TL;DR best way to come to terms with someone’s toxic behaviour?
I’m grieving the relationship I (don’t) have with my sister, and subsequently her family and our DNs. Every interaction is DARVO and it was both relieving and horrifying to do my own research, speak to someone and see it’s pretty much textbook narcissism. She was an only child for nearly 9 years and enjoyed almost playing the third parent from the day I was born but became very unhappy as soon as I no longer wanted to copy everything she did/got my own identity. It’s subtle, passive-aggressive and all quite twisted. Our parents have started to see the wrong in it but have never spoken to her about it and have confessed theirs worries she would play the victim and stop them from seeing their DGC. I totally get this and don’t feel the need to involve them, but they express they are upset by the dynamic and often encourage me to be the bigger person. I’m sick of being that tbh because life is too short and I have tried so many different things but there is truly no reasoning and I am only exhausting myself, she moves the goalposts each time and pulls out every guilt trip/diminishing tactic in the book.
Me and DH are hoping to start our own family soon. We don’t really have any immediate family nearby, DH’s relatives live a couple hours away and DBro lives overseas (lucky him) it’s sad to think our plans of extended family holidays and trips that we always imagined likely won’t comfortably happen
I have accepted her for who she is but not sure how to make peace with the loss of the future happy memories I thought we’d make? If that even makes sense! Anyone else gone through this even if it’s with a different relative?