Help! 9 year old son dodging Microsoft Family screen time limits

[Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

Can anyone help?

9 year old son got his first laptop for Christmas. I set up Microsoft Family and applied limits on screen time, what sites he could access, etc. But he can override this by either:
(a) adding a new local user account to the laptop, within which he doesn't log into his Microsoft online account, or
(b) using his usual account and logging out of his Microsoft account.

I now see hundreds of complaints about this on the Microsoft forums. Does anyone know how to fix this issue? Any trustworthy 3rd party apps I can use if Microsoft is really this shit? I'm actually really fucking annoyed with them as I don't have time to research this for hours! 😡

What I find works well is setting a timer and saying ‘if you try to get round the parental controls I will remove the laptop altogether.‘

I think all these tech things are great but they can’t replace actual parenting.

Er...and are you not annoyed with your son for not following your rules?? What is he trying to watch/play if he's trying to log in through different account?

Can't you just use c) tell him to switch it off and remove it?

Does anyone know how to fix this issue?

Take the laptop off him. He needs to earn it back, in the same way he would earn back PlayStation, TV or going out with friends.

Any trustworthy 3rd party apps I can use if Microsoft is really this shit? I'm actually really fucking annoyed with them

It's not their fault he's gone around your rules. If he can't stay within the parental controls, he doesn't get to go on the laptop.

Okay, not the answers I was hoping for.....

I want to make my life a little easier by not having to set timers etc whenever he has screen time, and also be able to restrict the apps he can use, etc. What is the point of parental controls if a child can easily override them? They are more like parental gentle advice.....

Why does he want to bypass the filter? As in, are the restrictions you’ve put in place too restrictive for what he wants to use the laptop for? And is he aware of why the filters are there? Could you work with him to agree what his limits should be. If he’s helped create them and you’ve listened to him, then it’s less likely he’ll break than than if they’re just imposed on him.

This is just the start of him having free access to the internet, and while at nine, you have a fair amount of control over what he does and doesn’t do with his laptop, very soon you won’t do. He’ll have the same internet restrictions as his least protected friend so him knowing why the restrictions are there, and being able to come to you with any concerns is essential.

I have one that will always have a work around so I have a few ways of managing screen time/access: Microsoft Family, Apple ScreentTime, an app called NetNanny (which is good but you have to have it open to work) and I also know how to control which devices can access the internet via the router. The last is really worth knowing how to do. It's hard.

I have seen a similar thread before, that poster didn't understand it was up to them to intervene either. Nobody needs tech to stop a 9 year old using a laptop. Just parent them.

I mean isn’t that like saying ‘oh what’s the point of fences around the play park because my child can open the gate and run out?’ The idea is that they help but you are still expected to do the basic parenting of your child.

There’s really no substitute for talking with dc about these things.

I know it’s a boring answer, but it’s honestly the best way to approach it. They can run rings around us with tech.

My ds is 14 now and I’m really glad that we’ve established a solid basis of listening to each other about screen issues because the issues have got much more complex.

Thank you! Please can you explain to me how I control which devices can access the internet via the router?

He has access to admin user because you haven’t locked it. Also, if you aren’t happy with a 9yr old overriding systems, just take the bloody thing from him.

I agree it's all about active parenting. Having conversations about what he's doing online and encouraging time away from it to do other things. You can't expect an app to teach your child about responsible use of technology. If he can override it now, at 9, just imagine what he'll be doing in a few years time.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr you need to look up your router on the web and find out whether it is one you can access and control.

For those saying parent better... this child has ASD with a PDA profile and they need very different handling to my neurotypical children.

Thank you, I will look into this. Also looking at the Qustodio app free trial.

For those assuming I don't do any active parenting or discuss safe internet use with my son, you have assumed wrongly.

@Grimbelina where did you get that from? The op didn't say that. I agree with others. Mine is now 13 and far too screen based. I use tech and parenting to control it but it would be much much easier now if I'd been firmer earlier. OP, when he gets to phone use, I recommend the Google family app. It's v v easy to control app access, time limits etc.

BibbleandSqwauk I was referring to my child and just making the point that for some children discussion about screen limits, taking devices away etc. can be more complicated and counterproductive.

I mean if op’s child has a disability that means they aren’t able to enforce rules or boundaries in the traditional way that would surely have been appropriate to mention.

And even if your child does have PDA or whatever else there is no completely fail safe computer programme that will supervise and monitor your child’s computer use plus ensure they cannot exceed screen time limits. This needs to be done by the parent.

We’ve just done some safeguarding training on IT this evening in school. I’ve not got the presentation slides as yet, but one app that the trainer spoke highly about was Qustodio. She said the free version was ok, but personally she’d advise getting the paid version as it does much more than the basics.

@Grimbelina

For those saying parent better... this child has ASD with a PDA profile and they need very different handling to my neurotypical children.

I can't see any mention of this

It's the same with Apple - you can set screen time limits but then they can override with a one more min button. I found out by seeing the activity time going up after the cut off. I dealt with it by saying the phone comes downstairs at night if that happens again. It hasn't.

nirbil I was actually talking about my child, which wasn't clear I realise.

There are always ways around parental controls. The only fool proof method is to remove the device and lock away. Screen/gaming addiction is a real problem for tween/teen boys. It is much easier to nip it in the bud and set really firm boundaries for use early on.

adding a new local user account to the laptop, within which he doesn't log into his Microsoft online account,

Been a while since I had a pc but you should be able to stop him from adding new users: only administrator accounts should be able to do this, when you set up users on a pc you have the option of making them administrator accounts or not

Set up your own account on his pc which is password protected so only you can access it. This will be the administrator account.

Change his user account to a non-administrator account (can't remember what it's called). This will limit what he can and can't do on the pc.

I hope this advice isn't out of date! 😄if you mean he's adding new users on Microsoft family then I would check to see if you can do something similar.