If you had very poor MH as a teenager/young adult

[QuickGuide]

What helped?

DH died 2 years ago after a long and traumatic illness, all going on with the additional backdrop of Covid and lockdowns.

DS2 was just 18 when he died. At the time DS had been doing an apprenticeship but wfh because of the lockdowns, which was never going to be ideal, but he was also watching his dad die. That went badly, he hid how badly for too long and dropped out after 3 years.

Then he secured a place at Uni. He's been telling me he's OK, but he's not. He hasn't made friends, barely leaves his room and (I suspect) is failing the course/not attending classes. Currently he's not taking calls or returning messages, although the Uni have told me he's safe, they can't tell me more than that.

He's been offered counselling from various sources but insists he's fine and doesn't need it.

I don't know how to help him 😥

He was prescribed medication before he went away and he told me he'd been getting the prescription refilled, but he hasn't, so he's stopped taking the medication too.

That sounds worrying op. How far away is he? Can you go and see him if he's not taking your calls?

It's about 3 hours. Yes, I could, but I don't know if they'd let me in the building without his agreement? He's clearly avoiding facing whatever is wrong.

Sadly, the old saying about a horse and water applies here. Your son has to be willing to use the help available to him. All you can do is be there, ready to help when it is time.

I did but I suspect grief related MH is distinct from general MH issues. Posting on the bereavement board might help- lots of posters there who have children and have lost spouses. Sorry you’re going through this. Can you arrange to take him away for the weekend? He might open up if he has a change of scenery and is just 1-on-1 with you. Good luck xx

I think I'd try to go up anyway. Student external doors are always open and people in and out.

He needs to take the medication.