F*cked up massively - work related. Perspective needed

[Stupidworkgirl]

I have an important business trip abroad tomorrow which myself and several other colleagues are going on. It is a major event in our industry and we have been planning it for a while. I have done the majority of the planning and have enjoyed it and was excited to attend. Our company director is going along with my boss and several coworkers, one of which reports to me.

I have lost my passport. I only realised this at 4pm today when packing. I am meant to fly out on an early morning flight. We have a very tidy minimalist home and have searched everywhere, it is definitely not here. I last travelled a few months ago and can only think I dropped it somewhere between security and my car.

I have called my boss who has told the MD. My boss was understanding and kind about it, I don’t know what the MDs reaction was. I’m absolutely gutted. Missing out on the event is a horrible feeling but is actually the least of it, that will wear off once it is over at the end of this week. It is more the damage to my reputation and how people might think of me going forward. I’m honestly considering leaving and finding a new job, as I don’t know how I will mentally bounce back from it.

Looking for reassurance or perhaps any similar tales or fucking up at work.

Only if a vulnerable witness

Have you looked between the books on the book case? Is it in the book you took on your last trip?

I don't understand how to bounce back from it, I feel like it will stay with me as long as I work here and just want a new start. I'm hoping this fades as I was doing so well here

Well, you could hand in your notice, find a new job and make a fresh start.

Then you could actually fuck up at your new job.

Then what? Will you leave that job too, in the hopes of another fresh start? It could be the beginning of a never ending cycle.

Or, you could work on your resilience and control issues, so that any future fuck ups don't become this triggering.

Sorry this happened, OP.

My suspicion is that, now you've got the final confirmation that your passport is lost and you're not going, you'll start to process the disappointment and embarrassment and, fairly quickly, feel better about it. While there was still a small hope that the passport would be found, you were still in crisis mode with all those conflicting feelings pulling you about. Now the crisis is over- not resolved the way you wanted but resolved all the same- you can start to feel better and to turn this into a learning opportunity.

It's not a massive fuck up, it's a shit thing that sometimes happens - we all lose stuff from time to time, this is just really bad timing. If I were your colleague I wouldn't be judging you for this, I'd be sorry for you that you were missing out.

You say you've done most of the organising for this trip - so long as that is efficient, well-planned and there are no massive mistakes that impact on anyone else on the trip then that's what they'll remember you did professionally, not that you forgot your passport (that'll just be the office "banter" until someone else does something daft).

Honestly, no one died, you haven't plunged the company into debt, there's no reputational damage to the company, your boss is ok with it. Feel sorry for yourself that you can't go, by all means, but don't spiral over this and certainly don't resign. I also have a tendency to obsess over anything that goes wrong professionally, so I really, really get it, but honestly, this won't be a massive deal to anyone else.

I know it's a bit late now but did you remove the drawers from your bedside tables to see if it had fallen behind there? Like inside the housing of the drawers? I've found numerous thing's behind there that I thought i had lost

The passport is cancelled now. I had a call to confirm details and they have officially cancelled it. I will get a reference number which will enable me to apply for a new one. It has calmed me a bit to know that even if I do find it now it will be useless. It means I will stop desperately searching for it. I will probably be glancing in random places for a long time though.

I'm starting to settle a bit and my thoughts are a bit less manic. I still feel deeply embarrassed and also very disappointed/sad not to be there. I no longer feel like I'm about to cry which is progress. I think I need to get the following hurdles out of the way before I can stop worrying:

• The event being over and everyone getting home (the 'fear of missing out' feeling will be gone then).
• Seeing my boss for the first time, and (hopefully) realising he isn't that bothered and will treat me the same going forward.
• Seeing the MD for the first time.

@JustLikeJasper Yes, we more or less took the drawers apart and felt along every edge in case it had wedged itself somewhere/got stuck to a surface. We did the same with the safe that it should have been in.

OP I really sympathise but if it is any consolation - all those people at work will be thinking phew, there but for the grace of god go I ....
It can (and will) happen to the best of us.
I was once on a business trip to Italy then travelling to Germany and I lost my connecting flight plane tickets - I searched high and low through my room - and ended up reporting it to the local police because I am convinced someone (cleaner maybe?) stole them from my room - it caused a fair bit of hassle - mainly down to the extremely rude Italian airline staff the next day (and I mean really rude!). They upset me so much that I remember saying to them once it was sorted - "I hope if you ever lose your travel documents in England we will treat you with much more kindness and respect than you have shown me" and walked off. My work colleagues thankfully were extremely kind and made a joke of it - wondering who was going to be in my seat when we got on the plane! I know it's not the same as a passport - but we have all been there and some of us will probably be there again!

@DietCokeUser I completely agree. I do already feel calmer now there is nothing more I can do. I'm starting to think much more logically so expect things will start to improve from now.

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if something very like this has been said before, but here's another way to think about it that possibly might help:

you didn't get to go on the trip, because of something you did/didn't do that was accidental, theoretically under your control in the sense that if you'd been an absolutely perfect robot it wouldn't have happened, but practically speaking, the kind of mistake anyone could have made...

