Why am I like this?

[Alwaysraindropsneverrainbows]

I don't know where to post this, so sorry if this is the wrong place. I was just wondering if anyone else has the same issues / if this is more common than I think it is?

I've never been diagnosed with any sort of ND issue, so I'm not sure if I am just "quirky" or if there is actually something going on that is undiagnosed.

I have always struggled with social interactions and, since I've gotten older, I feel this has become worse.

If I am walking with someone and there is a silence, I always perceive it as being awkward and will say pretty much anything to try and get a conversation started (for instance "so... you have a dog - did you go to puppy classes?") like it has nothing to do with what we are talking about. DH said I come up with really random things but natural conversation just doesn't come easily to me.

I'm also super emotional. Something happened at work today and I literally couldn't stop myself from bursting into tears (I feel absolutely mortified that I did this). I've had lots of personal stuff going on lately and if I think about it / talk about it, then I, more often than not, end up in tears. I know that it makes other people feel uncomfortable and again, it makes me feel so, so embarrassed.

I worry and stress over little things - mainly DC's health (they do have health issues) but I was getting myself tangled in knots about it and having panic attacks. I am aware that I overshare things in my personal life as well, so I am really, really trying to make a conscious effort to keep some boundaries up and sometimes I can. Other times, especially with some things going on at the moment, I feel it just pour out of me and I end up with this feeling of guilt / feeling ridiculous that I've put someone on the spot who has no idea what to say back!

I get embarrassed over EVERYTHING - if I have to ask someone at work something, I will replay it in my mind how I said it and if I sounded like a complete twit and how they must think I'm odd...

I did go to the GP who said to speak to MIND, but that doesn't help.

Can anyone else relate? Please be gentle, I just don't know how to change these things and it is really, really getting me down.

Sounds like anxiety maybe. Would you consider trying anxiety medication and seeing if it helps?

When I spoke with the GP, she said about anxiety meds but I'm just not sure if that's the right thing - it probably is though. I hate that I always feel like this. Maybe medication would help.

@Alwaysraindropsneverrainbows can I ask how old you are OP?
Also - have you had your iron levels checked?
This may sound ridiculous but I had very low iron levels - when I take iron tablets - I feel calmer, less anxious and focussed....
I have also felt like you on occasions but usually before AF is about to show..like crazy anxious, paranoid, overthinking.

But what helps me feel a little better is this - when you often think people are thinking your weird - majority of the time they aren't! They are often thinking they are odd/ worried about something in their life...

Not to dismiss how you feel but try to remember- life is really too short to be giving a shit what people think! Honestly!

Try to make a list of all the positives on your life and carry it around with you...

Let silences happen....don't try and fill them...let the other person make the conversation if you feel you have both g to say...
🌸

Was your mum the same?

I'm a bit like this. I'm anxious over everything. It's anxiety . Try and get some therapy . I am just about to start CBT

@seashoreone - thank you for the kind words - I do appreciate it. I'm late 30's and I feel that my anxieties have gotten the better of me. With regards to the silences when talking to people, I have try to let things go silent and the other person never seems to speak, so then, in my mind, I desperately scrabble to say something, anything, to fill the void. TBF, they probably don't feel it is an uncomfortable silence, whereas for me, it's realllllly awkward!

@Eyesopenwideawake yes my mum was always bad at social interactions. She didn't have many friends. I did when I was younger but now I'm older, I'd say I have more acquaintances than actual friends. I have a little hobby and I know a few people through that, but I'd only saw that a couple are friends.

@swirly3468 please can I ask how you were able to access CBT? Was it through your GP?

Worth a try.

No, i referred myself . In my area they have something called "vita minds" and you can self refer and they phone you and do an assessment and discuss what type of therapy is best.
Not sure where you are located as they might cover your area or have something similar

Yes, it's anxiety, including social anxiety, and therapy and/or meds may help.

It's unlikely to sort itself out without help and it sounds as though it's making your life miserable.

Please make every effort you can to get help and don't feel any shame about needing it, whether it's talk therapy or drugs (which are taken by millions of people for the same thing).

Good luck.

Thanks @Mumsglum x

Sounds like anxiety, visit yr GP.

I can relate for sure OP 💐 I couldn’t sleep on Monday night because of how I was at choir… looking back nothing even happened and there are loads of people who don’t chat, but I struggle so much in a group but also overshare, so there’s a conflict there.

