Should I speak to my boss about very negative colleague?

[Canyoucheckonme]

I'm so fed up with one of my colleagues being constantly negative about almost everything work related. It's been going on for about a year now - she's clearly not happy in her job.

We're a small team and I'm only in the office with her one or two days, but I dread them as find her mood/attitude ends up dragging me down. She doesn't even try and make an effort to hide her feelings to be more professional, or seem to have an awareness that her bad moods bring the rest of us down.

I've tried to be empathic and understanding, but it's not helped a bit and I've run out of patience. Not sure what my manager can really do about it though?

I think if it was my workplace I’d be concerned that the constant negativity was concealing some other issues, therefore I’d speak to our manager and know that they would bring them in for a chat. It isn’t fair to let one persons attitude upset staff so something would need to change, but as a manager I’d do it tactfully in case the individual had other issues that were causing the negativity.

Thank you @DurdleLau I think I'll speak to our manager 1:1 tomorrow. I've brought it up in supervisions before and there's always a reason like she's tired/needs a holiday. But it's gone on for so long now.

I don't find her particularly approachable so wouldn't feel comfortable talking directly to my colleague.

It's tricky. And I'm not sure there's much you can do if it's a personality issue rather than misconduct/harassment/insubordination etc. I work in a bigger office than OP but small enough. There's a woman who has been there ages who is like this - she's an emotional drain but good at her job and capable of turning on the charm for clients. I think she's actually a fairly unhappy person who's quite socially awkward and when I think that it's easier to deal with her. And I do spend a bit of time saying things like : what, you don't like the free breakfast! Well, more for me then ....

Yes, definitely a personality issue rather than conduct. She is amazing at what she does, but yes, a real emotional drain in the office.

You sound like me @TigerDroveAgain -when I returned from leave recently she said sarcastically "are you pleased to be back here?!" and I replied chirpily "yes I am thanks! I love my job" (I genuinely do).

She often moans about the charity we work for and constantly clock watches/says loudly "I'd rather be anywhere than here". Lives for the weekends and holidays and apparently hates coming to work!

I can only sympathise with you OP and I must say this sounds scarily similar to someone I worked with up until recently and the place of work was also a charity!

When someone gets to that level of negativity within the workplace it is most certainly time for them to move on. There will also undoubtedly be underlying reasons behind why they may be feeling like that but it's not fair to bring the rest of the team down.

I would strongly suggest bringing it up in your next 1:1 with your line manager.

Thank you for your understanding. It's hard because I'm a naturally positive person, and she's really not. I don't feel it's fair that my energy levels gets brought down to meet hers every time, rather than the other way around.

I don't think she'll be going anywhere soon as she's older and our contract is due for renewal next year, so there is the possibility of redundancy or reorganisation.

Out of interest, those who have replied about a manager bringing it up with her, what would a manager say/do ideally in this situation?

I ask because I am a manager in a tiny company and I have been putting off having this discussion with an employee because I don't want to get it wrong!

@JonesDrones in the negative persons 1:1 bring up her wellbeing, take an interest in what she does outside of work, how she feels about work etc maybe a subtle comment around teamwork and positive attitudes etc see if she packs it in.. if no improvement maybe next 1:1 reiterate and be more direct.. ? if she has any emotional intelligence, perhaps she'll get the message.

@Canyoucheckonme sorry to hear this, I’d also bring it up with your manager. I would be honest and say what you have here, this person is making your life at work harder, so I’d focus on that. How it makes you feel, then it’s up to the manager to manage this.

@JonesDrones this is especially difficult in a small team. If it were me, I’d be honest and say something like -
“Doris this is a difficult thing for me to talk to you about, I have noticed that you are feeling very negative about work at the moment and I have heard you make some comments about hating the job. Is everything ok with you and do you want to talk to me about what has brought this all about? “ then id take it from there.
if the person says there’s nothing wrong then id go on to say OK well it’s important you understand how your approach is affecting others…. Then give examples, I wouldn’t say ‘ everyone else thinks’ or make them feel they are being talked about I’d talk about what I have observed. I’d then say something like what do you think about this? Give them a chance to say and reflect then say, we can work together to resolve this. I’d like your agreement….

I’d tread carefully. At work, we all have to put up with other people, some of whom we find annoying.

Your boss has limited control over her employees’ personalities. She certainly won’t be able to dismiss someone for being grumpy. It’s very difficult to fire some one in the UK. It took me a year to manage someone out of the business who was blatantly bullying other members of the team. Three managers before me had found it too difficult, and chose to look the other way. If he had merely been cynical and negative, I would still be dealing with him.

You don’t want to seem like a petty whiner. Part of office life is rubbing along with other people.

Oh gosh, there's no way I'm trying to get her into trouble or get her fired! We work for a small children's charity. A lot of what we do to support families is around emotion coaching, and the interdependent nature of feelings. So as another poster said, you'd hope she'd have better emotional intelligence.

We've all known each other and worked together for years. I honestly just wish if she was that miserable at work now she'd have the guts to find something else.

I know my boss will have limited control, but she absolutely won't make me feel like a petty whiner either. She'll validate my feelings and empathise.

I have a very similar colleague! We do the same role (wfh) in a wider team and she’s very moody, confrontational and overreacts to absolutely everything. She’s also very competitive which can make my life tricky at times.

however, she’s also very clever, kind and funny (when in the right mood) and we kind of rub along ok most of the time and I try to ignore it when she gets het up over things.

I did raise it with our line manager as I was worried about my own reputation (eg she would complain that we were under too much pressure in our role then complained when they lent us someone from another team!) I have had days where I can’t face another day working with her but there are too many other positive things about my work life to consider moving. I don’t think she hates her job as such but it just seems to be her default way of living her life.

@Waterfallgirl thank you so much for this - really helpful advice and exactly what I'd do as a manager. First port of call is always checking on someone's wellbeing and if there's anything more we can all be doing to support her. Also, like you say, avoiding giving the impression everyone is talking about her as that's not nice.

Hopefully my boss will do this!