Can school do anything to help with anxiety?

[WeeMadArthur1]

DS (14) is struggling quite a bit lately with anxiety, in general but school in particular. He gets stomach ache in lessons and has been getting upset in the evenings worrying (sometimes about particular things, eg not having many friends, worry about whether he's done his homework right, but sometimes he says he just feels anxious but not about anything in particular).

He struggles particularly when plans change at the last minute or if he's doing something different from the usual schedule (eg a school trip or a change of class seating plans). He particularly struggles with anything 'performance' related, eg drama, music, oral French. He's painfully shy, to the point where he won't ask for help as he doesn't want to draw any attention to himself.

I said I'd speak to the school to see if there was anything they could do to support him. I've got a meeting tomorrow but I wondered if there is realistically anything they can do. Is there anything I could suggest they do to help him? Or is it something he needs to deal with, with our support and not really the school's job?

Sounds a lot like my DD (she was recently diagnosed with ASD).
School have put some practical things in place, a toilet pass to use when it's quieter, permission to leave class 2 mins early to avoid the chaos of the corridors, I get sent an email if there are any planned changes like being with form teachers for the day or missing X lesson for an assembly so I can prepare DD.

Thank you. We have wondered about ASD, it's good that your DD's school have put things in place to help her. The issue we have is that DS hates attention being drawn to him or being seen as a bother so I know he wouldn't make use of things like being able to leave class early as it was make people look at him (even though it would possibly help him as he hates crowds).

DD's high school are pretty good. She's similar in not wanting to draw attention, but even knowing that she could do (or not do) certain things helps a bit.

There are some fantastic sessions run by https://www.bemoreuncommon.com/ to help 11-14yo kids with various (diagnosed or undiagnosed) neurodiversities and with anxiety, stress or phobia issues around school. 3 interactive sessions delivered via zoom, new course dates are released regularly if the ones currently advertised aren't suitable. DC found them really helpful.

As a teacher I would wan to know someone in my class was feeling like this. An email around teachers explaining how he was feeling, and asking for discrete support might help. Foe example, if I am cross with a class in general, most pupils I am not cross with, understand that the telling off is not directed at them, bit if I know a pupil in the class in particularly anxious, I will personally reassure them that it isn't them I am telling off. If I am rearranging the seating plan, I might ask any particularly fragile pupils where they want to sit in advance, and if I am criticising their work, I will do it more gently than a normal, more resililiant pupil can be expected to take. I might also warn them in advance before asking them to answer something in class, etc.

Thank you all, that is really helpful. @Nimbostratus100 those things that you do are exactly what I think would help him. He is always worried about being told off, even though he is such a rule follower I don't think he'd ever do anything deliberately wrong. I wasn't sure whether it was reasonable for me to ask the school this, as I know it must be so difficult keeping up with all the kids various different needs.

There are some good books too. I've just started reading a better day by Dr Alex George. It's chatty and accessible for teens.

My DD school were great with her, speak to head of year, do they have a well-being officer? I'm sure they do, my DD had chats booked in with her. We also went to GP and some medication helped , they can also refer to my well being college and other organisations. Book appointments with school and GP and see how you go. It also shows to your DC that you are listening to them , take their issues seriously and can help. Keeping their trust in you and keeping that line of communication open

@WeeMadArthur1 They should be able to set up info on their system with info about him. Such as needs reassurance. Needs positive interaction, gets anxious about homework, teachers to speak to Sendco/HoH/HoY if there are issues with homework. A pass out of lessons to the Sen dept. Toilet pass.

Get autism assessment on the way asap.

@WeeMadArthur1 in terms of DDs ASD she doesn't present in the typical way we see in the media.
She doesn't have super restricted routines but she "needs to maintain sameness" so she will pick up on changes like different seating position, or someone wearing a different perfume etc a few changes is OK if she's been given advanced warning but lots unsettle her.

She does not have meltdowns which are very physical and audible but she has shutdowns which are internalised. She needs lots of quiet time built into the day.

She is rule bound and compliant, will follow any rule and gets very distressed if she thinks she's going to break one, like being late to school. She gets very annoyed at other people and doesn't understand why they just can't behave.

She can keep eye contact but says she actually looks at the bridge of people's noses instead.

Doesn't have 1 special interest but will get very focused on a particular topic for 6 months at a time.

Anyway that's just a couple of things that may ring true with your DS.

In terms of the support school have put in place she doesn't use them all the time but having the permission to use them reduced the anxiety anyway.