I’m FAR better 1:1 but am keeping up my group activities as sort of exposure therapy - you need to practise these situations in order to improve them, or so I tell myself. I do come home and overthink everything I said or did or didn’t do it should have said. But I’m really hoping it improves over time.

For context I have GAD and take sertraline.

Im also working on myself a lot overall - weight, health, fitness, massive focus on my microbiome. Sounds unrelated but the bowel is the second brain and serotonin is made there. Sertraline is an SSRI (one of the Ss being ‘serotonin’). So I’m hoping if I improve my physical health my mental health will follow and my social life will follow that.

Would you be prepared to try anxiety medication?
Dose and length of time will depend on you and what you need.
You gp will monitor you and after several weeks you will feel much better hopefully.
Are you sleeping?

When you need to off load is a family member able to let you or a friend.
Give it a go, it is exhausting enough without worrying what everyone around you thinks. In the end who really cares it is only someone's opinion.

You sound very similar to me OP. I have struggled with social interactions very similar to you all my life, although worse as I've got older through university and into my adult life.

Everything clicked into place a few years ago when I realised I most likely had ADHD. Since then I've been formally diagnosed. Anxiety is very prevalent in people with ADHD for a whole load of reasons. As is autism. Not saying you have either, but you can always go online and complete an adult ADHD or Autism test which would give you an indication if you have a ND condition such as that, or if it is just down to pure anxiety.

@MyFaceIsAnAONB and @TwoGrubbySlippers I'm sorry you're both in the same boat, but I'm glad I'm not alone 💐

My DH is amazing being a sounding board, but I don't want to burden him too much with all my problems.

I can see someone in the street and say "hi, how are you" and then spend the next five minutes cringing at how I said it / what they thought of me saying it etc. It's relentless, being so self-critical is wearisome.

@TwoGrubbySlippers I have often wondered if I had ADHD (I've never had any sort of diagnosis for anxiety etc). Can I ask how you got diagnosed?

I think @Mumsglum hit it on the head with the social anxiety - I've googled it and that is exactly how I feel. Online, it says "Social anxiety disorder is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and other daily activities. It can even make it hard to make and keep friends"

I often find I laugh when talking to people so that they think I'm happy and confident, but someone said I just looked simple (!) so that's made me feel even worse. If this was my DC saying this to me, I'd want to give them a good wobble and tell them that they are enough, but, for me, I just feel useless.

I would give medication a try Op, what have you got to lose? There's no shame in it, we can't help our brain chemistry. For what it's worth I think there's nothing wrong with your talking/conversational skills and random convos are the best!
The other stuff must be hard to live with so I'd give meds a go, which still hopefully calm your mind.

@QueefQueen80s thank you -I appreciate your lovely comment (and fabulous username!). I have to say, I was walking with my friend the other day and another person joined us (who is possibly worse at conversation than I am). I was talking random things and then this 3rd person left (not because of what I was saying lol) and my friend said how good I was at talking... I thought he was pulling my leg! But he said his mind goes blank... mine does, but then jumps to pure chaotic randomness!

Thanks all for your helpful comments and kindness - I have spoken with the GP surgery to see about SSRIs / anti anxiety meds. I've explained my current issues so will see what they say.

I think you need some techniques to help you deal with this. I seem to have grown out of this (aged 52) but I know I can be like this.

I've always tried to distract myself (by reading or whatever) to give myself some emotional distance from whatever's worrying me.

I'm exactly like this but isn't everybody? It's completely normal I thought?

Thats why there's no many memes about laying awake at 3am cringing about something you said 5 years ago etc.

@FrozenGhost I thought so too, but I was speaking to some people a while ago and they said they have never felt like this before and that "it was so strange" to feel super anxious. I said to DH that I feel as thought I'm always tied up in knots of anxiety.

Have a look at this guide to core beliefs - the 'truths' we learn about who we are in the world that are learnt in the key period before your conscious mind develops at around the age of 10;

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/

Have you had any past trauma OP, or any childhood issues?

I love had a trauma this year and in my getting through it I am uncovering stuff from my youth that I didn’t even know had happened in therapy. It has totally opened the door for explanations over my behaviour and emotions as an adult.