I don’t want to be like this anymore

[MsNs]

Please help me. I’m at rock bottom. I’m ruining my life, my husband’s life, my kids’ lives single handedly.

It’s a beautiful day and I can’t stop thinking that I have a serious illness and won’t be there for my kids. I have never had health anxiety before and not officially been diagnosed with it but since having kids I find myself constantly worried and feeling all sorts of physical symptoms.

I can be fine for months and out of nowhere it hits. This week I have had an upset stomach, bloating, stabbing pains in abdomen and pelvis, frequent burping, eye twitches, and the old me would just think oh I’ve got a bit of a bug, forget about it and move on. But now I feel sick and tired all the time, constantly googling. I’m exhausted, no energy, just want to stay in bed all day.

I keep worrying about bowel/ovarian/stomach/pancreatic cancer. I can’t stop. Today I tried to do some spring cleaning to keep myself busy and I found a leaflet from a cancer charity. I feel like I can burst into tears at any moment. I’m running on autopilot, playing with my kids, doing my daily stuff but my mind and thoughts are elsewhere.

I have weight to lose approx 2 stone and every day I make these amazing grand plans about how I’m going to go dairy free, gluten free, low fodmap, etc but then nothing transpires. I swing from thinking I need to make these big changes to no you need to eat bland white foods to settle your stomach. Then I’m constantly googling supplements, vitamins, private health tests, thinking I need to keep checking my ferritin levels as I have had 3 incidences of low ferritin in the last couple of years. Then I worry the iron supplements I’m taking… what if they’re masking something sinister?

When I first had these symptoms last year I went to my GP and had some scans where they found an ovarian cyst but at the follow up scan in December they said it had gone. I’m also on the waiting list to see a therapist face to face for the anxiety but this week has been particularly bad. My stomach feels so terribly bloated and I’m so scared this is a real physical symptom and not just caused by my worry. I don’t know what to do. If it was up to me I would have a blood test every month but I know this is ridiculous. I don’t know how to stop it’s consuming my life.

I was like this a few years ago after a health scare, I just kept spiralling over every little twinge. I ended up paying for a therapist which helped put things in to perspective and now I am more rational when I feel a twinge or something isn't quite right with my body. Obviously if symptoms continue then I will seek medical help, but the therapy has definitely helped me from always thinking the worst.

I think you need to go back to the GP as you sound incredibly anxious. Have you considered discussing medication to help with the anxiety?
It's tough to hear, but the only person that is going to get you "better" is you. If, as you say you are, ruining your families lives, then are they likely to be supportive of spending the money for private therapy?
Have you looked up any charitable mental health services?
Do you work and does your work offer any private councillors you could access?
Have you spoken to your partner about this and what are their thoughts? Are they sympathetic and will they help you with a plan of action?

My daughter in law and son forbade me to contact them and my grandchildren 4 years ago. Have tried to resolve, but cannot. I suffer from chronic anxiety because of the loss. I just cannot come to terms with this situation. Help/advice please.

I would visit the GP and ask about medication. I have been where you are, mine was also triggered by having DC. I did have some health issues underlying, but nothing as scary as I was building up in my head.
If your issues are related to your gut/digestion it could be IBS or something similar because chronic stress (which all of your worry is causing) can contribute to IBS. Eye twitching can also be caused by stress. Be kind to yourself, it’s very hard when your thoughts are consumed the way they are. Medication changed my life.

Thank you everyone for your time in replying to me. Sorry to hear that you’ve been in similar situations and I hope you are all doing better now.

I have always been a worrier since I was a child but never ever had health anxiety before. I feel like everything I’m experiencing is really real and therefore can anxiety be the cause? I’ve checked my belly 50+ times today sometimes I think oh it’s ok the bloating is less, a few minutes later I check and think something is terribly wrong.

My DH and extended family are supportive and are encouraging me to look into a couple of private therapy sessions (not sure about costs but I could afford a couple I think) whilst I’m on the NHS waiting list. I’ve been looking for some therapists that specialise in health anxiety but have yet to finalise. I work part time and find when I’m busy I have less headspace to think about these things but sometimes they still manage to creep in.

I know I need to make changes to my health and I wish I could use this anxiousness as a force for good to actually get fitter and feel better but instead I’m so bogged down by it.

I keep getting intrusive thoughts like what’s the point of eating better and moving more if I really do have a serious illness somewhere inside of me? Every night before I got to bed I make a promise that tomorrow is going to be different and tomorrow comes and I fail.

I’m petrified because I’ve had other health anxiety thoughts before e.g moles and skin cancer etc but as soon as I’ve got them checked out the thought disappears. The anxiety about my stomach and guts hasn’t gone away though, it keeps returning so my anxious mind takes that as a sign that my symptoms must be real.

