Handhold please, house move

[OnTheGoAlways]

I am on my own with 2 sons and a dog. I private rented our semi detached house for over 8 years, then LL mentioned moving, although moved the goalposts a few times. My grandmother got sick, and could not go back to her flat in Edinburgh, she has offered to rent me the flat for less than market rate, and gift me £30k upon its sale if I am resident.

I absolutely adore the countryside and walking, I look forward to my lunch time dog walks every day. DS1 HS he got the school bus to and DS2 PS We lived right next to. But I panicked and took the flat.

I have moved to Edinburgh this weekend. I haven't slept properly in weeks, I haven't been able to stop crying about deciding to move and what I'm putting my children and dog through, neither of them wanted to move. They are staying at current schools and I have to commute 25 mins each way 4 times a day as I WFH. I feel awful, I can't even describe it, I feel itchy with regret, I feel full of sadness. I want my house back, I want to be a better parent, I want to get more involved with the community this time.

Please, if anyone has been through similar or understands please let me know

Hi, I’ve just moved recently and it’s been positive overall but it’s still a big change and difficult in many ways.

It sounds like you’ve done the right thing in taking the more secure option. You aren’t being a bad parent by moving, you’re giving your children a more secure home. That’s not even close to bad parenting! It’s ok to want to be more involved in the community - have you looked into that? That’s a great thing to look at as it will likely help all the other aspects you’re finding difficult right now.

That all sounds very stressful, more so than your bog standard house move.
I find a new house never feels right until it smells like mine. I’m not saying your new home or any of mine smelt bad, just not quite right. Light some scented candles or your oil burner, spray your perfume around a bit. Aim to get one room just how you want it so you’ve somewhere comfortable to relax.
Do you have to an extra trip to let your dog out? Could there be a neighbour who might have known your dgm who’d do that fir you ?

Please please please, don’t be so hard on yourself. I won’t tell you a story about how I moved and it was hard but did it and you can to, blah blah blah
but you are solo running this family of two and a dog. cut yourself some slack, pat yourself on the back, make yourself some tea and get a bath, go for a walk.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
You will get through it. Even if it means getting used to a more hectic way of living… it will fall into place. Remember to look after your mind and body.

(I feel pretty shit right now too, life’s a bitch, but this too shall pass)

I can't shake it, I can't stop crying. I knew it wasn't a good fit, it never was, I've spent thousands on the flat to re-carpet and decorate and buy my sons new beds, but none of that actually matters. I'm meant to be handing the keys back to LL today and I've messaged this morning to ask if she'd keep me as a tenant, she won't.

My grandmother was going to give me some money, I could have sat tight and added to it and then waited for LL to give me notice. I was going to, and then I checked mortgages and saw how difficult it would be to find a decent home, I panicked again.

All of these decisions have been through panick and pressure. I want so badly to go back

Can this be a temporary situation? A means to an end? To top up the pot and hang tight until mortgages go down and you can afford your more ideal home?

if you see it as a stepping stone would that help?

I know how upset you are but I think you did the right thing. Mortgage rates are mental at the moment so you may not have been able to afford anything you wanted. Your DC will get older and be more independent getting to school themselves and it sounds as if they are close to places they can meet up with friends.

You are being a good mother. You are providing a safe, secure home in a beautiful city. And money for the future.

Edinburgh is a beautiful place, you can always do the little drive on the weekends to go walking in the countryside.
As for your sons if it's only 25 minutes drive to their school it's not like you moved half way across the country, they can still see their mates.
I think you did the right thing especially if your landlord was thinking of moving in/selling. Give it time it takes time to settle into a new place.

I actually really do think you've done the right and probably only thing you could have done in the circumstances. Your LL has taken away any option you have of remaining in your previous home and you are providing a warm, safe environment for your children. It'll take time to adjust. Edinburgh is a fabulous city, it may just take time for you to see that right now.

I know you really wanted to stay in the house but it wasn’t possible. That wasn’t a choice you had. Now you have secure housing. Which is worth so so much especially in the current economy.

As your boys get bigger they may appreciate being in the city more than a more rural location.

It may not seem it now but there are positives to being where you are. It will take time to find them.

And Edinburgh is such a beautiful city!

Give yourself some time to grieve and then find some positives about where you are. There will be some.

It will be ok. 25 minutes to school is very normal and you will settle. Your eldest will be able to get around far easier in the city once a teen.

Edinburgh is an amazing city for children to grow into adults in. Relatively safe, walkable, cheap access to world class culture, lots of universities and young people. They have free public transport so can hop on a bus and get into nature. Be kind to yourself. Having a secure place to live is extremely important and you made a choice that will give your family security.