Birthday Etiquette

[Esla1986]

Hello,

I would like a to have a birthday party this year for myself. I've never had a proper birthday party before.

Could someone clarify something...

I have found a venue where you have a private room and private chef. There would be about 20 of us. Is it normal for me to pay for it all? Or do we all split the bill? (I would imagine about £120 each exc drinks). None of us have financial concerns, so we can all afford to pay. I just feel a little uncomfortable asking my friends to pay to come to my party! But then it makes it expensive if I pay for it all (so I might invite less people). What is usual?

Thank you

If you invite people and need them to pay you need to make the wording clear at the time you invite them. i.e ‘if you would like to join us to help celebrate at X it will be £’ but for something like private dining, I would expect it to be paid for tbh.

I agree. In these circumstances, you pay. You can choose wine, etc to accompany the food or allow your guests free rein from the bar.

You should pay. I wouldn't pay £120+ for a meal to celebrate a friend's birthday even though I could afford to.

I personally think you have to pay. I also think you should put money behind the bar. My view is that you'd be better inviting 10 people to something more substantial than 20 with a tight budget.

As per PPs, in my friendship groups we'd normally pay our own way for birthday meals etc, but I would expect you to pay in that scenario. (Although if its normal for you and friends to pay £120 for a meal, maybe pay your own would still be acceptable. That would be too much for me and my friends though.)

In those circumstances you pay. I could afford it and would spend that sort of money on somewhere I really wanted to go but it’s far too much for someone’s birthday dinner that may be at a venue you would never have chosen yourself. You’re probably looking at £300 for a couple once you add booze and tip which is a really big ask. I would either cut down the numbers and foot the whole bill including a couple of bottles of house wine or choose somewhere cheaper where people can just order what they want and pay on the night.

If you are inviting them to a venue then I would say you should pay. £120 is a lot to expect a guest to pay. I'm 40 this year, planning on a party at my house, but will provide all food and drinks (including alcohol).

Absolutely you pay.

Of course you pay.

I've been invited to a lavish occasion where you are expected to pay the bill. It's so uncomfortable at the end of the night when everyone starts dissecting the bill. I'd keep it small and lavish.

Yes you pay, I can't imagine being invited to a birthday celebration and being expected to pay. It's totally different to agreeing as a group to go out to a restaurant together. But there are many different expectations depending on your group of friends ... what's the norm in your circle? (& I've never been in a group of friends who would pay - or treat someone - to a £120 meal ).

You don't throw a party then expect your guests to pay.

As above. Unless you are all filthy rich and absolutely dripping in money, that's an extortionate amount for others to pay for your celebration.

If you want people to pay for themselves it needs to be a rest

restaurant where they can choose their own food.

I wouldn’t pay £120 for a meal and I wouldn’t feel comfortable about someone paying for me.

You say you want a birthday party but you're describing a sit down meals I'd never had a birthday party and threw one for my 40. I booked a room in a lovely boutique hotel. Paid for music and a very lavish buffet and had a great time. It cost about £1500 for 50 people. That in my mind is a party... sitting down to a meal isn't really a party... it's a meal!

Thanks for the feedback. After the comments, I'll pay the bill in full I think!