2 year old (nearly 3) behaviour changes - anyone experienced this?

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My little boy (nearly 3) attends nursery and recently his main carer left, followed by another two staff, and they have got temp staff in. DS has found it hard in the mornings as he doesn't know the staff or isn't as familiar and has been reluctant to attend (shy, upset or avoiding going in) and needing more reassurance than normal. He is usually very confident so it is sad to see this change and I have been in to speak to the nursery.

Like all toddlers DS can sometimes feel overwhelmed and not know how to process his emotions. It seems particularly noticeable if he has been absent from one of his parents. Example: when DH has been out all day and comes through the door DS might go from happily playing to saying "go away" to his Daddy. Or, when I come to pick DS up from nursery he will be happily playing but then when he sees me he will suddenly throw a toy or hit another child, or snatch something. In both these situations, after a few minutes he is absolutely fine and back to normal, cuddling me, laughing and playing with his Daddy etc, so I think it just the transition / surprise at suddenly seeing one of us when we have been absent if that makes sense. He doesn't know how to process his emotion at having missed us so he feels overwhelmed and does something destructive. Does this sound normal?

The other day DS was very teary at nursery drop-off. It was horrible for me and I tried to stay as long as possible to help settle him but in the end I had to walk away as I had to start work. I really try never to leave him in tears but I had to that day. The last thing I saw was him crying 'Mummy' and looking at me as I walked away. I felt pretty wretched. I know most Mum's have been there but still it's so horrible.

Anyway that evening and since then I have noticed that my DS has been doing "naughty" things more often (not a word I use IRL just shorthand). like eg throwing toys, or last night repeatedly tipping water out of the bath which he knows not to do. He is not normally "naughty" - he can be boisterous but doesn't normally intentionally damage things iyswim. I was wondering if this is a response to him being upset about me walking away the other morning, and feeling unsettled at nursery with the less familiar agency staff. Could he be feeling a little bit abandoned?

Do you think this could be the case? Has anyone else witness this kind of behavioural response in their toddler? What steps can I take?

This age is perfect for pushing boundaries and not knowing how to express themselves.
There’s very little impulse control too.
It’s tricky but remain consistent in what you say to him.

I think it's absolutely normal for toddlers and preschool aged children to struggle with transitions and act up. I also think it's normal for them to test where the boundaries lie at this age, which means trying out doing a thing they know is naughty to see how you react.

You have to practice your 'am I bovvered' face and posture. Tons of patience, consistency, firm boundaries etc.

It'll be ok, it's just shit when you're in a phase like this!

Perhaps try not to prolong a nursery goodbye- short and sweet, reassure him that you'll be back to pick him up soon

U staying to settle wouldn’t help u gave just taught him crying gets him wot he wants. Just a quick cuddle and I’ll c u later and leave.
Being at nursery preschool means they will see lots of unwanted behaviour and often copy it.
Pushing the boundaries, just make sure u have strong boundaries.

Transitions are hard. They get very focused on their activities, and an abrupt end to them is difficult. This can also cause difficulties when potty training and in the first year or so after training - 'busy little kid syndrome' results in many a wet pair of underoos.

I'm surprised the nursery doesn't have a transitional period in place for pickup time, and he's playing when you arrive. If you get there at pretty much the same time every day, could they have him do a transitional activity like putting toys away about 5-10 minutes before your arrival?

When dad is expected home, can you give him a heads up about 15 minutes ahead of his ETA so he can be more prepared? Maybe you could start introducing a tidy up element to his routine ahead of the evening activities. Having a warning that a change is about to happen can help a child cope better.

Did he have a chance to say goodbye to his previous carer when she was leaving? Or was she just not there one day? It might be an idea for you and your child to make some sort of card for the previous carer to say goodbye/ I miss you. It would be a good idea to talk about the old carer and what he enjoyed doing with her at nursery, and also to try to winkle out any feelings he has about the new staff.

I'd be curious to know how the nursery handled the departure of the staff who have left. Children develop real, sincere relationships with nursery staff (and early years teachers), and when they leave, it has to be handled sensitively.

I'm general though, three year olds can make you feel that you're a participant in a roller-coaster ride. It's a year of huge growth in intellect, speech, personality, and social skills. Buckle up!!!

With drop-offs you need to be in and out as quickly as possible, staying with just prolong his crying and make it a more difficult wrench when you do eventually do have to leave. I agree with PPs that you need to give a quick cuddle, remind him you'll see him later and then go - leave the staff to settle him, they will call you if you doesn't.

In terms of behaviour, it's all very developmentally normal for this age to start challenging boundaries and pushing to see how far they go before you push back. There is also a strong urge to be explorative and curious which, coupled with low impulse control and an undeveloped sense of risk, can lead to some interesting behaviour! My advice is to pick your battles, try channel his urges into appropriate activities (e.g., giving him a container in the bath and a cup so he can tip water into that rather than on the floor) and be firm but fair with boundaries.