DS and girlfriend issues

[TeenHell1]

thought I might get more traffic here rather then teenage board as I'm slowly losing it!

Just looking for some advice

DS 15 and GF15 have been together for 4 months..
since then we've had multiple arguments and falling out(ds and gf), mood swings, no motivation, violent outbursts (punching doors etc) storming out of class after an argument with her. DS grades being seriously affected (gcse mocks results weren't great) and if he carries on this trajectory he's pretty much failing everything. Teachers have commented about the relationship and how much it is negatively affecting him, and they can see how clingy she is even in school (they're in most classes together and same friendship group). She has mentioned wanting a family to him and she needs constant attention and they will have hours long conservations on the phone after school (which we're trying to stop).

GF has history of abandonment (due to birth parents, drugs etc) mental health problems and self harm. I really feel for her, it's horrific what she went through and she clearly needs help from outside services but her family are not supportive/don't care. The problem I have is the effect that she is having on DS, he has admitted that she uses him as an emotional cushion and confides in him about her early childhood, DS thinks he can 'fix her' and feels like he has a duty of care! it's been awful seeing how this has impacted him in only a few short months, and a few weeks ago he self-harmed in school 😢he has spoken to the school counsellor and says he doesn't know why he did it. But he admits that the relationship is not good for his mental health. After MANY late night talks he finally admitted that for his and her mental health sakes that we would break up with her. And he did.

This lasted a week and today he has admitted that they are back together and that this is what he wants, in his words he was 'convinced' by DH and I to break up with her when it wasn't what he really wanted. For the past week his mood has changed, and he seemed happier, and smiling more...participating in family stuff but he says it was fake and that he forced being happy!😫. I just don't know what to do, I'm worried he's going to throw his life away and head down a dark path. Apologies for the length, I just need some words of advice or reassurance that this won't last.

I do feel for you. Have just been through something similar and although I expressed my concerns, I had to wait for her to come to her senses. It took about 5 months. It’s awful and all I could do is keep quiet and be there to pick up the pieces.

Private counselling to help him work out it's a toxic relationship?

He can't 'fix' her. There seems to be so many of these toxic teen relationships around these days - not to say teen pairings haven't always been angst ridden and dramatic but just the volumes of kids dealing with the impacts of unhealthy, clingy, jealous, possessive and controlling relationships is terrifying.

Hopefully he will see the light when he sees his mates enjoying life and him stuck with a clingy girl that he doesn't even like. Try and get it into his head that a relationship that is based on one party feeling sorry for the other one can't work and will end very badly (which almost did for my nephew, but that is a story for another time)

I really feel you. I'm on here as I feel I've got a potential serious issue with my 15 yo DS. He's changed from a lovely happy boy over the past few months and to angry/frustrated, bad language, missing homework, weight loss/food restriction and hours and hours on his phone. My DH looked at his messaging apps whilst he was at school and found it was hours upon hours of intense messaging with one girl.

We met with his tutor and HOY last week. Mentioned the girls name and there was an immediate reaction, but they clearly couldn't tell us much other than that she isn't a 'happy go lucky' sort, is 'intense' and goes by an alias at school. They advised us to take the phone away at night, meet her so we can judge how they interact and, if possible, do a digital detox whilst we're away over the summer to reduce contact between them. Incredible how one clearly messed up person can have such an impact over such a short time.

I checked out his Instagram followers and found that she's followed both me and DS's older too brothers - feeling slightly stalked - and that her pronouns are they/him.

My plan is to meet her at the sixth form open meeting, hopefully her parents will be there and I will get to see the whole family dynamic. My brother became terribly depressed in his teens due to a toxic relationship with a girl who was beautiful, clever, but very messed up. My duty is to protect my DS as best I can. I'm glad I told the school, as know they are aware of what is causing his changes behaviour and he will be getting a mentor,
a male teacher he trusts next term.
Im hoping that a summer will his older brothers back from uni will distract him from her clinging behaviour.

Ive booked a gp appointment to get help with the eating behaviour.