Now, think about other things that could have happened that fit that description. There are lots, with thousands of people affected by them right now. For example, suppose you'd been to a crowded place and not worn a mask, and had caught covid, so you couldn't go. The effect would have been no worse; the responsibility no less. Nobody would have batted an eyelid, including you - that's so common that everyone would have just put it down as one of those things.

Just wanted to add to earlier posts- since you are a highly organised perfectionist, and done such a thorough search, it is highly likely you have been a victim of theft. Please don't beat yourself up, though it's completely understandable. You will bounce back

(err, I guess I meant, The effect would have been no less bad; the responsibility no greater. YKWIM I hope - if you wouldn't have felt terribly and terribly responsible about catching covid and being unable to go, you "shouldn't" feel terrible and terribly responsible about this.)

I would try and take it as message from the universe that you were not destined to go on this trip.

I have worked in corporate finance for a long time where a lot of people take A LOT of things very seriously. Ridiculously seriously. Even in this environment, I don't think anyone would look judgementally upon someone who lost their passport before a business trip. These things happen and it would just become a running joke on each future trip. I would just feel sorry for the person it happened to and empathise over the stress the situation must have caused.

Given how organised and methodical you come across as - I can guarantee no one will think of you as a flake or disorganised. People lose things.

Someone I used to work with oversaw a 3 billion USD overnight loss. He showed less concern that you are in this situation.

I can almost guarantee if this happened to any of the senior males, they would hardly bat an eyelid and would have moved on already. Women seem to worry about this sort of stuff so much more (I include myself in that).

It was this. And arranging it was the most stressful thing I've ever done.

Something similar happened to our team on two work trips. First person forgot to check the date of his subscription and it was due to expire before his return flight so they wouldn’t let him fly. The second person had a panic attack the day of the trip and had to cancel and as they were going with one other person they had to cancel too. Nothing happened to either of them and our bosses regularly make jokes about both bungled trips. Not a big deal at all.

In addition, four colleagues went out one night during a trip, forgot they shouldn’t have ice in in their glasses. They all got super sick, two having to be admitted to hospital.

Not me but watched a coworker delete a live IT system from root in Unix. The horror as it whizzed past during core hours. I don't think there could be any more major fuck up in the computing world. Apart from a verbal "what have you done!?" And the embarrassment they was fine. Made for a interesting few hours. Everything is fixable ( withon reason as everything between the backup and restore was lost). I won't say where we worked but belive me it's not an tin pot company. A lot of people learnt a lot that day the hard way. I have never, ever, ever done a rm at Unix without checking at least ten times since

I've managed to fuck up all manner of business trips over the past 3 decades, OP.

I think my best one might have been a long trip where I was in Oman, Pakistan and China for 3 weeks.

I somehow mixed up the travel dates I needed for the China visa and even convinced the client to send a new letter of invitation (they'd sent one with the correct dates initially) for my imaginary/incorrect dates so I could get a visa starting a week too late which totally ballsed up the itinerary.

Even worse - if I'd left it as it was it would have suited both the correct and incorrect dates anyway!

Oh how we laughed... 🙄

This is such a shame.
I always think it's a good idea to check passports, travel insurance, ghic cards, at least a few weeks prior to travelling.

Where I work this would be no big deal, not even discussed again. I’ve had colleagues miss trips (even big) ones for all kinds of reasons. Missing passport would not be seen as anything but an unfortunate thing that happened to you.

Which airports whole you have travelled from? Can you contact the recent ones to check if they have it in a lost and found or something?

Check all random spots. Maybe you didn't misplace it but someone in your house did by accident. I mean literally check all the random places, under the bed, in-between documents, laundry hamper, check if suitcases or bags have hidden pockets or holes in the seams where passport could have fallen through.

But also, it doesn't matter. Someone at my work did this exact same thing and we laughed about it. It's fine!

Did you check in the printer in case it was copied or scanned and left in there?

DH got the dates wrong for a conference he was supposed to attend in Barcelona. He had booked flights and hotel for the wrong week. It wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that he had booked a couple of days annual leave before the conference and I was going to come too for a couple of days, and then leave him to stay on for the (imaginary) conference. So basically, he just had a jolly in Barcelona one week and had to fly out again the following week to go to the actual conference.

And if anyone from his work bothered to look at the dates of the wrong trip, they might notice that DS was born roughly 9 months later 😂

@Stupidworkgirl

This stupid work girl was waiting to cash in a check from a client for over 400k dollars for the exchange rate to be more beneficial ( work in EU) - just tried to pay it into account - I'm three days over the limit as the validity of the check 90 Days - I'm now going to have to get the institutional US client to reissue a check - they cannot pay by transfer. This will probably takes weeks if not months.

Shit happens....

Ach I feel for you, OP. I am similarly organised/minimalist and still managed to lose my passport somehow. Thankfully my flight was within the UK so I was able to use my driving licence as ID instead but it was very stressful and I felt so useless. Glad you're feeling a bit better.