No friends to invite to wedding

[LilyLily1999]

Hi all, me and my partner have started talking about getting married which I’m over the moon about! We’re only 22 (no judgement please) but he’s Muslim so it’s traditional for him to be married by now, his mums even said to him make it official, we’ve been together for years the only issue is I genuinely have no friends that I can invite. We’re planning on having a little ceremony where we say vows and get married in front of our close family but he’s now talking about having an after party etc in a venue and of course I’d love to as it’s a special day I want to make the most of it but I don’t have any friends so would have only family to invite which would be embarrassing for me as I’d love to have friends there that would support me and I could socialise with. I lost my friends during school due to my previous boyfriend being controlling and getting me to cut them off, I then went to a small college with around 30 students attending so didn’t bond with anyone there and I worked for a bit but never managed to make proper friends that I’d talk to outside work. I have a daughter so I’ve not been working or able to make friends now so I’m not sure how I feel about it and I’ve been dreading this situation as I said I’d love to have a big after party afterwards but it’s just the friend situation 😔

If all the people you love are there then does it matter how you know them? A celebration with family is no lesser for being related to them.

Having said that though I nearly married someone early in my twenties, huge physical attraction and feeling for him, he had lots of problems and things I thought we could overcome. In the end it wasn't possible with visa's etc and we ended up splitting up.

Now I'm in my thirties I am hugely relieved we couldn't get married. In hindsight I think it's hard for anyone to choose a life partner so young and make that commitment. You change so much and your brain is still developing until you are 25. I think my values and wants changed. In later years I realised the physical side wasn't as important as the support system/ best friend part.

I never said we live together I feel as if people are completely missing my point of this post and instantly judging my situation and making assumptions 😕

If you don't even live together why the hell are you considering marrying him?

This is exactly why I won’t be posting on here again too many judgemental people trying to stick their nose into my buisness I simply wanted advice on friends yet everyone’s judging my relationship which is the last thing I wanted. I’m going to marry him regardless as I said it’s my life and it’s what I’d like to do and if you think you have to live with someone to be married you’re wrong at the age of 22 we’re not exactly gonna be full on living with each other yet. I’m gonna delete this post as the judgments are unreal

@LilyLily1999 To be fair to those of us who have answered, you didn't make your OP clear about what you wanted from this thread. Also, what type of advice do you want on friends? How to make friends, how to live happily without friends, how to avoid losing friends again? You get defensive now because some of us have hit a nerve with you as you know deep down that you are trying to run before walk. Life is hopefully long, there is no reason to rush into things like this. Especially not before you have figured yourself out. I honestly don't think it is people judging, it's just experience and advice from those of us who have lived a lot longer than you have. Most of us have regrets about certain things we have done or not done in life, and that's fine, but it would be irresponsible to encourage a young woman in your situation to not look after yourself and your child first. Not a man.

As PP said, it's not about being judgmental. It's about having more life experience and offering some wisdom.

Your world seems small as a full time mum of, I guess, a 4yo. It doesn't need to be. My guess is that it's not so much because you're a mum but because you have thrown yourself fully into this relationship, which came after a previous abusive relationship, rather than building a life of your own. That would be real independence. Cooking and cleaning isn't independence if that's all you have. I think you lack confidence and feel safer in a relationship and that's why you're so keen to marry.

There's a whole world out there in which to find friends and have experiences and grow. Concentrate on getting into work and building a life. There's plenty of time for marriage later.

By all means flounce off, but I think the responses have hit a nerve because deep down you know there's a truth to them.

In honesty I have bpd ( borderline personality disorder) so I hate the feeling of abandonment or left so I guess that could play a part. I get where you guys are coming from about having more life experiences but it really is something I’d like to do and that’ll make me happy.

A full stop would be your friend.

I’m not dependant at all

You don’t work, so must be dependent! If not on your parents or your boyfriend, I’m presuming benefits. Will these stop when you get married and live together?

If your daughter starts school this year, she must be 4/5 this year-have you been to toddler classes/groups with her? They are a great place to make friends!

I don’t have a social life as I have no friends but also because I’m a full time mum yes other people my age would be travelling, going clubbing etc doing all these experiences but I’m a full time mum

Again-you don’t need to be out clubbing, people don’t generally do this with young kids! I went to groups, the park, met other mums for coffee etc. It sounds like you are blaming not having friends on having a baby. What do you and her do all day every day?

if you think you have to live with someone to be married you’re wrong at the age of 22 we’re not exactly gonna be full on living with each other yet

Most people live together when they are married.

How long do you think it will be before you get married? There's a world of difference between thinking about and having a date in the diary with a frock on order.