Are things moving too fast?

[YellowBrickRood]

STBXH and I separated in December and went back and fourth over Jan / Feb due to our church telling us we needed to make things work. I have been emotionally disconnected from him since last summer and knew I wanted a divorce then. We have officially been separated since March because I told the church I am done and don't care about the consequences. I haven't seen him at all since (my choice). We have one DS together who is 15.

Recently, I have had a lot of interest from men, mostly men from the past, but some new too! I am 32 and would say I am a bit attractive.

Last Saturday, I met with an old acquaintance from my teenage years. We've been talking on social media for around 6 weeks. We're from the same small village. We both moved out of the village and he now lives around 1.5 hours from me. He asked if we could meet and I agreed. He drove down, picked me up and we went for dinner. We hit it off immediately. We had the same friendship group, went to the same school (although he's 5 years older) and just had so much to talk about. He then came back to my house to continue the conversation. We ended up speaking past midnight so I asked whether he'd like to stay rather than drive 1.5 hours home so late. We then ended up having sex, which was great. He is the first man I have slept with since my husband, who I was with since 15 years old. It felt surreal but great.

I am now a little worried I am moving too fast. This guy is very interested in me. We talk everyday and on and off throughout. We have very deep conversations, laugh together and he compliments me. He makes me smile. He has made it very clear that although he'd given up on dating, I have changed that completely and he feels like he's found someone he could see a future with. I really like him too. He is coming over again this weekend and I am very excited.

After speaking to DM this week, she has warned me to be careful because people shouldn't get into a relationship so soon after a marriage breakdown. I agree and don't plan to commit to a relationship with this guy just yet. I told him I need him to be patient with me, which he fully agrees with.

My questions...
Is this too intense?
Should I be delaying this turning into a relationship for as long as possible?
I don't plan to bring him around my son for a long time.

I would love to hear all of your wisdom. I truly feel like a duck out of water.

Many thanks

How were you at the same school if he's five years older? Was he your teacher ?
Aside from all that I'm not sure where the church comes into any of this. Are you easily brainwashed?

You separated in March and it’s now April … my rule of thumb for prospective partners is that the divorce should be well under way before you start looking around, and I waited until the decree absolute myself.

Everyone is different, but do I understand correctly that this man reconnected with you as soon as you separated (changed FB status?) and stayed over the first time you met? Huge red flag for me, especially if he’s given up dating.

Recently, I have had a lot of interest from men, mostly men from the past, but some new too!

interest out of literally no where? Or presumably you were seeking? Online dating?

Aside from all these “deep and meaningfully” and one night of sex… have you actually done anything together? Cinema, dinner, walk, coffee??

How are is co parenting going?

I sounds like you got with your ex and had a child at a fairly young age so probably didn't experience the teen stage of having lots of casual boyfriends. You need to just be cautious and enjoy dating and having fun before embarking on any serious relationship.

I just meant that we had a lot to talk about because of commonalities, such as we both went to the same school (at different times) etc.

The church have controlled my actions for a very long time. This has had a huge impact on me. I have undergone much spiritual abuse and managed to finally escape it. I am currently under church discipline and will be removed from church membership in June. I haven't been attending since January.

Easily brainwashed at the time, yes. I was easy pray due to me being in a vulnerable place in my life. Then last year, I lost over 11 stone and evaluated my life. I knew that it was time to finally leave my husband and the church, both of which were incredibly controlling. I am much stronger now.

I lost over 11 stone this past year, which drew a lot of attention in my area and on social media. I also started new hobbies and got my first ever job. A lot of attention came through these avenues.

Honestly take some time by yourself to work through the trauma you've been through. If you haven't been single since you were 15 you've invariably been shaped by your relationship and haven't had time to work through the issues with the church (which sound pretty intertwined with said relationship); sounds cheesy but you need to rediscover who you are and there's a lot to be said for working on yourself and getting to a place where you're content and happy alone before dating.

If its already been numerous years since you've seen eachother and he's given up on dating (🙄) then if it's meant to be it'll be- it doesn't have to be right now.

Are you getting any impartial support at all? I mean not from the church/family/new love interest

Sounds like you've always been under the control of someone else and you need to start making choices for yourself free of the influence of others