No friends

[Hmommy24]

Hi everyone!

im in my late 20’s and have 2 children. Something that bothers me is that I have no friends. Growing up I never had a big friendship circle as I was extremely shy. I never formed many friendships even at uni only had 2 friends.

Once I had my children I have been a devoted mother 24/7 for over 5 years now. I’ve been so busy with motherhood raising my kids and never had a second for myself. I have a dp who I consider my ‘best friend’ and only friend tbh. But he works quite often.

it was recently my birthday and I posted on my social media story and the ‘online friends’ that I thought I had didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. Not 1 person that viewed my stories said happy birthday. My partner pointed this out to me recently and told me I should consider removing those people from my page as they couldn’t even say HB.

this evening when watching my stories on IG (of me at the park with our children having fun) he said ‘you keep posting stories but nobody cares about you’. This hurt me so much. A very horrible thing for him to say but I also know he didn’t mean to word it that way and actually was upset that no one bothers with me etc.

the thing is… he’s right. They don’t care. I don’t even have 1 actual friend. I’m quite quiet and spend most of my time doing ‘mom’ things so I’d need a friend that can relate - potentially another mommy. I have joined the Peanut app but the convos either died out or some women would ask for my social media to talk through there instead but never accept me in the end or make effort to conversate.

the only other thing I do is go to the gym. There’s no one there I could be friends with, no women try to talk and I’m usually focused on my workout then leave anyway. I only work part time at the moment and it’s working from home so I don’t have the possibility of making friends through colleagues either.

it is starting to bother me now. I feel like I should have atleast a couple friends from throughout my life (maybe from school/college/university etc) but I don’t. It’s not easy to quickly form a random friendship either - it’s something that should happen naturally.

is anyone else in this position? It’s quite sad as I think about if I were to get married I wouldn’t have any friends to invite to my wedding or to be my bridesmaids etc (I’d only have family). My dp threw me a surprise birthday party recently and I only had my mother and sisters to invite.

any advice?

I think you might have an avoidant personality. You look for proof that people don't like you or why they're not suitable, as connecting is too difficult.

Hi OP, you've listed all the struggles you've had to make friends, which are understandable ones. I'd try and turn your focus away from that now, esp what other people do/don't do as you've no control over others actions, only yours. Especially getting hung up on social media is a road to nowhere.
Do you have any other hobbies?Interests? I know it's tough when the children are young of course but having interests is one way to meet people. I think you'll have to push yourself a little to reach out eg. at the gym, just smile and say hello or pass someone a compliment. Like I said, focus on what YOU can control. Good luck OP.

Hi everyone! Thanks for your replies.

I think some of you may be right, I am quite avoidant. I think I’ve just been completely consumed by motherhood and I don’t really know how to reach out now.

I have become quite close to one lady now that has a child in my kids class. She’s absolutely lovely (10 years older than me but nevertheless). We chat on text here and there and she dropped me a gift for my birthday recently.

today it has hit me again, my dp has gone to work (before work we had a little tiff) so he’s been gone for 12 hours now. Should’ve been home about 4/5 hours ago so I’ve just been by myself with the kids all day (like usual). As he’s my only ‘friend’ times like this make me realise how lonely I am when he’s not here and it’s literally just me and the kids. No adult interaction or conversation at all.

my children have been invited to a few birthday parties coming up so I will use that opportunity to try and reach out to other moms. I don’t have any other hobbies but will look at other possibilities of meeting new friends.