Feel down about lack of friends

[GreenMarigold]

It was a lovely sunny evening today and I’m trying to lose weight so I thought I’d go for a walk.

I would have loved to have someone to go with to be able to chat while we walk but I’m feeling so sad as I have next to no one.

I do have my one friend who I asked but she said she had other friends coming over. I’ve tried booking walks and catch ups weeks ahead with her (she says she will but cancels last minute) or on the day (always busy). I haven’t seen her in months to really catch up with.

My other really good friend moved overseas last year and has forgotten every one of the catch ups that I’ve tried to organise.

Earlier this year I realised it had been at least 6 months since I’d even been in someone else’s house. We’ve had plenty of our kids’ friends over to ours in that time and I’ve tried being friendly with the parents, inviting to stay for a cup of tea etc, but have received no invitations back.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I keep a tidy, clean house and do my best to be helpful and nice, and offer help when people need it.

My kids go to a tiny school so I’ve met all the parents there. I live rurally and have a small family, no siblings. I get on well with work colleagues (have been at my work a long time) but have never been invited along to any of the out of work socials.

Normally I just get on with it but feeling sad this eve. Anyone have any ideas how I can improve my friend situation?

How about starting a walking group in your area on Facebook ?
There's one in my village, it’s a dog walking group really, but it doesn’t matter if you’ve not got one.

I did post on Facebook on the local villages pages when I was looking for a running partner and got no replies, but there might be more people interested in walking.

Thank you, I’ll give it a go!

I think this is an excellent idea 😊 more people will likely prefer walking than running, good luck with it op, you sound like a lovely person💐

Running group OP. Ours even has a walking subsection for those injured.
It's the season for c25k at running groups across the country- they get something from the national English athletics groups I think.
And parkrun - take the kids.
Try not to let it get you too down. Rural living can be hard if you haven't lived there all your life

Trouble is, I have lived here all my life. I live less than 10 mins from where I grew up.

I didn’t really manage to keep in touch with friends from school/college as we all lived far apart and didn’t have mobiles at that time.

Thanks for the support. I’ll pursue the walking group idea as we’ve got lovely countryside round here that I know quite well.

Which town or county are you in OP?

West Sussex

Stride out OP with headphones on.
Smile, say good evening, make people interested in you. Or the image of you.

"Yes I was walking walk most Sundays,.join me if you like"

Be the one not bothered if you walk with them or not.

Be glad your kids have friends.

Do you like reading OP? A book club might be a second option to the walking group?

Thank you, I love the confidence your post radiates!

I do actually quite often stop and chat to people on walks and have invited one lady to walk with me sometime, but I feel a bit awkward about just knocking on her door and randomly inviting her! Would that be weird?!

I like reading but unfortunately I don’t have the time for it in my day and I’m often too tired in the evening. I also like quirky fantasy/sci fi which I realise is quite a niche and probably isn’t to the taste of most people round here!

I seefrom you from your posts you run. Do you have Parkrun near you, you could volunteer for that? Or volunterring generally. Goodgym have volunteer events you can join too, as a runner.

There is a Parkrun about 30 mins drive away. I’d love to go but have never been as it clashes with one of the clubs my kids do and my husband works that day.

I will have a look at the Goodgym events, thank you!

Shame you aren't living in East Sussex OP. I walk everyday by the coast. Felt like you recently. Not sure why. Maybe DC's are older, life seems to be changing, friends moved away and I hit the big 50. Hopefully feeling lonely will pass. Fingers crossed with your Facebook group. I am sure you won't be walking on your own for long and meet so nice people. Goodluck.

Thank you so much. I’m feeling better already after reading all of the lovely ideas and supportive comments on here. I think I really just needed to talk!

Thanks everyone 😊 x

Feel exactly the same , when my DH isn't home I usually spend time with my gorgeous dog . I literally have no friends unless I'm the one making all the effort. people have gradually moved away and don't bother to stay in touch . It's so difficult . When I was invited to a couple work things I realised it was a good thing not to be invited as most got so drunk and were actually really horrible people ! OP you're not alone it happens to a lot of people . I started to view being on my own as a positive thing and use my time constructively and I achieve a huge amount but I do feel sad sometimes .

Thank you for your message, I’m sorry you sometimes feel lonely too. Wish you lived round the corner from me, I think we’d get on!

OP, when posts about being friendless come up on here, it’s often one of two things. Either a mismatch of person and environment (which I get, it happened to me for the loneliest six years of my life as a foreigner in an insular village), or someone who just wants generic ‘friends’ to do stuff with, but isn’t that interested in specific other people as individuals and thinks that just being ‘nice’ is enough. You need to feel confident in yourself and what you as an individual has to offer in a friendship — what makes you interesting? What do you find interesting in other people?

@Outgrabe . It's definitely not that simple. Humans are far more complex than that.

That's a lovely thing to say 🙂 you've definatly made me feel less alone thank you .
It takes quite a long time to make a true friendship that's why it's hard when others take your effort in a friendship for granted. I sometimes feel I really would rather be alone rather than he surrounded by so called friends that treat me like shit .

I'm curious about your situation because unless I've got it wrong you seem to be stuck in that conundrum of feeling insecure about having friendship, but then that insecurity makes it difficult to make friends.

I learned how to cope with my insecurity by basically pretending I don't care. I'd just find new people/go by myself places then things started to fall into place.
Even though I'd feel hurt from lack of progress with certain people, there was no choice but to keep trying with other people.

If I had to analyse my likes / dislikes , interests etc every time I wanted to make a new friendship I'd be too exhausted to bother 🤔

I think @Outgrabe might be onto something with the mismatch of person and place thing. I’m a country person through and through but I work in tech and like gaming and rock/metal so don’t fit into the equestrian, farming or Christian cliques of parents at school.

I’m going to try to take the advice to just forge ahead confidently, put myself out there with a walking group and try not to overthink too much! Hopefully I’ll make a connection or two.

@Wiccan I think it’s really natural to protect yourself by deciding you’d prefer to be alone than be messed around by rubbish friends who you’ve invested time and energy in. I’m certain there are good people out there, it’s just a matter of meeting them - a bit like dating! Don’t give up.

Why don’t you ask if she’d like you to text when you’re going, so she can decide if she wants to go or not ?

I've been very fortunate in my life but have very little family so past friends have been important to me but unfortunately it wasn't so important to them , but yep you're right I shouldn't give up and I won't and I hope you find some good friends too 🙂