Is anyone else's autistic child

[AllOfThemWitches]

...on a mission to embarrass them in public? My child accidentally knocked over a display stand today because he wasn't paying attention, got startled and hit me. He is severely autistic and I know he's not embarrassing me deliberately but do you ever get over wondering what on earth people must think!?

Yes, I apologised and helped tidy up as quickly as possible before the situation escalated.

I've lost count how many times my dd has embarrassed me in public, its a daily thing.

My dd is constantly doing random stuff in public, the other day she stole a cake off a random women’s plate I was obviously mortified the women took it very well (I obviously got her another cake)

Sometimes I forget that while, to me, he's obviously neurodiverse, to others, at a glance, he looks 'normal' and just very awfully behaved at times. We do try and avoid busy places partly for that reason but not always possible.

Yes all the time.

Mine threw his sock at someone once. He wasn't aiming at her but she 'would have walloped him' for it. Other people seem to 'get it' though.

I'm always running back

Sorry posted too soon, I'm always running back to pay for whatever item DS has snuck into his buggy bag whilst I'm busy, regularly has meltdowns on buses if we stop too long but I barely notice other people unless they are loudly rude.
You have to develop a thick skin with children like ours or people walk all over you.

I am totally over the embarrassment these days... actually, typing that made me realise not totally over it but pretty much.

Ds is a young teen and my public social nonchalance emerged about 3 years ago. There were a few reasons why, I think, but one was definitely that he had reached an age where it became more obvious that he has special needs rather than that he is a spoilt brat whose mother provides no discipline or boundaries.

My worst was him having an aggressive and enormously high decibel meltdown for the entire duration of a walk through a packed town centre, turning heads and attracting many judgemental stares and hisses of "appalling!". The trigger? He wasn't ready to get off the bus at our usual stop for a visit to the library, so we had to wait til the next stop and then walk further.

Ooh I have a sock story too! Ds was a toddler and we were at an indoor play centre. The ball pit had a thing that blew out a stream of air and made the balls appear to hover and dance in the air above it.

Ds figured out that there was a fan at the other end which sucked things in. He first fed his own socks into it then chased a crawling baby to try and remove hers too.

I had literally turned my back for a minute to unpack his snacks so didn't realise what he was doing, and was confronted by a very angry mother and her crying baby. I felt awful and apologised profusely but she refused to be remotely understanding or gracious. That experience bothered me for ages.

No, DD is on a one women mission to be completely invisible in public. I on the other hand am the definition of embarrassing apparently, and also super clumsy.

Since starting High school everything's gone pear shaped, DD will barely speak in public now and often wears her noise cancelling headphones (without which she couldn't deal with being out and about), it makes for a very quiet and isolating day out for me as its only the two of us but on the other hand I'm glad she's out experiencing the world in her own way.

DD is finally being referred to the "ASD pathway" according to school, because I've flagged her behaviour with me at home up so many times. She presents as completely NT at school and in public. Except for a couple of weeks ago. Wrenching a shopping trolley away from me and directly into other people. She spun us in a full circle while screaming at me. When I managed to get us outside she slammed the trolley hard into a digital display. Then spent 40 minutes screaming at me in the car park while trying to wrench me backwards by my arms. The sheer public humiliation was indescribable. Once she starts on a meltdown she cannot stop herself until she's too exhausted to carry on. But I usually (daily) get the hours long (screaming like she's being murdered and physical attack brunt of this only at home).
All of this because the shop had announced over the tannoy that they had Prime drinks in stock. She had already thrown items at me in misplaced anger while shopping so I had said no way would I buy her it.
It's so hard and so humiliating. Makes you wish the ground would just open up and swallow you even just for a minute.

• Meant to add, I couldn’t walk away from it because she's bigger than me and was already squared up to me ready to attack.

You have to develop a thick skin with children like ours or people walk all over you.

Yes, this is true. I think part of it is feeling protective of your child as well. I want it to be more obvious that he's distressed and not just a badly behaved kid but if he's kicking and hitting me, people will assume the latter. That said, I've encountered some wonderful people out and about while dealing with difficult situations.

Solidarity to you all, I feel a bit less alone reading these.

DS's autism now manifests itself in severe anxiety when he has to go out in public. He has his hoodie pulled up and half over his face, cannot bear being looked at by anyone, and will often have to leave because he feels too sick with nerves. He can't cope with school, so has to be taught at home. But when he was little, he was a bit of a handful in shops. Memorably, he sat on a display of pork pies in Asda, and put his fist through one, squashing them. We slunk away from that one, with the staff clearing up after us.

I've never been embarrassed by him in public because I know lots of other people are having a much harder time than we are.