3 and 8 so a fair few years before we have time to ourselves. But I am investigating a 3-4month work break now for next year.

I think the idea of a project- mental or physical- is sensible. At the moment it doesn't instill excitement but I'm sure when I find the right one...
I'd love to do a massive hike- but also I'd like to do something all together. I guess both are possible!

What would you do if you needed a challenge/adventure?

OP posts:
Firey40 · 05/10/2024 08:21

@Whattodonut hey - I read your interesting post and just wanted to check in and see if you decided to pursue these thoughts and dreams, or continued as you were?

Hope things are going well for you

Whattodonut · 08/10/2024 13:27

@Firey40 Thanks!
I did make a plan for a big adventure for just me- no kids. Then need an operation which put me out of action so was all cancelled.

Your reminder has spurred me to start planning again. Can't be set back when I'd got so far!

OP posts:
LondonFox · 08/10/2024 13:45

Go somewhere with kids during summer break.
Six weeks with them wondering around foreign countries will give you much better idea on how would your life work.
Unless you plan to leave them behind lol.

Bcs big adventire on your own will in no way tell you how life lile that would work with the whole family.

Frim someone uprooting the whole family and moving abroad :)

Whattodonut · 28/03/2025 11:53

LondonFox · 08/10/2024 13:45

Go somewhere with kids during summer break.
Six weeks with them wondering around foreign countries will give you much better idea on how would your life work.
Unless you plan to leave them behind lol.

Bcs big adventire on your own will in no way tell you how life lile that would work with the whole family.

Frim someone uprooting the whole family and moving abroad :)

I just wanted to say this is what we have decided to do! Not this year but next. 6 weeks abroad with the kids doing something that takes us out of our humdrum lives.
And I'm going to look into retraining.

OP posts:
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