Midlife crisis or just living for myself at last?

[Realitea]

I was going through an awful couple of years not related to dh which led to depression and anxiety. Couldn’t see a way out. Was over working and stressed/crying a lot. Almost overnight I felt like a switch got flicked and I suddenly got really into the music I had once been so into, decided to lose two stone (halfway there), got a new friendship group who are also into the same music (and we all talk constantly and will be going to gigs and meet-ups this year..before I never went anywhere or did anything), completely changed my dress sense (chucked out pretty much everything I had and got new!). Dh says it’s freaked him out. I said maybe it’s just a nice escape for me as it’s really got rid of the depression and anxiety. He’s saying it’s a midlife crisis and now I’m wondering if it is some kind of breakdown even though this feels like me actually being me again after years of just being a wife and mum. maybe he’s scared I’ll run off with someone. What do you all think? I’m 43.

Nooo! You felt down and took action. Everything is working for you now, so this should be the way for you. Since when being happy is a mental health issue? 🙂

Thank you! I feel relieved to read that. Seems silly worrying about being happy doesn’t it.

Do you think your DH feels threatened or left out by your metamorphosis? It might explain why he sees it as some sort of midlife crisis.

Sounds amazing! I am 46 and have just sent most of the clothes to the charity shop and bought pieces that actually go together. I feel well dressed for the first time in years.

Do you mind me asking how you met friends that love the same music as you? I would love to make friends with common interests to me but haven’t got a clue where to start.

I think the pp has hit the nail on the head. Dh feels left out. He’s always said I should find some friends and be more creative/go out more and now I’ve done it he’s worried.
I met my new friends on tiktok of all places! It is a specific band we all love and we live all over the uk. I would try joining online groups on any social media platforms and see who’s around.

They do tend to get spooked when we come out of the kitchen and put the mop down and live for a change.
There is always that fear that we've realised how boring they are and will leave.

So true! I think it gets forgotten that we do have a life and a personality

Nothing wrong with living for yourself! My kids think I'm having a midlife crisis whereas in reality I'm putting myself first for the first time since dd1 was born and she is nearly 25! We live for now, currently at a festival

You just sound really happy, don’t diagnose it.

Yay! So happy for you OP! It's great when you start to bring back the fun interesting person you are! Your DH will get used to it and hopefully realise he just needs to update his image of you.

So true!

It's absolutely normal. Many cultures have a name for it. Many, many women thrive in their 40's so go enjoy!

I just turned 50 and am making some big changes. I did a lot of soul searching and realised that because of some terrible family trauma that occurred immediately after my 40th I've pretty much lost an entire decade.
I'm absolutely determined to live for myself now.
DH largely supportive but I can see he's getting nervous as one of the changes is that I'm unwilling to put up and shut up in my marriage to prevent an "atmosphere ".
I've gone back into counselling and my psychologist is an amazing cheerleader for me in this.

This is so good to hear. No more diagnosing things, I’ll just be happy and enjoy it!

Great thread! Super encouraging! I want to go abroad to see a group, DH said, why? I’m tempted to go on my own. But not quite brave enough!

The only hesitation I’d have is if you are suddenly taking huge risks or spending a money that you as a family can’t afford — like the classic ‘fast car and motorbike’ male midlife crisis.