Not looking forward to tomorrow

[Oaksgetbatteted]

Three weeks ago we thought my DM was having a TIA, it was a lesion on her brain. Several scans later they haven’t found the primary tumour and so they are thinking it’s a melanoma. DM thinks that they will be able to burn it off if it is. Tomorrow we have the first consultation since the scans, she is ready to do anything to fight it, she feels she has so much she wants to do but she is 86 and has a heart problem.
How do I support her? I don’t want her to be scared.

It's so sad that these messages where people need support and reassurance are often never replied to. I think the best thing is to maintain a positive attitude. I was diagnosed yesterday with melonoma stage 1b and I'm shitting it. But trying desperately to be hopeful. Ex wife broke down in tears but is really supporting me and has contacted everybody she knows who has experienced cancer and her relatives who work in oncology. Gf is equally supportive and straight away went with my pathology report to the oncology doctor at her work to find out all she could. I have the wide excision, blood tests, full body scan etc in 2 days time so hopefully with everything moving so swiftly I might be ok.

Big hugs. Good luck

My Mum was diagnosed with cancer of unknown primary at 80. Whilst they never found the primary site, the secondary (Head & neck Cancer) was successfully treated by surgery x2 and a course of Radiotherapy.
I fully understand you are worried , we held our breaths every time one symptom or another meant anther round of scans and tests in case it was the primary cancer site making itself known.
What you can do is be there for her, she may not want to be sad or worried in front of you - her being the parent who is used to being strong for you, but knowing you are there going with her to appts as you are able and taking the stresses out of day to day life for her.

Thank you for your replies. The consultation was very different from what was expected. It is not a secondary tumour, it might not be cancerous but if it is it is very low grade, they don’t know how long it has been there for but are just going to treat the symptoms with steroids etc as they have worked so well. DM is thrilled and has promised the doctor she will no longer clean the farm mud from the lane outside her house and throw it on the hedge as this, probably, made her symptoms more obvious as she was tired.
bfc1980, I am sending you as much positivity as possible.

Oh that is really reassuring! Is there a treatment plan?

Because they are not really sure what it is and because of her age they, basically, think it’s not something that will kill her so she just carries on on a low dose of steroids to stop swelling, this can be increased if necessary, so no biopsy and no follow up scans, they are just going to go on symptoms. At the moment she is better than she has been in months so she is more than happy with the plan. She was told that the result is the most positive one possible given that there is something there.
My wonderful DSIL died last year 4 weeks after being diagnosed with a brain tumour so we are so very aware of how lucky we are.