Hello everyone. Today started off as such a better day, I was feeling less bloated and thought things are getting better but in the last hour it’s hit me hard again and I feel sick.

I was just looking on some news websites (I wasn’t looking for any health related stories) and there were 3 articles all to do with pancreatic cancer and bowel cancer. One of the stories was a young woman whose only symptom was excess burping and heartburn similar to what I’m experiencing at the moment and it’s just set me off. It’s like no matter how much I try to avoid these stories I still come across them. I can’t rationalise anything anymore.

Anxiety can really fuck my stomach up. My mum died recently and my previously well controlled IBS reared its ugly head again big time. Bloating, nausea, diarrhoea etc. Beta blockers have reduced the anxiety and my stomach has calmed right back down. As well as therapy, I really would discuss meds with your gp. You can overcome this.

I suffered from obsessive thinking, OP - it can be helped. I’m so much better now with the right meds and therapy. I know how it takes your life over, so please talk to your GP.

💐

I’d just approach a few therapists who say on their profiles they offer reduced fees and see if they would take you on. Or one of the online things like headstrong.

I am so so sorry about your mum’s passing @Mabelface. I’m glad that your symptoms have improved. I never knew how much worry could affect a person physically. I have always been a worrier but it’s only recently that I’m spotting all these physical symptoms.

I know I need to speak to my GP as soon as and hoping I can call at 8am tomorrow and get an appointment. I have also found a therapist I think could help me and have sent them an email.

The nagging thought at the back of my head is people with health anxiety can get ill too… they could have anxiety and a serious illness at the same time. How do you work out which is which?

One week ago I was feeling fine and now the last 7 days I have been fixated on lower left quadrant pain on days 1 and 2, bloated belly on days 3,4 and 5 and since yesterday it seems to have turned into heartburn and acid reflux. I just want it all to go away.

Oh @MsNs this sounds like me a couple of year ago. I had a bit of a health scare and it set of my health anxiety. I have never ever felt as bad as them days. The anxiety would give me symptoms and then I would think I'm dying or have an incurable illness, it was a vicious circle and then gp would send me for tears and I'd be a mess waiting for results. Honestly I know exactly how you feel, I felt like I was ruining my DH and dc lives, he would come in from work and I would burst out crying thinking I'm not going to be here soon because I genuinely thought I was ill.

I tried all sorts of medication which made me feel worse. I still suffer from health anxiety but not half as bad as I did. My thought is, if I thought it 3 years ago and I'm still here then surely if I did have something wrong I'd know by now.

@sunsunpleasecomeout Thank you very much for your kind message. I am sorry about everything you experienced too. I can relate to the crying in front of DH. It’s something I do a lot and I’m currently crying right now because yesterday and today have been such bad days.

The lower left abdominal pain is back along with a feeling of something stuck right in the middle of my chest. A healthy person would say it’s heartburn or indigestion and move on. But my mind says bowel cancer, stomach cancer, pancreatic cancer… I can’t stop it. I’m dizzy, light headed, so so tired I just want to stay in bed and never get out. I feel disgusting and worthless. I feel so terrible, unhealthy, fat, unattractive and unwell. I’ve tried my calling GP but couldn’t get through so have to wait after Monday and if I do get an appointment I don’t know how to approach it… do I tell them about the physical symptoms, the health anxiety or both? I don’t know which one is causing what. I’m petrified and scared. I keep looking at my kids and getting horrible thoughts that I have limited time with them. It’s too much.

Thank you. I'm getting there. Anxiety is fucking horrible and tells you lies. Tell the gp that you have horrific health anxiety that is impacting every area of your life and you need help. Tell them what you've told us. You won't always feel like this, you can get better.

Try and think about this quote-“What you focus on expands”…. I completely understand where you are coming from but try to keep busy as I find this quote really is true.Good luck, I’m sure everything is fine.

Op please please go and see your gp and try some medication, you can't live like this - it's no life.
I actually do have cancer and yes it can be difficult at times but I'm working, have a social life and generally happy and enjoying my life !

Thank you everyone for your replies. I have called my GP a grand total of 44 times before finally getting through and they can only offer me a telephone appointment with a pharmacist….

@MsNs - I could have written your original post.

I saw an article that bowel cancer is on the rise in under 50s (I'm 34) and it got me thinking that I've had more frequent and looser stools but didn't really think anything of it. Since then I've convinced myself I have bowel cancer and I'm the last 3 days I've had numerous bathrooms trips, sooooo much gas that it now hurts to sit and I feel bloated and in pain. These last symptoms only just came up in the last 4 days.

I suffer with very bad health anxiety and my husband doesn't know what to do anymore with me and I want to be present for my kids but I just Google day and night.

How did this resolve for you?