I'm incredibly lonely.

[Dollybobbin]

I recently (4 months) ago took a completely WFH job. It was around a 5000 pay rise and I had no commuting costs so I took it, and the job is great- I just feel very lonely.

I'm 28 and single, I've been single around a year and I've had such a knocked confidence as my ex was quite abusive, used to tell me that I was fat, worthless etc- and I'll admit, I haven't even thought of dating since. I don't feel ready just yet.

I do have a great group of friends, but I only see them usually around once/twice a month as they have busy lives with kids etc. My family are also great, and I try to see them once on a weekend if I can.

However, in the week, it's just me and my flat and complete silence. I can go days without speaking to anyone. I do send the odd WhatsApp to my family and friends, but that's about it.

I'm not really sure what to do, I can't magic up company, but I am finding myself going stir crazy.

How flexible is your WFH arrangement? Could you work one or two days in the office or at a different location such as a coffee shop or business centre. If not perhaps going for a coffee each morning before starting work or at lunchtime, you may find you start bumping into the same people who you could share a coffee and chat with.

Hi OP, sorry to hear you're feeling lonely. I was in a similar position a few years ago and adopted cats, so now I have some very demanding company 24/7!

Being single and WFH can definitely be lonely, but it also gives you flexibility. Are there any groups or classes you could join in the evenings? I've done dance classes, language classes, paddleboarding, pub quiz teams; sometimes I have made lasting friends, other times it has been more transient, but it was almost always fun, and gave me much-needed human contact.

If you're in/near London, the London Lonely Girls Club (https://www.llgc.co.uk/) has a very active Facebook group. They organise events and people also meet one-on-one. If nothing else, it's comforting to know that there are so many others who feel the same way.

Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely. Are they are co-working spaces near you? Or could you go and work from a cafe, library or gym a couple of days a week? I feel the same when I work from home too much! A big saviour for me was getting a dog. Good company in the day, but also gets you out of the house walking and other dog walkers always stop for a chat! Or join BorrowMyDoggy! Not sure if that would work for you (or if you even like dogs!) But thought worth mentioning!

I would get a dog and join some weekly classes. Maybe a couple of exercise classes and a book club/painting club or similar. The dog will keep you company all day and you will have to go out for walks and there is rarely a walk where I don't strike up a conversation with somebody. Even if it's just a 2-3 minute chit chat about anything, it still breaks the day up. It also makes you physically more tired so and provides you with lots of fresh air so you will value an evening on the sofa and then sleep really well.

I would maybe start looking for a job that isn’t solely wfh OP. Wfh can be very isolating even if you’re living with someone tbh x

I’m in a similar position, except my office is open but nobody ever goes in! I didn’t like wfh anyway and this has made it worse. I live on my own and have a very small social circle where I currently live. In the last year there have been days where I’ve honestly cried from when I wake up to when I go to bed. In January I went for 3 weeks without having an actual face to face conversation with anyone and that was the final straw.

It’s really helpful to try and get outside every day - go for a walk at lunchtime or after work and listen to a funny podcast. Going to the gym is great, especially group classes! I also find getting Hello Fresh/Gousto boxes are good because they give me something to look forward to at the end of the day.

Weekends are tough and I can easily get to 3pm and still be in pjs. I have to try really hard to get up and showered early, then park myself on the sofa!

I am also looking for a new job, as wfh just isn’t for me. But that might not be the right solution for you.

Sorry it’s like this. I think as a single (and child free?) person you have masses of scope to change this and shape your life in the way you want it to be.

Are there local groups you could join so you can go out after work and chat to or just be around other people? Exercise class, gym, book group etc.

Also do you reach out to your existing friends? Can you tell them how you feel and that you’d love a chat if they’re free? If you’re stuck in a particular pattern of communicating eg you only chat when you meet up or you only text, see if you can change those patterns - ask if they’re up for a 20min chat on the phone if they’re too busy to meet up for example.

Have a think about what you’d like your life to look like and go for it. Put out lots of feelers until you get enough bites to satisfy you.

When you hear those thoughts pop up that you’re worthless etc just gently note them and make your mind up to choose a different action that doesn’t reinforce that thought. Over time you can change your patterns. Mindfulness can help you practice that and sound like you have lots of time to try this! There’s a Headspace series and videos on Netflix if you want to find out more. Look up the ‘noting technique’.